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"I fight that," I growled.
"And what the fuck am I supposed to do?" Nari shot back. "I'm not helpless, Talin. I'm not worthless. I'm not even indecisive. Just because I couldn't pick one Path doesn't mean I didn't decide. I did, and no one seems to be able to wrap their mind around that. I decided that I would put it in Zeal's hands. I decided that I would believe what I was taught, and that if he truly knows us so well, then he'd know me better than I know myself. I fucking decided that I'm not going to let everyone push me around, so why is Kinen trying to use my lace as his excuse? More than that, why is everyone believing him?"
"They're not," I pointed out. "The guardians believe. Their desires are learning how. Obligation believes. Action seems to be doing pretty well. How many people around you can see Zeal now? Most of them?"
"And yetthatkeeps happening," she countered. "Kinen, Ciella, Tishlie, and whoever the fuck that bitch was. These people keep coming at me, and for what? What am I supposed to do? On one hand, they say I'm just an initiate, unable to do anything important. On the other, it's all my fault for making this happen - which sounds pretty fucking important. So what am I supposed to do about this?"
I made the last turn that put us on our hall, and then stopped so I could look in her face. "This, Nari. Get mad. Get loud. Get fucking angry and turn that loose. Don't listen to the idiots like her. Fucking fight for them. This is Zeal's temple. You are the leader of his army, but that's the thing. If you want to fight back, then the first thing you have to do is start fighting."
"And Amerlee says she's dealing with it," Nari reminded me. "Farik says I should let her because she has the experience that I don't."
"And you are the icon," I pointed out. "You're the one they see. You're the one who knows that Kinen's lace is fake. You are the one holding all the cards, but you need to start playing them. Make a mess, because what's the worst they can do?"
"I don't want to be the High Priestess of All Gods!" she wailed.
I cupped her face between my palms. "Let Ela. But has it dawned on you yet that Zeal sent Anver there for a reason? The gods were there, so it wasn't to listen in. He met a priest who believes. He found that the six High Priests are at a deadlock. Maybe it's Zeal's convoluted and divine way of reminding us that All Gods is still an option, and that a seventh High Priest would break the fucking deadlock."
"Don't we have to graduate to disciple first?" she asked.
I could only shrug. "I have no idea, but I bet you'd graduate to disciple in Obligation. We all would."
And the breath rushed from her lungs. "And we're all marked as Temptation."
I just nodded. "Yeah, and that's the winning play. It's just not the win we really want. So, stop playing the games Kinen gives you. Start making him play yours."
She just leaned her cheek into my palm, those beautiful golden eyes hanging on mine. "I don't know how. That's why Amerlee needs to do this."
"But there's nothing that says we can't learn," I reminded her. "And we'll do it together, because I will always be at your side. Lace or no lace. I am yours. If we fuck up, we'll do it as a team."
" A team of five," she agreed.
Chapter 48
Nariana
Fight back, they said. Let the ones with the right set of skills handle it, they told me. All of the advice was contradictory, and it all made me feel helpless. Talin had a point about our backup plan, but that was the thing, it was abackup plan, not the real goal. I wanted to save the gods. I wanted to fix our temple so it was once again Zeal's instead of Kinen's. I was tired of waiting for things, and yet the smart move was just to keep waiting a little longer.
So by the time we made it back to our suite, my nerves were humming with frustration at how useless I felt and how annoyed I was at being blamed for all of this. Yet seeing Wraythe, Anver, and Ela standing in the living room, waiting for me, made me realize just how tense I really was: tense enough for them to feel it too.
"I'm fine," I promised as I kept walking towards the dressing room. "My clothes are a mess, and I feel like the temple is falling apart, but I'm not hurt."
So Wraythe looked at Talin. "What happened?"
"Some priestess ranted at her on our walk back," Talin explained, and I let him deal with filling them in.
I just wanted to get out of this shirt. It smelled like blood. That was probably my imagination, since I'd had a protective layer over it, but I still wanted to change. Maybe a hot shower would calm my temper? Food definitely would, and then I could ask Anver how things had gone with the gods while I was in my practical.
Yanking my shirt over my head, I tossed it at the hamper and missed. Instead of worrying about it, I just bent to remove my shoes, socks, and pants. Those went the same direction, but at least most of it made it into the hamper. For a moment I paused in the middle of the room, trying to decide between a shower and clothes so I could have dinner. That was when Ela stepped into the room and closed the door.
"Talk to me?" he begged.
I pulled in a long breath and then pushed it out. "She didn't hurt me."
"That isn't what I asked." His eyes made a trip down my body, but his expression didn't change. "You're making me feel like my lace is one size too small, so why? What has you so tense?" He paused, grunting like he wanted to take those words back. "I'm not saying you shouldn't be. I'm trying to say that I want to help, Nari."
"That..." I groaned, deciding that I didn't need to be nice. "The stupid bitch got reassigned from research to teaching, and she blames me! Kinen is the one who reassigned her, but for some reason it'smyfault? Like, they're all so ready to hate me that they're missing the simple fact that Kinen is the one screwing them over!"
"So what are you going to do about it?" he asked, moving closer.
