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I nodded, and Nari passed me a set of black pants. While I pulled those on, Ela turned to get his own clothes. Thankfully, black was something we had a lot of, and Ela had picked the best. My shirt was the darkest linen. My vest was made of silk, the five-headed snake embroidered onto the fabric with black thread. I chose an ascot that was soft, and a pocket square to match. Then I reached for my belt.
Nari's hand landed on mine. "No weapons today," she told me.
I held the belt tighter. "A dagger, because if Ela's coming with me, I am still a guardian, Nari."
"No sword or pistols," she insisted.
I nodded once, agreeing to that, and she let go. Removing the sword, I dropped that on the couch, and then wrapped my belt around my waist. I could feel the dagger's weight against my back, but it was almost comforting. It reminded me that I was strong enough to do this, even if it was hard. I also had something to protect - or someone. This time, it would be Ela, but all four of these people were enough to keep me going.
It took longer than expected for me to get ready. By the time I was done, over an hour had slipped away, but I could hear Thiemo's voice in the other room. Ela, surprisingly, had finished before me, and Nari hovered between the bedroom, dressing room, and the bathroom where I'd fixed my hair.
Those golden eyes were just a little too big. Her worry was obvious, both on her face and in my lace, but I also felt the love. She had complete trust in me, but not necessarily in herself. Guilt was swimming around in all of that, and I could tell. It was easy to ignore when I was moving, but as I stepped to the dressing mirror to make sure I looked acceptable, a whisper of it crossed my mind.
So I turned and pulled her against me. "I do not blame you," I told her. "I love you, Nari. I feel like I should be more focused on you, and I'm fighting that. I'mtryingto learn what my brother couldn't, so please stop blaming yourself?"
"But if I'd just given in," she breathed. "Talin, what if I'd simply let him have me? It wasn't like it would've been the first time."
"It still would've been rape," I reminded her. "Just because you're forced to say yes doesn't mean you consented."
She leaned into me a little more. "But doesn't that go both ways?"
"Yeah," I breathed, still not sure how to come to terms with that. "I just keep telling myself that he'd been warned. He knew what would happen. If he'd kept his hands off you, then none of it would've happened. To me, that makes it punishment - maybe even revenge - and it's easier to accept."
She jiggled her head in a weak and nervous nod. "Kinen will find out and use it against us."
"Shh," I whispered. "We can worry about that later. We can deal with that if he finds out, but I've already decided one thing. No matter what, Nari, we will be together. If Zeal's gone and we have to leave, my inheritance will be enough to buy some land. We'll become farmers. We'll be bad at it, cold in the winter, and crowded in the summer, but the five of us will never let each other go, ok?"
"Yeah, but..."
"I need you to say ok," I begged. "We have so many options, and this is the worst of them, but I need to know that we will not let go of each other. I need you - all of you - right now, so just promise me this?"
She looked up. "I swear it, Talin."
And something in my chest eased just enough so I felt like my heart could beat again. "Now, let's go check on my brother." And I turned her towards the sitting room. "I want you to stay with one of your guardians. Be paranoid while I'm gone. If you leave this room, make sure they're armed?"
"I will," she assured me just as we stepped into the sitting room to catch what my brother was saying.
"And Branstan sent a letter to the house of Inspiration. They got the official one. He sent a second, from him, to Zayr." Thiemo let out a shaking breath. "I told him everything, Ela. Bran, I mean. And he told Zayr. When he came for the viewing, Zayr pulled me aside and told me that he'd come out if that was what I needed, making our relationship public, but I told him not to. I said we had to wait, but he'll be there. That's all I need."
I moved behind Thiemo's chair and reached down to clasp his shoulder. "I like him, Thiemo. He's beautiful, he's kind, and he's perfect for you."
Under my palm, Thiemo softened. "But what if my name shows up in the book?" he asked. "What if I'm the next baron?!"
"Then you will wait out the mourning period," I told him, "and you will propose to Maela. Zayr can ask Yamina to be his wife. He's not the baron. His heirs won't matter, and Maela already has a son."
All the air in Thiemo's lungs rushed out, and then he trembled. "Yeah," he mumbled. "Fuck. Then they could be together too. We could..." He leaned his head back to look up. "Yamina told me, Tal. She told me she fell in love with Maela, and I've been trying to find a way for this to work, and I think that's it. I just don't know if Maela would agree to it."
"She might if you told her why," I assured him. "Tell her it's so you both can finally be free. Make it clear what you'd expect. Talk to Zayr about it, and see what he thinks." Then I leaned in, rubbing his shoulder in support. "And wait for all of that until you see whose name is in the book. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe you and Zayr can be scandalous friends who happen to live together. Right now, there are nothing but options, and we'll find a way to make all of this work, ok?"
Thiemo reached up to press his hand over mine. "You should've been the baron, Talin." Then his eyes widened. "Shit. You still could be."
"I know," I grumbled. "And I'm thinking about my options too."
Because if my name showed up in that book, my lace would fade. I'd be released from the temple. That was why I wanted Nari's promise, because if it happened, she was the only woman I'd take as my wife. I also wouldn't hide Ela, Anver, or Wraythe. The problem was that without Zeal, I had no way of knowing if any of that was possible, or if I'd lose them forever.
Chapter 74
Wraythe
