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With a smile on my face, I kept going, carefully feeling each step so I wouldn't slip or hit a wall. When I was pretty sure I was away from everything, I bent my knees, letting the water rush over my head. For as long as I could, I stayed submerged, hoping to feel some hint of what pattern he would give me.
All I got was the gentle warmth of the water. When my lungs began to burn, begging for air, I pushed to the surface. My face broke free, and I sucked in a deep breath, tasting the salt on my lips. The salt of his tears.
But the world around me was gone. The water was almost the same temperature as my body, only the waves of my surfacing letting me know it truly existed. Even the drips had vanished. My room was in complete and total silence, flooded with the purest darkness I'd ever experienced. Oddly, I didn't mind.
"It's hard to be afraid, Zeal, when I know my god cares enough to talk to me."
I didn't expect an answer, and I didn't get one. Sloshing my way forward, which I was pretty sure wasn't the same way I'd come in, I held my hands out, waiting to brush the edge of the pool. I'd only taken about ten steps in, but when I reached twenty, I finally began to realize the nature of this test. The pool wasn't even twenty steps wide. It certainly wasn't thirty, so I kept going.
I reached forty and still hadn't felt anything before me. My heart was beating faster, yet I would not give in to the fear. This was my price. I wasgoingto pay it. If it was a test, then I planned to pass it. If it was a challenge, then I'd prove I was worthy. At worst, I'd spend my night wet, comfortably warm, alone with my god.
At best, I would getthem.
My fingers immediately brushed the stone lip of the pool. I stopped hard and carefully reached out with my foot, expecting to find the bench around the edge. Nothing. Not only had the lights gone out, but all of my landmarks had changed. Clearly, that meant I wasn't done yet. Bracing my palms on the top, I heaved myself out of the water, listening to the excess splatter on the floor.
"Wild guess here," I said into the darkness, "but while it's about ten steps at most to any wall in this room from the edge of the water, it's going to take me a lot more than that to find one, right?"
Zeal's laughter rang loud in my ears.And to think, you always assume you're stupid. You, giant, are the first one to pass this test with a smile. Turn left. The table is there.
"Did I pass?" I asked.
See for yourself.
Right before me, the second candle flared to life, but I hadn't lit it. I turned my head, blinking against the sudden light, and saw my left arm. It was the same pattern I'd always had, but it covered up past my shoulder. Marks of Obligation. I looked to my other side and found it was the same. Obligation wore their marks on their arms. Technically, every acolyte was on the Path of Obligation...
And then I pulled at my skin, trying to find the end. I couldn't. My head simply wouldn't turn that far.
Chapter 37
Nariana
Since I'd only slept for a few hours last night, I decided a nap would be an easy way to pass the time. Stretching out on the stone bench, I let my eyes close, but visions of Talin danced behind my lids. The impish little smile he'd flashed at me. The almost marbled blue color of his eyes that somehow managed to look so vivid and yet so pale at the same time. Never mind the way he'd loved me.
But the line between sleep and reality was a narrow one in here. At some point, my memories turned into dreams, and then twisted into nightmares. I climbed in the pool only to lose all the lace on my body. Amerlee looking at me with disgust before hauling me, naked, up the stairs where she threw me out onto the street. All the people I cared about walking away, forgetting about me as easily as my parents had. Being thrown away yet again because I didn't fit into the mold they'd made for me.
Forgotten, because we didn't talk about the things that disappointed us. My parents didn't mention my brothers' names after they'd gone away. My temple family wouldn't mention mine once I was on the street. Eladehl and Wraythe would forget what I looked like. I'd stumble into Talin again, only for him to be disgusted at how much I'd changed. My beauty was what had drawn him in, and pathetic was not beautiful.
I jerked awake, sitting up as I gasped for breath. It took a moment before I realized those were all dreams. None of it had happened. None of it would. Zeal would not strip my marks when I'dprayedfor guidance. He'd guided me. Why would he turn his back on me afterward?
Then I realized what had pulled me from sleep. The first candle was sputtering, burned down to the wood of the table. I swung my legs over the side of the bench, intending to go light the second - when it gave up.
Darkness.
Silence.
I paused, trying to adjust to my new world, but I didn't turn my head. Something creaked, then I felt the very stone thump. I had no idea what that was, and I couldn't investigate without a light. Yet just as I thought it, the second candle flared to life.
My heart stopped.
Leaning over it was a man. His black robes blended into the darkness too well, making it hard to see him at first. Yet when the second candle caught, growing brighter until it burned steadily, I recognized him. This was the priest who'd suggested I leave the temple. The one who'd comforted me when I'd cried.
"I thought I was supposed to be alone," I told him.
"I'm allowed in here," he assured me.
"You have a key?"
He chuckled, letting his eyes run over my naked body. "I see you still haven't decided."
