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Chapter 28
Nariana
Yeah, I ended up crying. Thankfully, I held off until I made it back to my room, but the guys had been looking for me. They found me hugging Bunny with a disgustingly snotty nose. Eladehl pulled me into his lap, not caring that my face was red and splotchy. Wraythe summoned me a little extra support in the form of his stuffed dog. He told me to keep it until after Choosing, just in case I needed it, and I understood that it was his way of saying he wasn't ever going to leave me.
I told them about seeing Anver again and how that had gone. Wraythe wanted to beat the shit out of him on principle, but I knew he didn't really mean it. I wasn't the only one who missed having the guy around. It was just easier to pretend we were pissed off instead of trying to bandage our wounded hearts, so I didn't call them on it. In return, they let me rant about how arrogant he was to think I'd want him back, never once pointing out that I kinda did.
I honestly couldn't believe he thought vanishing for the last two years would be ok. He hadn't tried to talk to any of us about what he felt. He hadn't made any attempts to show he was trying to find time to be with us. He'd acted like we were old news and yet seemed to honestly think that he could come back at any time.
But worse than that, he'd acted like the only reason I hadn't declared my Path was because of him! Did that mean his thing about still wanting to be my guardian was because he felt sorry for me? Could it be guilt because so many people were saying I'd be stuck in Obligation? Maybe I was a bit raw after all the teachers telling me Ihadto choose, but that made me angrier than all the other things he'd done.
Who was he to tell me what my Path should be? Who wereanyof them? When they'd explained the Paths to us in first year, Saval had made it clear that picking one was a very personal decision and that we should not let anyone else influence us. And now, ten years later, they were the ones doing the pushing.
Thankfully, I only had two weeks left until the day it would all be over.
Anver avoided me after that. In truth, if he'd tried again, there was a good chance I would've given in. I knew he hadn'tmeantto hurt me. I could completely understand that we'd done our fair share of pushing him out. Eladehl had wanted to experiment with bondage, and how were we to know that Tishlie was telling him things that made it even harder to accept? Still, the blame was partly ours because wehadnoticed him pulling away and hadn't done a thing to stop it.
But seeing me break down bothered my guys more than they wanted to let on. They became my shadows - even more than they usually were. Then, in the last week of our tenth year, Wraythe started pointing out the guys who'd done well in their weapons classes. The ones he knew hadn't chosen a specific person to protect.
"Dalver's attractive," Wraythe said one day over dinner, leaning closer to subtly point out the guy he was talking about. "A little quiet, but that means he wouldn't get in your way, right?"
I looked up from my essay on black powder guns, trying to catch up. "In my way?"
"As your guardian," Wraythe clarified. "I mean, he's got 'ripped abs' and an 'adorable bubble butt.'"
I narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously. "Uh-huh. So you've been checking out his ass?"
"I kinda asked Eladehl," he admitted. "He said he'd let the guy bend him over, and it only got worse from there. I tried to pick out the best parts."
I leaned my head against his shoulder. "Ok, that's sweet, but no."
"Why not?" he asked. "C'mon, Nari. If you're on the Path of the Body, then you and Eladehl can declare yourself as partners, and we'll all get to live together. Just like Jamik, Amerlee, Shalsa, and Irila."
"I already told you that I'm not declaring," I reminded him, feeling a little annoyed.
He nodded. "Yeah, but what's going to happen after our Choosing? What if you're not with us? Will we lose touch like we did with Anver?"
"Believe it or not, if I can walk across the temple to see Amerlee all the time, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to make it over to see the two of you."
He left it alone for three whole days before trying again. This time, it was a girl. I didn't know her and I didn't want to, but he insisted that she had a great sense of humor and would probably be a perfect friend for me. After that, it was a completely different guy. He was lean, quick, and had hair almost as red as Amerlee's.
I turned down each and every one. At first, I gently reminded him that I didn't know if the Path of the Body was for me. Then I did it again but without the gentle part, and yet each day he seemed to get a little more desperate. The day we all took our last tests, he pointed out a boy who'd been known to do poorly in our weapons class, and I just walked away.
The next morning, we all got up early, because our test results were posted as well as our Choosing-room placements. Not that it made any difference what room we had, but we were allowed to go into the section to find them. All of us wanted to see what these mysterious rooms looked like, and any excuse would do.
First, we checked our grades. Those would determine more than just our order of Choosing. Once we were on our destined Path, our classes would be adjusted to correct any gaps in our education. Thankfully, Wraythe had actually done well. He wasn't a dumb guy, but he didn't perform well on exams. The more he thought about it, the more he convinced himself he was wrong. Eladehl had all top marks. Me? I was perfectly fine with my collection of excellents, goods, and a mediocre in mathematics.
Then we moved to the next list: our Choosing assignments. Room numbers were selected by our Path and our class ranking. The first group was all those who hoped to be chosen for the Path of the Word. Thirteen names were listed, and only one or two of those would likely be selected - in a good year. After that came the Path of the Body, with twenty-six. Interestingly, the Path of Protection had thirty-two. That left only twelve for the Path of Action, and no one at all had signed up for the Path of Obligation. Surprise, surprise.
Then there was one extra listing. Clearly, someone had decided I was at least a little funny, because under the title of "Path of Temptation" was my name. I was placed in room number eighty-four, which was odd because there were only eighty-three people in our class.
"Huh," Wraythe said, jabbing his elbow into Eladehl's arm. "Look at that. More guardians than wards to guard."
"Desires," Eladehl corrected.
"What?" I asked, completely lost.
"Those who follow the Path of the Body are called the desires. Well, outside the temple. The Priests of the Word hate the term because it sounds like the people are the thing desired and not the patron's own temptation, but I heard a few priests use it, so I asked my mentor. Guardians and desires. Always a matched set."
