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"For most people, yes," she agreed. "For you, it's different. Zeal asks for his children to enjoy this chance to be young. Do not rush into things that you will have a lifetime to regret. There are other ways to please the body."
"Which is what you do, right?"
"Correct. I am the embodiment of Temptation. I lay with strangers so they can give in safely. Jamik makes sure that I can be protected while doing it, because the baser passions can trigger others. Being physical can turn to rage easily, and I want to make sure you know what to do if that ever happens. You deserve to be the owner of your body."
My eyes narrowed. "Doesn't Zeal own it?"
"No, Nari. Our god owns our souls and our hearts, but not our bodies. Those he leaves for us. He also expects us to treat them like the temples he's made them to be. That means not letting a lover beat on you unless you approve. Not doing things you dislike unless you have a good reason. He wants you to be the owner of your flesh, and he's given you the tools to do that."
I nodded, not really sure I understood. "So, if we can't have babies, then why do I need to know about menses?"
"Because if you grow up to be a Priestess of the Body, then you may have lovers who are women. Some of them may suffer during that time. Today's lesson is to understand what it is, and to normalize it. To accept that blood, or the pain that comes with it, is nothing to be ashamed of. I want to make sure that you know all the parts of both bodies today, male and female. Even the ones you will rarely get to see. Next year, they will stop splitting the bathing times, you know."
"So boys and girls will wash together?" I couldn't believe that. Mama hadn't even let me in the room when my brothers were changing clothes!
"Our goal is to teach you that your body is nothing to be ashamed of. No matter how it's shaped or what parts it has, it's still yours, and that makes it a little bit wonderful."
"But what if I stare?" I gasped.
"You will, but so will they. It doesn't stop when you're older, and learning how to deal with it now will help you more than you know. It also gives you a chance to think about which Path you want to follow."
I rolled my eyes at her. "I don't even really understand what theydo!I know that the Path of Obligation is for those who aren't enthusiastic about service to Zeal. They're not required to be in the middle of the daily worship, but they end up getting stuck with laundry and stuff?" I groaned. "And I know that the Path of Action is about helping the others do their jobs. Bringing things or escorting people. Stuff like that. It sounds almost as bad to me as Obligation."
Amerlee nodded. "But there are plenty who think those things sound like their calling. I'll assume that, for now, it's not the direction you want to go."
"No," I agreed. "But what difference does it make what we want if we're going to jump in a pool and get told?"
She chewed her lower lip for a moment, clearly thinking about that. "Our god doesn't give everyone the future they think they want. He does, however, give them the one they're most suited for. Jamik wanted to be a guardian. I was adamant that I'd follow the Path of the Body until I'm older, and then I want to change to the Word. Not everyone does, though. We have priestesses that are in their eighties and still offering their body for their god."
"But what does that mean?" I asked.
She tapped the pictures before me. "It means touching. Sometimes talking. Oftentimes without clothes. People pray to Zeal for sex, for someone they can scream at when they're mad, and so much more. We offer up our bodies for that. Usually, it's to lay with them, giving them a moment of pleasure. Sometimes, it's to let them hurt us because they need to hurt someone. We are never required to take the posting, and our guardians are there to stop it if things get out of hand. That is what those Paths are, Nariana."
"Fucking?" I breathed, aware that was a bad word.
She leaned over and caught my hand. "There are many desires in the world. Fucking is a very small part of what we do, but often the easiest to see. It's ok to say it. I'm your sister, not your mother. I'm here to make all of this make sense, ok?"
"So are you a whore?" I asked.
She scoffed at that. "No. I am a Priestess of Temptation. Whore is a word designed by men to make women feel bad for wanting too much. Our job is to show them that there's no such thing. Whore is what a married woman calls another who makes her man happier. It is not forusto judge why he wants to lay with someone else. Our place is simply to make sure that his temptation is handled safely."
"Oh."
Because that actually made sense. Zeal was the God of Temptation, which meant he wouldn't want those who gave in to his passion to suffer. He'd want them to have an outlet, and thus his priesthood offered one. Our god rewarded us for protecting his area of strength.
"So why do guardians have to abstain?" I finally asked.
"Because each guardian has one charge. For Jamik, that's me. I am supposed to be his only concern. Not his own safety, not his own pleasure, but me. To make that easier, he's been fitted with a ring. It's not on his hand, Nari. It prevents his penis from rising when it would be inconvenient. He cannot know the pleasure of the flesh, but I repay him with other kinds of love. So do you, child. You make him feel important, and he deserves that more than you know."
I looked down at the picture of the naked man. "A ring goes here?" And I tapped the part that I didn't have.
Amerlee nodded slowly. "It does. For women, they get jewelry too, but the kind that requires piercing. One across the vaginal opening, and another that closes the hood." She cocked her head, her eyes scanning my face. "Should I show you pictures of that so you understand?"
I swallowed, jiggling my head from side to side. "I don't really think I want to see."
"You will, Nari. One day, you'll want to understand your options, and I will not hide anything from you. Now, let's talk about how puberty is going to affect you as a priestess, ok?"
We did, but I couldn't stop thinking about guardians. What if that ended up as my Path? Jamik seemed happy enough, but he was a man. Did that make it any different? Was this going to be another thing in my life I'd have no control over? And if that was the case, then why was I trying so hard to get it right?
