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I’m not dishonest. I can’t be with them. Any of them. So I just speak without thinking. “I don’t know.”
Damn it. Okay, that is definitely an honest answer, but not at all what I meant to say.
I shake my head not as a negative answer, but because I’m confused. I love Rayne. He’s my mate in every sense of the word, but there’s no discounting what I feel for Dusk and Phantom and Onyx.
"That's your answer? You don't know?" Dusk repeats, his expression furious.
Onyx begins signing, and I glance toward him, only picking out a few words, but his movements say it all. He's pissed. More than pissed. And then, he pushes to his feet and stalks out of the cave.
Dusk watches his best friend leave, then his narrowed eyes return to me. “Do you care about us at all?” The question and his tone as he asks it are loaded with emotion, with demand and anger and frustration.
I nod. Of course I care about them! I care so much. And I would die to keep from hurting them, but I can't give him the answer he wants about our future. Not one hundred percent. What if Rayne needs to go back to stay in this body? What if these shadow beasts can't provide him with the care he needs? I could never let him die again, nor would I want to ever just walk away from this fight or these men.
Dusk stares down at his hands and I know he's building to saying more. I try to prepare myself for his words, but I know I can't, because these men can hurt me in a way I never imagined possible. And heal me in a way I never imagined possible too. With a word. With a touch. It's like they're the ones with magic within them.
“You know Rayne coming back doesn't have to be a terrible thing...” I don't know if that's what I should have said, but it feels like it needs to be said.
“Bullshit. The minute he came back something changed.” His voice is edged, sharp, damning.
Anger boils inside of me. It's like these shadow beasts want Rayne to stay dead... a concept I can't imagine them being okay with. What's more, it's like they want me to see my mate returning as a bad thing, which will never happen. “Well, it isn’t me. It’s not how I feel that’s changed.”
“You aren’t glad he’s back?” The accusation is implied. He thinks I’ve used them to pass the time, to make myself happy, to squander their feelings.
Which... just pisses me off more.Is that how they see me? Is that who they think I am?
“Glad he’s back? Damned right I am.”
A low growl rises from his chest, and he stands, even though it's obvious the movement pains him. He paces for a moment, then presses his hands against the wall of the cave like he doesn't know what to do with himself.
His distress makes me stand, even though I'm still angry. But it's like I can't just stay sitting when I know he's hurting. When I feel his pain like it's my own.
I move closer to him, wanting to touch him, but I stop myself. “Iamglad that he’s here because losing my mate was consuming and painful. It was devastating, like a piece has been missing from me every day since I lost him.” And now comes the biggest truth. “Much the same as Onyx is a piece and Phantom is a piece.” He turns a little toward me, his hands dropping, and this time I can't stop myself, I reach for him, and curl my hands into his hair. “You’re a piece of me, too, but... I’m confused.”
“This should be easy. You said… you made us think…” His arms come around my waist, pulling me against him, holding me in an embrace that is neither short nor sweet. It’s powerful and persuasive and now I’m intoxicated by him. My head swims a little, and I stare into his eyes. Wanting him to touch me. Wanting him to kiss me. It feels like the whole world is holding its breath, waiting for this moment, for a reminder that Rayne's appearance really hasn't changed anything between us.
But then he pulls away, moves to the side, and I’m denied contact, the warmth of his body.
It’s more than I can stand. I reach for him and he shakes me off. “Don’t try to seduce me.”
I've never seen him like this. Never heard him like this. He's trying to sound angry, but the hurt in his voice comes through stronger.
“I’m not.” And now my voice isn’t more than a whisper. “I’m not.” I plunge my fingers into his hair and pull him down for a kiss that is meant to brand him into my mind, to let him know that the force of what I feel for him is not tempered by what I feel for Rayne. But instead, his kiss conquers me. His lips are hard and possessive against mine, claiming me as his woman in a way no one can ignore.
He holds me against him,hard. Then he turns us so I'm trapped between him and the wall. His body keeps me in place, so I can feel every inch, muscle, and plane. And I do. Ifeelhim, this big man, this creature of muscle and strength. So big compared to my tiny size. So large that it feels like I'm surrounded by him, not that it's enough. As he kisses me, I just want more.Needmore.
His kiss slides down my throat, greedy and hungry, while I grasp his shoulder with my free hand, while I moan and whimper and throw my head back into the cave wall. When he reaches for my shirt, he pulls it down to expose my bra, then unclasps it, letting the cool kiss of the chilly air touch my bare skin. I almost tell him we have to stop, that he was just hurt, that there are a thousand reasons for us not to do this, but the words die before they leave my mouth. Instead, I just hold myself still as he cups my breast, kneads it, then uses his palm to tease my nipple.
My breath sucks in, and I pull him into another kiss. His tongue duels with mine and there’s power in what he is, who he is, and in that kiss I feel the rawness of it, the untamed, unknown. I’m captured in the moment. Wanting more, but not sure what. Just knowing I need it. Needhim.
He jerks away from my mouth and takes my nipple between his teeth, sucks, flicks it with his tongue so I am writhing, moaning. I love the way this man kisses me, touches me, knows just what I want even when I don't. It's like we're one. Like we've done this a thousand times before, and at the same time, that it's new and perfect in every way.
I let my hand drift lower, between us, to squeeze his cock. He’s hot and hard and long. Despite all logic, I want him inside me. And the second that thought enters my mind, I can't think about anything else. That's exactly what I need, what we both need.
When I hike my leg over his hip, he growls down at me, “Tell me you’re my mate.”
“What?” I’m beyond words. Beyond thoughts. I’m cloaked in confusion. Dizziness. And I want him. I’m so hot for him I can’t even think. “What?” I don’t even know if I spoke aloud the first time, or just thought I had, so I say it again.
“Say it, Ann. Say I’m your mate.”
