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I threw up my hands and turned to pace. "Nothing! The infirmary is running out of medicine, and that's Maela's fault. Women all over this temple are being moved down to lower positions on their Path, and that's my fault. All six High Priests are debating taking over making laws, and I'm sure that's my fault too! But what can I do? Nothing. I'm supposed to worry about my classes. I'm supposed to let the ones with experience handle it. I'm supposed to learn how to fight back, but without ever taking a chance that might blow up in our fucking faces because the risks are too high to let a measly initiate handle it. I'm supposed to lead an army, but I don't fucking know how, Ela!"
I didn't realize that he'd followed me until his hands found my shoulders, he spun me to face him, and then he pushed my back against the wall. The breath fell from my lungs, because the man looming before me wasn't the soft and sweet version of my partner. His eyes were locked on mine and they were so dark. I knew they were supposed to be brown, but even this close, I swore they were completely black.
"You," he growled, pressing until his chest pinned me against the wall, "don't fight back, Nari. That has never been who you are. You avoid. You change the rules. You use the perception of yourself as this beautiful, fragile, and delicate little thing to convince them to make a mistake." His eyes dropped to my lips. "And then you break them from the inside out. Don't try to fight like everyone expects. Seduce them, Nari.Thatis how you fight back."
My eyes jumped between his, looking for the platitudes or lies to be waiting in them. Instead, I found the monster he'd been so afraid of for so long. Ela had always had a cruel streak in him, and he used it to cut down those who stepped into his way. Not the ones who wanted to help, and never the ones he loved, but it was still there. He could be as loud, beautiful, and flamboyant as he wanted, because we all knew that to cross him was dangerous.
I used to envy him for that ability, wishing I could scare Ciella away before she could taunt me again. The problem was that I was nothing like Ela. I wasn't terrifying. People looked at me and saw something beautiful that they should collect. They assumed I would be gentle and pliant. That was why Tath had even tried. It was how Kinen made his lies sound so believable. I also didn't know how to fix it.
"I'm not you," I reminded him. "Ela, you are the darkness, and I'm the light. That's what Zeal said, right? I just don't know how to make that into anything useful. I can't do this, and people are starting to get hurt."
"You can," he tried.
But I kept going. "Amerlee is fucking men, Ela. Farik's out of medicine. These are real things. Not some hypothetical - "
His hand found my neck, cutting off my words, and he leaned in. "You fucking can," he growled. Then, realizing what he'd done, Ela sucked in a breath and tried to jerk his arm back.
I caught his wrist, holding it there. I wasn't afraid of him, and I would not let this discussion end up as something that sent him spiraling again. He'd only just come to terms with his desire to hurt for pleasure. He was good at it, and I knew he loved it. I also loved him too much to be afraid of what he'd do to me.
But his eyes dropped down to where my fingers held his hand in place. "That," he said, the words much too calm as his eyes returned to mine. "Held against a wall with a punisher's hand around your throat, and you still take control. Soft, gentle, beautiful control. You are not meek, Nari. You haveneverbeen meek. You melted into Wraythe, convincing everyone that it wasn't his first kiss. You broke Talin's ex by giving yourself to him." His thumb swept across my pulse, his lips curled, and then his fingers tightened slightly. "Tell me, which of us do you think is really in control here? Do you honestly believe that just because I'm holding you tight enough to feel the breath in your throat that I'm honestly in charge?"
I lifted my chin. "Then prove it, Ela." Reaching up, I slid my free hand over his chest. "Stop treating me like I'm scared of you."
That was all it took. He leaned in, his mouth claiming mine, and kissed me so hard. What he didn't do was pull his hand away. Instead, I let him go, and as my tongue danced with his, teasing and taunting him for more, I pulled his shirt from his pants. When the hem was free, I pushed my hands inside the fabric and trailed my nails up his waist, towards his chest, until he had to pull back to suck in a breath.
"Harder," he growled.
