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"Jola," Harlin said, "let me introduce you to Wraythe and Talin, formerly Talin Ranndor."
The woman just chuckled. "And I think that just removed the last of my doubts. The baron's little brother. If any of you need anything, I've been told that we're at your disposal. It seems our god has made quite an impression on my first man."
Harlin puffed up at the title. "And if you're wondering, she means me."
"Oh, we got that," Talin assured him. "Lucky for you, we're a little more intoourwoman. You're safe, Harlin." Then he offered me his arm, but before we walked away, Talin added, "Hope you're enjoying the new ring."
"I am," Harlin said. "It's why Jola doesn't think I'm insane. See you at the Salle!"
Chapter 46
Anver
Over the next few days, Talin and Wraythe made a point of seeking me out. It didn't matter if that was in one of our Protection classes or the one we shared with our wards. Often, they didn't say a thing, simply worked out next to me or helped me hold up the wall in Sexual Orientation. And then Talin asked if I wanted to spar with him in Swordsmanship.
The man was good - even better than Ghale, our instructor. He also didn't hold back. There was no placating or empty words of praise. Instead, Talin taught me. He showed me a better way to balance the weapon, adjusted my stance, and then worked with me slowly until it all felt natural.
In Strength Training, Wraythe began to spot for me, taunting me for one more repetition of whatever exercise I was working on. It was a subtle acceptance, but combined with the persistence and the friendly slaps on the arm or back, I realized this was their way of making it clear no one blamed me. I just wasn't sure how far that went.
Did they not blame me for the session, or was this about the mistakes I'd made as a child? Unfortunately, I wasn't quite brave enough to ask. Not yet, at least. It felt good to have them around again. Sure, Talin hadn't been there when we were kids, but he and Wraythe had found the same type of comfortable companionship that Ela and Wraythe had. I had a feeling these two were almost as close.
For three days, I debated saying something. The last time I'd kept my mouth shut so I didn't look stupid, I'd lost them. Now, I was scared that saying something would destroy the delicate friendship we were rebuilding. In the mornings, I woke up excited about my classes and the chance to see my friends again. In the evenings, I dreaded yet another evening either avoiding Tishlie or listening to her bitch.
So tonight, I was locked in my room, savoring a glass of silphium. I wanted to drink enough that I'd stop worrying, but I refused to take the chance of being drunk if I was needed. Granted, that was stupid, because I didn't care if Tishlie needed me or not. I still felt something, like a need to be ready. It was a quiet drive to protect someone or something.
Trying to decide if that was years of habit or something else, I stared at the clear surface of my drink, slowly spinning the glass on the table. The fluid rippled, thicker than water, but it looked just as innocent. It wasn't. This was from the bottle Zeal had given me. Was he behind all of this? Had Grath been right? Was my loneliness making me blind to the ways Zeal was ruining my life?
"I certainly hope not," Zeal said, stepping out of nowhere to take the chair across from me. "Willing to share some of that?"
I leaned my chair back on two legs to grab another glass, and then I poured it half full and put the bottle between us. "You've been away for a while," I pointed out.
"Mm," he murmured as he took the glass. Then he paused to sip at the silphium. "Nari taught me that humans often want to make their own decisions. Even when we give you all the options, you refuse to blindly pick. You want to sample things first, experience them before you make a selection. And at times, your life comes to a point where a choice is imminent. Often, it's easier for me to give you the peace to decide. The problem is that you aren't deciding."
"What's the choice?" I asked him.
"Now that you know what Tishlie did, what are you going to do about it?" he said.
"My bond with her broke, didn't it?"
He nodded. "It was a very fragile thing to begin with." He reached over and grabbed my palm, guiding my arm across the table so our hands were in the center. "A good bond is like this. I hold you, and you hold me back." Then he shifted his hand to grab my wrist. "Your connection to Tishlie was like this. You held her, but she made no effort to hold you back. She pulled instead."
A tip of his head encouraged me to do that. I tugged gently, feeling his godly fingers preventing my hand from slipping away. A little harder, and still he didn't budge. Then, without warning, Zeal let go and my chair rocked as I pulled against a force that simply wasn't there.
"You let go, and there was nothing left to keep you together," he finished, once again reaching for his glass.
"And just about fell on my ass," I chuckled.
"Ah, but you were standing in for Tishlie in this example. That makes it even more appropriate."
Which made sense. She'd been running rampant, held up only by my protection. Now that it was gone, she was destined to fall - or worse. The strange thing was that I didn't even care. I'd been with Tishlie for almost three years now. That was a long time. And yet, it also made me realize that my longing for Nari, Ela, and Wraythe wasn't just about wasted years.
If my only concern was the time I'd invested, then I'd be working to keep Tishlie as well. I wasn't. I wanted those three - shit, four, since Talin was a part of them now. I wanted them because they made me happy. It wasn't a fear of wasting my effort. It wasn't completely based on the nostalgia of our childhood. The reason I missed them so much was because they'd honestly made me happy.
"So what do I do?" I asked him.
Zeal shrugged, the gesture so completely mundane, and yet it looked right on him. "I could drop empty words between us all night long," he admitted, "but I've never had a friendship before. I have my siblings. We love, we hate, we rage at each other, and then we make up. In all the world, we know that the six of us will live or die together." He rocked his head from side to side. "Well, survive or not. Anver, I have no experience with friends. I've watched others do it, and I've heard the prayers for that bond, but I've never had a friend until you."
"Nari," I countered.
