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I didn't give him the chance to finish that. As fast as I'd come to his defense, I decided it was time to leave. When I passed my book, I bent, snatching it from the ground without stopping. What had I been thinking? Why had I even come this way? I should've just stayed in my room and waited for myrealfriends to find me.
I rounded the corner and was halfway up the hall when I heard steps running to catch up. A glance back showed Anver jogging toward me on his long legs. I hated that he was so beautiful. Like some kind of forbidden fruit, he'd grown up into a very attractive man. His brown hair was short and clean, his jaw had the scruff of a newly-started beard, and his chest was even broader than Eladehl's. The kind a girl could curl up against and forget there was anything wrong at all.
But I'd learned my lesson. I'd already mourned him leaving me, and I didn't want to do it again. Once, he'd been as much a part of my life as Eladehl and Wraythe, but he'd walked away so easily. Too easily, and all for a girl who thought she owned him.
"Nari, wait," he begged.
I ducked into the opening for the courtyard, hoping he'd take the hint, but he didn't. Instead, he followed, and worse, we were completely alone. Well, I knew how to deal with that. This grassy area was open to the rest of the temple on two sides, and the other was a lot closer to my rooms. I headed straight for it.
"Will you fucking stop and let me thank you?" he demanded.
I paused. The moment my feet stopped, the inertia left, and I turned back to him, trying to remind myself that he'd changed in the last two years. He may have been the boy who kissed me first, but now he was a man who had other needs. The kind I couldn't help him with, because I would never be weak or timid like Tishlie. I would also never take him for granted.
"You're welcome," I told him.
A hint of a smile twisted one side of his mouth upward, and he slowly walked toward me. "I haven't apologized yet."
"You kinda just did. You also don’t have to. I didn’t mean to get in the middle of your problem, and I should’ve just left it alone."
"Nari, we have got to work this out. Look, Choosing is coming - "
I groaned, cutting him off. "Not you too."
"Me what? I was just going to say that I know I haven't been around, but it's not because I didn't want to. Look, Tishlie's not like you. She doesn't have anyone else to stand up for her, and Ciella didn't just pick on us, ok? They got to her first. Ryshie and Kald grabbed her after the bath and tied her up in the restrooms naked. She spent the whole night alone, hoping someone would find her."
"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked.
He sighed. "And she was the one who said Ciella was trying to rape me. You know, the whole reason Saval took the problem seriously? Except losing all his hair didn't stop Ryshie. He kept cornering her when no one was around and telling her how good she’d looked on her knees like that. How he'd be more than happy to make her beg again. And then you three were messing around with bondage, and it all just got to be too much, you know?"
"Why didn't you say anything?" I asked.
He shrugged. "Because I was young and stupid? I mean, I'm the guy that was always on the outside. I didn't think you'd even notice."
"Icriedbecause of you," I told him.
His entire body sagged. "Me?"
"You were my best friend, Anver. It was supposed to be the four of us against the world, and then you choseher."
"But she needed me," he tried to explain. "No one else would stand up for her, and I could. You didn't need me. You had them, and you do just fine on your own. I mean, look at what just happened in the hall!"
"Yeah? Well, you know what? Just because I don't cringe and cry doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. When you left us? It broke my heart. I thought we had it all figured out, and then we didn't."
"Is that why you won't pick a Path?" he asked. "Nari, I still want to be your guardian. I thought we'd agreed."
"And I thought you wouldn't leave me!" I yelled. "I did every single thing you asked, but it wasn't enough. You know what? I'm fucking tired of being the one that gets tossed aside when it's easy, so how about no. Tishlie's chosen to follow the Path of the Body, and you know what? She's really going toneedyou. That fucking idiot would die without you to keep her in one piece."
"But I thought we'd agreed..."
My mouth flopped open, and a huff of honest shock fell out. "You haven't talked to me inhowlong? And you justthoughtthat I'd be ok with it? That I'd put my life in the hands of a man who can forget about me foryearsat a time? Grow the fuck up, Anver. There's a lot more going on than your lack of desire to fuck anyone. Weneverpushed you for that. Weacceptedyou as you are, and how did you repay us? You fucking left!"
"I was right here!"
I just pressed the back of my hand to my eyes, refusing to let him see the tears building up. "Why did you have to be so fucking beautiful, Anver? And so blissfully oblivious. Well, let me make it very simple for you. I have feelings too. I hurt just as much as anyone else when I'm kicked in the gut. And I still don't know what Path I'll follow."
"So, we're not..." He shook his head as if he couldn't quite understand what I was saying. "I was supposed to beyourguardian, Nari."
"And you decided you needed to feel stronger. You tossed me aside like garbage for some girl who gave you what you thought you needed. Know what? There's a price for giving in to temptation. Now you get to pay it."
