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Once upon a time I thought my father’s betrayal was the worst thing we would ever have to survive. I thought nothing could hurt inside me worse than that. But I was wrong. This is way worse than that. Partly because a king betrays to keep his throne. It’s historical in the human world, in every world. The dark things they do to keep their power are the things no one ever talks about, the things that haunt dreams, what nightmares are made of.
But Ann leaving us… this will annihilate Phantom. He won’t bounce back this time. For all I know, I’ll be lighting the pyre for him. And Onyx just learned to trust again. He took a leap for her. He worked so hard to overcome his fears of love, of caring.
And even if they somehow survive what she’s done, her betrayal, we’re toast. Dead. Because of the prophecy. Because we couldn’t fulfill our part and she refused to fulfill hers. She goes, we die. It’s over. And there isn’t a fucking thing we can do to stop it.
I wish I could find solace knowing she might leave and find happiness with her fae, but I must be a selfish bastard because the thought only makes the pain in my chest worse.
7
Ann
When I leftDusk at the river, I walked. I cried. I cursed and stomped my feet like a child. It was all pretty pointless, I knew that. I knew that if I wasn't me, I'd slap myself for being such a mess. But since I am me, I had to just work through my feelings until I got to a strangely numb point, then head back home.
Now, I’m standing at the mouth of the cave looking in. Only Rayne is inside, sitting facing a fire that crackles and sends embers rising into the air. He doesn't notice me at first, just stares into the fire like it'll give him the answer to the things in life he doesn't understand, probably me. But it's strange to me; as I look at him, it's not at all like looking at someone else. It's like this is Rayne and has always been Rayne, which is an unexpected sentiment.
Not that anything has been normal since he died.
I want to walk in and let him hold me, let him absorb the pain of my chat with Dusk. Let his heart speak to mine. But I can’t. Instead, I go to the fire and sit on Phantom’s bedroll, gazing into the fire and letting the heat lull me into a fake kind of peace, one that calms my visceral reactions but does nothing for the aches in my emotional heart.
There won’t be true peace until I figure out how I’m supposed to feel and what I’m supposed to do. There’s nothing in the handbook about what to do when a soulmate inhabits a new body and comes back after the situation has changed, after acceptance has been achieved, after the moving on has progressed.
And what progress it is. But I can’t think about them now, either. It’ll drive me mad.
I look at Rayne from little slits that are my eyes. I know him like I know myself. But my feelings are all over the place. One part of me wishes my shadow beasts would come back right now, but another part needs a minute to get my head together. And the one thing I don’t do when Onyx, Phantom, and Dusk are around is think clearly.
“Rayne?” I hold out my hand because as confused as I am, Rayne’s presence is a balm to my soul. He comes to lie beside me, and as much as I want to fall into him, I fall asleep instead. It isn’t until a voice wakes me that I realize how tired I was, how hung over all these emotions make me.
Flame, one of the other shadow beasts who was involved in the battle and is still healing—slowly—from his injuries, is standing over me. “Ann, the men will be taking turns guarding you throughout the night. The shadow king won’t be strong enough to attack again right away, but it’s a valuable thing to have you here and now he knows it.” He gazes at me for a long moment, something unreadable in his eyes, then steps back out of the cave.
“A valuable thing,” Rayne mimics after he’s gone, and I can feel tension singing through every inch of his body. This is hard for him, which I’m well aware of, but there are things I can’t control. Like the shadow beasts’ response to me. “You’re valuable to everyone here, I guess,” he adds, and he sounds angry.
I sigh, not feeling ready for a verbal battle already, but I can’t help but ask, “What’s that mean?”
“It means you seem to be really popular here.” He’s taking that tone. It’s accusation and jealousy and anger all rolled into one.
“You died. I mourned. I cried. I had to get through it.” Our voices are raised, and I stare at him like his leaving was a choice.
“Every one of them just seems to look at you like you’re theirs,” he says, his words edged with frustration.
“They’re desperate. They’re lost. Can you really blame them for being excited when some random woman comes, kills a smoke dragon, and helps them win a battle?” He has to see that this is more than just that a bunch of lonely men who want a piece of me. It’s about survival. It’s about these people needingsomethinggood in their lives.
After a minute, his anger dies away. "I know. Sorry. I didn't mean it like that." He shakes his head. “I’m being such an ass, about everything. I know I am. I’m trying. There’s just no way a man can prepare to die, come back, and have to share the woman he loves. It’s… a lot.”
My heart melts a little at the lost look on his face. "I can't imagine this is easy for you either."
“Ann…” He stares back, his eyes soft with hurt and disappointment. “It’s hard to be here, to see how you are with them.” He sighs and shakes his head. He’s building up to whatever he wants to say. “I can share you with them. It’s going to be hard, but I can.” The sincerity in his tone, in his eyes, in his everything… He means it as much as he can and he will try because that’s who he is.
Share me? Rayne?"Are you sure?" My voice is filled with disbelief.
He can’t be. This man… he’s never been the type to shareanything. What’s more, he doesn’t seem to like my shadow beasts, or believe in their war.What’s compelled him to go from running from here with me to giving me his permission to link myself to them forever?
“Yes. I can’t lose you to them, but I also can’t destroy what’s between you. Because I can see you have feelings for them just as much as you love me.” His voice is so earnest, so honest my stomach aches and all the love I feel for him vibrates through me.
Blinking away tears, I say, “Do you think this is where we were meant to end up?”
When my men took me, it felt like my life had been completely derailed. But since our connection has grown and Rayne has returned, it kind of feels like I’m on the path I was always supposed to be on. Which is weird. I just wonder if he feels the same way.
His gaze grows distant. “I don’t know. But I do think we’re here for a reason. And as hard as it is for me to believe that that… Void could swallow all of earth, that there’s a danger the fae aren’t aware of, I don’t think these men are lying. And, certainly, seeing that king and his dragon means trouble. I can’t imagine what would happen if they could walk the earth freely.”
