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But I nodded and kept going. My point wasn't to make him feel ashamed of himself. I knew he was struggling with his newfound need to hurt people. I simply wanted him to see that there were degrees, and that I trusted him completely.
"So maybe this is our lesson," I said. "What if we start out small? Well, I guess gentle is more accurate. Little things like blindfolding me, as an example, and see if that sets you off. And then we can go to one of the guys holding me down and see if it's changed for you? And if that's ok, then keep touching on the things you're worried about? I mean, if it's too hard for you, then I can even leave the room, right?"
"Nari," he breathed, lifting those dark eyes up to meet mine. "I just don't want you to be scared of me."
"I'm not," I promised. "No more than I am of Wraythe. I mean, he's big, strong, and powerful, right? He can fuck a person up in a fight, and yet I never hesitate to spar with him for Protection. Sure, he's bruised me a couple of times, but it wasn't a big deal, and I'm still not scared of him."
"Kinda thought she was going to block, so didn't pull the hit," Wraythe admitted. "But nothing bad, I promise."
"I wouldn't let him get away with that," Talin said.
All of us were watching Ela. Slowly, he nodded. "Ok. I know you're right. I'm just..."
Wraythe pushed himself to his feet and crossed the room to claim the chair beside his best friend. "Sucks, huh? You know you're this thing. For me, it's being big and ugly. For you, it's being beautiful enough to destroy them, and depraved enough to make them beg for more while you do it."
Ela laughed once. "Sounds impressive when you say it like that, and you're not ugly."
"In this temple, I kinda am. That's also beside the point." He reached over to rub Ela's shoulder. "All I'm saying is that I get it. I know what it's like to have those voices in the back of your mind screaming at you to be what she wants. How you're so sure that you're going to make one mistake and screw it all up, but that's the thing. This is our Nari.Ourwoman, Ela. She's not some fragile little bimbo. She's not stupid about what you're doing with Faylie. She knows. She also doesn't care, and she trusts you enough not to take it too far."
"But what if I do?" he asked.
"Then I'll pull you off her," Wraythe promised.
"And if you're pinned beneath her, balls deep?" Ela countered.
From the couch, Talin said, "Then I will." He stood and made his way closer. "And if I'm pinned beneath her, balls deep, then Wraythe will. And you want to know something else? Something I'm sure you haven't even thought about yet?"
Ela almost smiled at that. "Do tell."
"We have a third guardian in this room. She's not too bad at it, either. I have no doubts at all that my desire can hold her own. If you have her hands tied, she knows how to use her feet. If you have all of her tied, then she knows that Wraythe and I will take care of her. We aren't going to let you screw this up, Ela."
"I know," he promised. Then he paused, looking from one of us to the other. "This is hard for me."
"You don't have to be perfect with us," Talin said softly.
From the way Eladehl's head snapped up, I knew that meant something to him. It also made sense. He'd always been amazing, and in so many ways. Ela was the hottest guy in our class. He was the wildest. He always made good grades, had his shit together, and took care of the people he cared about. Maybe it wasn't necessarily the teachers' idea of perfection, but he'd mastered being each and every thing that our peers thought was impressive.
And his problem wasn't that he wanted to hurt people. It was that he wasn't perfect. He was worried that he wasn't what I wanted, or that I wouldn't like the man he was growing into. He was so scared of this because he was terrified that the more he showed us who he really was, the faster we'd all slip away.
So I said, "I'm being patient, ok? I know this is a really big deal for you, but I think it's sexy. I don't want to push you, but I can't help but be a little jealous that this is something I never get to see."
"You do not want me to hurt you like that," he insisted.
"Likethat?" I shrugged. "No idea, because I've never seen it. I can say that I want to watch you destroy someone. To see them beg, unable to resist you, and to know that you're all mine? Yeah, that's sexy."
"Nari..." he tried.
I lifted my hand. "Ok, I hope this doesn't sound bad, but..." I licked at my lips. "I don't want to be cut or beat. I do want to be tied up. I love when Wraythe throws me around - "
"Gonna have to try that," Talin teased.
I flashed him a smile, but kept going. "Ela, I was raised to be a priestess. Amerlee taught me all about the bad side of things. Zeal promised us that our price is always less. The idea of having my ass slapped as you're fucking me? Sexy. Your hand around my neck?" I glanced away. "Yeah, it's both hot and scary. But that's the thing. I'm being patient because I know you aren't ready to try these things, butIam. I have a lover who enjoys it, and that's sexier than trying to convince Wraythe that he should do something he's not into."
"Yeah," Wraythe said. "Not choking you."
Ela just chuckled. "Ok. I can see that." Then he let out a long sigh, and the amusement vanished. When he looked at me again, his eyes were completely serious. "I'm just not sure I'm in control of this. It's like there's a monster inside me, and sometimes it takes over."
"My monster can defeat yours," Wraythe promised him.
