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Over the last week, I'd started to think that we'd come so far. Time and time again, priests looked at me in the halls, smiled at me knowingly or bowed their heads respectfully. So many knew I was here now. The rush of power that came with their belief made me feel invincible, but this one girl's lack of it destroyed all the joy of those successes.
"I want her gone," I told Saval.
She nodded. "Then I'll make it happen."
"I need Nari to be safe. I want her to be happy!"
"Then kiss her," Saval suggested. "She's not a toy, Zeal. She's a woman who has feelings, and the fear of death is a strong one."
I just cupped Saval's cheek. "Tell me when it's done?"
"Always, my god."
I turned back down the stairs, allowing Saval to deal with the girl who could actually see her. I should purge all of the ones who couldn't see me. Destroy their lace, turn them out and make them find their own lives. If they couldn't be bothered to believe in me, then what did I owe them? Nothing! This wasmyhouse. They were fed my food, and sheltered within my walls. I took them in when no one else would and turned each and every one of these priests into something bigger and better. I made them great, and they couldn't even be bothered to believe?
But halfway down the stairs, Amerlee was pulling the pins from Nari's destroyed hair, letting the dark locks tumble down around her shoulders. My Chosen wasn't crying. No, she was too strong for that, but her hands trembled in her lap, proving that Saval was right. She'd been scared, and that made something inside me twist.
"Nari?" I asked, sitting on the step beside her. "Are you hurt?"
"No," she said again. "I'm ok. You caught me just in time."
"I looked up," Amerlee said, glancing over at me before looking back to Nari's hair, "and I saw her step back over the top step. Not down, Zeal. She thought there would be floor there, and she fell. I was sure she was going to break her neck, and then you just appeared right there to catch her." She pulled in a shaking breath. "Thank you."
"I didn't save her for you," I said gently, "so there's nothing to thank me for."
"That's not how it works," Amerlee said. "I love this girl like my daughter. You saved her. I appreciate that you did, so I'm thanking you. I don't care why, if it's because you need her or you wanted to let everyone here see your power. I still appreciate it."
At her words, I looked through the railing to see at least a dozen priests in the entryway below. Plenty were watching me. Saval, Irila, and Jamik were blocking the bottom of the stairs, keeping anyone else from coming up. This had been a display, but I hadn't meant to do that.
"I felt their fear," I admitted, looking at Nari. "I knew you were in trouble, so I came to you. My time moves a bit different than yours, so I had the chance to catch you. I didn't do it for a display. I do need you, but that didn't cross my mind when I saw you falling."
"Then why?" Amerlee asked.
Not Nari, who was looking at me with those perfect golden eyes of hers. Not my Chosen one who never doubted me, even as she clutched her hands together hard enough to turn her knuckles white. Fear wasn't something she was used to, and showing it was as hard for her as it was for me. That was why I needed her. Her beauty was the smallest part. For me, the reason I kept coming back, kept giving her more, and couldn't stop thinking about her was because she'd never asked for this, but she was still doing it.
Nari didn't want to be special. She wasn't the girl who'd dreamed of fame or fortune. Her thoughts were always for others, and she never shirked her duties. No, she wasn't perfect - far from it - but she liked her flaws as much as the rest of her. She loved others because of their imperfections. She was exactly what I had spent centuries hoping to find, yet there was one thing I hadn't planned for.
"I come when she needs me because I'm in love with her," I said, holding Nari's gaze.
"I know," Amerlee breathed, caressing the back of my head even as she stood up. "But it means more when it's said out loud."
Then she turned, making her way back down the stairs, leaving me alone with Nari. I wanted to ask yet again if she was ok. Not physically. I could see she hadn't been wounded. It was the rest of her. Her mind, her heart, and even her soul that I was worried about. Those wounds weren't the kind that could be seen on the outside, and they always lingered longer.
"I do," I said, aware of the silence hanging between us.
"I..." She licked her lips. "Zeal, you're a god. You'remygod. I have to love you."
"Like Ela has to love his mother?" I asked. "No, this is not that kind of love. I love you as my priestess, yes. I also love you as a woman. I want you to feel the same back, but I know you more than you know me. I also never meant to tell you that until you could feel the same, but I do, and I will be here any time you need me. If you will fight this hard for me, then how can I not love you? You! The woman who has taught me how to feel, how to be the god I should've been so long ago."
She reached out for my hand, holding it just a little too tight. "Can you help me be calm? Maela should be here, and I don't want everyone to keep asking if I'm ok."
"Always," I swore, leaning in to kiss her brow, pushing the memories of that split-second of panic a little further back in her mind.
I wouldn't erase it. Nari might not want the memory, but I wouldn't take anything from her that wasn't freely given. I also didn't want to twist her to be something she wasn't. This was just a little distance, giving her the chance to deal with it later, because my Chosen had the pride of a god, and I could respect that.
"Better?" I asked.
She pulled in a long breath, then let it out in a rush. "Yeah. Thanks." Then she let my hand go just to cup my cheek. "And I don't love you. Not yet. I could, and I'd like to. Right now, I just really like you, and I might have a bit of a crush, but you are a god, and I'm a priestess. I'm just trying to be realistic."