So I raked my nails all the way down until I hit his waistband. He gasped, throwing his head back and his hips forward to grind his hardening dick against me. That trapped my hands between us, so I pushed just hard enough to get to his pants. Fumbling blindly, I managed to get them open even as I leaned in to take his mouth again.
"Your monster's sexy," I whispered against his lips just as his dick sprang free.
"Mm," he purred, stealing another fast kiss. "If we do this, you will have marks on your body."
"Your marks," I reminded him. "The one thing you've never given me."
"Oh, fuck," he groaned as he shoved his pants lower with one hand.
I heard them hit the ground, and he began fussing with his feet to get them off, but his hand left my throat. Before I could complain, he wrenched off his shirt and pushed down the lace of my bra, before pulling my panties to the side. Then, he grabbed the backs of my thighs and lifted. My legs wrapped around his waist, but the panties shifted again. Ela didn't seem to care. He simply ground his shaft along my folds, teasing me higher.
Holding his shoulder with one hand, I reached down to move the fabric again. Ela's lips curled, his hips shifted, and then he thrust, burying himself inside me. I moaned loudly, reaching back to grab at the wall, knowing it could do nothing for me. Then he began to move. As he slid out, stopping his retreat before we were separated, he bent to kiss my neck, my shoulder, and then the tops of my breasts. My nipples were so hard, wanting his mouth just a little lower, but he refused, thrusting hard into me again.
My shoulders were crushed against the wall. His body filled mine. His fingers gripped my thighs so hard I knew he would leave bruises, but I loved it. I rocked with him, driving myself further onto his dick, and for a moment neither of us cared about anything but the sweet friction we were making.
Then his teeth found my shoulder. Ela bit hard enough that I wasn't sure if he broke the skin, and yet I didn't try to stop him. This was his passion, and the pain was fleeting. The lust it created wasn't. Being held to the wall by an unrestrained version of my partner was all I'd hoped for. He fucked so hard, pulling me down as if I was some kind of toy here to please him. The problem was that I didn't just want sex from him.
I wanted his control.
Grabbing a fistful of his hair, I pulled, forcing his face to the ceiling, and then leaned in to suck and bite at his neck. He tried to pull free of my grip, so I added my other hand. The sound he made was feral, then he lifted my weight and moved two steps over to drop my ass onto the top of a chest of drawers. I pressed my hips into him again, making it clear exactly what I wanted, but this was Ela. He wasn't the kind to simply obey.
With one hand, he pulled my hips to the edge. He thrust, ramming himself into my body. When I tossed my head back to moan at how amazing that was, his hand locked around my neck, and this time he squeezed. There was a rush of panic as my air was cut off, but instead of fighting it, I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled his mouth to mine.
We kissed, we fucked, and he took me the way he wanted. I couldn't breathe except when he let me, and the skin around my neck was hot, making it clear that he was definitely leaving his mark, and it felt so good. Together, we thrust our bodies at each other, my hips pumping as furiously as his.
Something thumped to the floor, knocked off the dresser in our frenzy, but it didn't sound like it broke. Each time he thrust into me, the dresser bumped against the wall, making it clear exactly what we were doing in here. When his hand relaxed for a moment, I panted, sucking in great gasps of air, but all that mattered to me was the feel of this man against me.
His ass flexed under my legs. His hips were thick and solid against the insides of my thighs. His chest was so perfectly broad and muscular, grinding against me sometimes, and being just out of reach at others. Then there was his mouth. The flash of his teeth against my tongue, the hard thrusts of his tongue into my mouth, and the sensual kisses mixed in to keep me from knowing what came next were driving me crazy in the best way.
Ela was a lover, but the kind that could destroy, and he was mine. No, not his body, buthim. His heart, his mind, and even this monster that was making my entire body feel so fucking good. Each time he made me want to gasp, he let go so I could do it. When I had to moan, he forced the sound to make it past his fist. And then, just as the pressure inside me began to grow, he tore his mouth from mine.
