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"I keep telling you..." I tried.
"I know," he said, cutting me off. "We aren't going to lose you. You don't want to choose a Path so you can't be disappointed. None of them fit you. I've been fucking listening, but I feel like that little boy my mother dragged to the temple. I'm terrified, Nari. Can't you see that?"
"You think I'm not?" I shot back. "Wraythe, what if Zeal's done with me? What if I end up in Obligation? What if I hate whichever Path I'm put on? Or maybe I'm supposed to be a guardian like you, ever think of that? Maybe I'll get paired with some boy who thought he wanted the Path of the Word, and he'll fall in love with Eladehl for us."
"Could you do it?" he asked. "Because I'll help you catch up. I mean, we've spent this long just kissing, and there's nothing stopping guardians from doing that, right?"
"It's... I think it's what I'm hoping for."
"Then choose it!" he insisted. "Right now, just say it. Declare your Path. They probably won't change your room, but that doesn't matter. Zeal will hear you, and maybe he'll make this all better?"
"I can't," I said again. "It doesn't feel likemyPath, Wraythe. None of them do!"
With a snarl, he slammed his hand against the bookcase, making the thing creak dangerously. "Why do you have to be so fucking stubborn?"
"Why can't you understand that everyone else has been pushing me all month and just be on my side for this?"
"Because I can't take care of both of you, ok?" He groaned and turned to face me. "Don't you get it, Nari? You're making me choose, and I fucking can't. I can't be your guardian and Eladehl's. I can't fucking leave him. I don't know how to fix this, and you're just pushing it back in my face like you have no idea how hard this is."
"You already chose," I told him. "You and Eladehl are meant to be together. You're perfect, and I haveneverexpected you to choose me over him. Not fucking once, so don't you dare throw that at me to guilt me into choosing a Path. I don't need it from you too. I just..."
"What?" he demanded.
I pet the toy one last time and placed it on top of a box. "I love you, Wraythe. I love you enough that I just want you to be happy, so why can't you do the same for me?"
Before I started to cry again, I turned, intending to go back to my room. I didn't. I passed it without stopping, heading straight for the bathrooms. I needed to wash my face. I needed to get control of myself and stop lashing out. I needed to justthinkfor a second, because this was all moving too fast.
Eladehl stormed into the bathroom only a few minutes later, looking around desperately. He turned the wrong way first, sighed, and casually looked over my way. The moment his eyes found me, he staggered as if he hadn't expected it to be so easy.
"What the fuck are you doing?" he demanded.
"What?!"
He thrust his arm in the direction of our rooms. "He's crying, Nari. He says it's dust from moving his stuff, but unlike you, I'm not fucking stupid. Don't you get it? He's been thinking about choosing you over me, and I told him to fucking do it!"
"No," I said, taking a step back. "Please don't? Please!"
"Why not?" he asked. "If he's with you, and I'm a Priest of the Body, I'll get another guardian. I'll fucking train that prick if I have to, but we'll still be together. It's the perfect solution, don't you see that?"
"But I didn't choose, Eladehl. I didn't choose for a fucking reason, and yet here you are, trying to push me to do it just like everyone else."
"Because I'm scared for you!"
"I'm scared for me too, but I'm even more terrified of making the wrong choice."
He lifted his beautiful, arrogant chin. "So you'll make no choice at all? I fell in love with the wild, brave girl who lied to protect my best friend. The one who wasn't scared of whether or not it would be the right thing. She justdidit, and now this? We've figured out a way to make sure we're all together, and you're messing it up, Nari."
"Because unlike you, I realize that this decision we're facing? It's not about this week. It's aboutforever.You're asking me to agree to fuck anyone and everyone, and how can I do that? I've never fuckedanyone!I've been hit once, and it kinda sucked. I've never even kissed a girl, but I'm supposed to know if I'll like it or not?"
"I do! I know I like it. I also know what I want." He threw up his hands. "In case you haven't figured it out, it's to be with you. I'll take the fucking Path of Action if it means that can happen. I'll find a way to make it work because I'm not going to let things just happen to me. I'm going tomakethem happen, and you should too."
"But that's all this has ever been," I said. "Don't you get that? It's all a really pretty way of making sure we know we don't have any choices. We get to say which Path we want, but it's not guaranteed. We're 'put where we belong.' How is that any different from the day our parents tossed us out, hm? No one ever asks us. We're just pushed from one task to the next, lined up like books on a shelf, waiting to be pulled out when we look interesting enough. Well, while you're so busy making things happen, I've stopped playing by the rules."
He lifted a hand. "Ok," he breathed. "Nari, I do not want our last day to be spent fighting. I'm scared, you're scared, and Wraythe is a complete mess. I know you don't want to choose, but I need you to so we can make sure we stick together."
"But that's just it, Eladehl. It doesn't fucking matter. If I choose now, it won't mean afuckingthing." I leaned my head back and moaned in frustration. "I wanted you two to support me in this."
"We do," he promised. "Believe that or don't, but we just..." And he let his head drop. "I thought that if I let you have him, then it would all work out."
