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"But our Paths are focused on the good parts, rarely the bad ones," he countered. "Everyone has things they don't like. We learn how to deal with them by enjoying the benefits more."
"Well, if it was only the good things, then yeah, I'd choose the Path of the Body," I admitted. "I love the idea of being sensual, of enticing others, spending my days in beautiful clothes, going to wondrous places, and being accepted with the most important people. I also know better."
He stretched a leg out before him, clearly getting comfortable for a long talk. "How so?" he asked.
"I washed blood from my mentor's body when she was beaten in an assignment gone wrong. I witnessed a man slap her around so he could wallow in his own rage. The Path of the Body is not all about lust and pride, Priest Roek. It's also about rage and fear. Probably those as much as the others. And the simple fact that I do not have someone to shield me when it all goes bad? I just... I can't commit to that."
"Are you so sure that Wraythe would be matched with Eladehl instead of you?"
I grunted in frustration. "I have enough faith in Zeal to believe he's aware of how much that would hurt all of us. Eladehl needs Wraythe, but it goes the other way as well. Those two are soulmates; they're just friends instead of lovers. Where Wraythe is withdrawn, Eladehl is flamboyant. Where Wraythe is decisive, Eladehl prefers to simply act, often without thinking. But it's more than that. Their hearts are set on it."
"It's not common for that sort of pairing, though," Roek pointed out. "Wraythe has no interest in men, and yet Eladehl seems to enjoy both genders equally. Do you not think it will cause strife for Wraythe to spend days, weeks, or even months being forced to watch while his friend is involved with only other men?"
I ducked my head to hide my knowing look. "I think Wraythe is a lot more than most people think. He is not deluded about what his duties will involve. I can honestly say that out of our entire class, I think those two are the most prepared for what will be expected of them."
"Except you," he teased.
I shook my head. "More than me. In case you forgot, I don't even know what Path I want. I will make you a deal, though, since you seem so concerned. If you can find me a potential guardian in the next month, I will declare myself for the Path of the Body."
His lips curled in a smile. "Now that is a temptation that I cannot turn down. I'll still accept the paper on black powder guns, though. Either way, my goal really is to see you succeed as a priestess, Nariana."
"Thank you," I told him. "I honestly believe that. I just think that my temptation is to think too much and act too little. I'm hoping Zeal will decide the cost of that is something I can afford."
"So do I." He clasped my shoulder. "Now go tell your boys that you're fine. I really don't want to be on the wrong side of Wraythe's sword in tomorrow's practice if he's mad at me."
That made me laugh because I knew it was true. At some point, my friend had gotten proficient enough that Priest Roek avoided training with him whenever it was possible. Usually because Wraythe always came out the victor. I had a funny feeling that being Eladehl's guardian, he was going to need that skill a little too often.
Chapter 27
Nariana
Two days after that, my manners instructor stopped to talk with me about my lack of Path. She wasn't nearly as understanding as Priest Roek. Instead, she made it clear that my indecision was disrupting the class. How could she divide us for our final project if I didn't have a Path? I came out of that talk feeling bad enough that I sought out Amerlee. Unfortunately, she was away on assignment, but Shalsa was more than willing to listen.
Her advice was to trust myself. She said that people felt uncomfortable with things that couldn't be easily grouped, and I was one of those things. Inmanyways. When my marks had changed at the start of sixth year, the priests were convinced that I was meant for the Path of the Word. Instead, I'd begun to show personality traits typical for those who followed the Path of the Body. I had the dedication of the Path of Action. I had the bravery of the Path of Protection.
In other words, she said, if my true calling was no calling at all, then I was right to leave it in Zeal's hands. She also promised to talk to Amerlee about it, but her words were all I'd needed. Then again, leaving my decision in Zeal's hands didn't have to be a passive thing. I went back to my room that night and prayed, hugging my stuffed bunny to my chest as I told my god that all I needed was a sign. Some hint of what he wanted; otherwise, I'd accept whatever he decided, even if that was the Path of Obligation.
With it all sorted out in my mind, I felt better about refusing to give in and just make a decision. Saval was the only one who didn't seem bothered by my indecision at all. She also helped where she could, but with our Choosing coming up so quickly, she was a very busy priestess.
It was two weeks before my last day as a student when my politics and culture instructor decided it was her turn. I was on my way back from the bath when the woman fell into step beside me. With an armload of dirty clothing and wet hair dripping down my back, I was at the disadvantage.
"We'll be lining up the students to enter their room of Choosing based on their chosen Path. Where should I put you?" she asked.
I sighed but kept walking, all but dragging her along with me. "I suppose that means I'll go at the end? I haven't decided on a Path, Priestess Vernie."
"You need to choose fast, child," she snapped.
I stopped in my tracks and turned to face her. "Ok, can you help me with that?"
"I would be honored," she assured me.
"Well, can you promise me that I won't be one of those who find sex painful? Can you promise that I won't vomit when I lead a ceremony? Can you tell me who I should devote my life to protecting? Or maybe help me decide how being god-touched will benefit the Path of Action?"
"Those are things you will have to decide for yourself, Nariana."
I nodded slowly. "And that's the problem. Do you think I haven't spent the last few nights lying in bed thinking about this? I don't know if I'll like something until I try it - but we can't do that. Ever since I was a child, my choices have been taken from me, and I've finally given in. That's what we're supposed to do, isn't it? Accept a Path and take the knocks with the glory?"
"You will be trained in your Path once you're selected," she told me.
