Page 153 of Stepbrothers' Darling


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“I-I don’t know,” I admit, and taking a chance, I meet her eyes. “What if I get them killed by staying? What if I stay and it ruins their lives? I’ve already ruined so many.”

“Isn’t it their choice to make? I won’t pretend to know what you’re going through, hun, but I’ve seen enough girls in this house and heard enough stories to know one thing.” She reaches for me. “That we are all just humans trying to survive, Blair, and if you’re lucky enough to find someone to stand at your side and gain a slice of happiness with them, then nothing else matters. You could worry about the what-ifs until your face is blue, but the truth is you will never know unless you try, and those what-ifs usually don’t end up happening. Take it from a woman who gave an asshole several chances, those boys are something special. They are loyal, incredible, and yes, rough, but they are worth the chance.”

“I’m scared,” I confess ashamedly.

“Who the hell isn’t?” She laughs. “But what you have to ask yourself is this: do I fear the thing more than the fear of never doing it? Not everything will work out, but those are the things that teach you what being alive is about. You can’t control the future, Blair, and you can’t control how you feel. The fact you are worried about ruining their lives shows exactly that. You won’t do it because you clearly love them enough not to. Have a little faith and hope. You’ve survived this long, and so have they. You are stronger together than apart.”

Stronger together than apart. It echoes through my head as I finish my vodka and go sit in the gardens with Mary, who remains quiet at my side, somehow knowing I need her silent support to think through my complicated, twisted thoughts.

I’m so used to leaving to protect myself. This time, I did it to protect them because I love them completely.

After all, that’s what love is.

Love is all-consuming. When you’re in it, it’s a beautifully imperfect high. Then when it’s over, you feel like you might die, like you can’t breathe or survive without them. But you do, you put yourself back together, and the pieces assemble differently than before, but they’re all the more beautiful for it. The places you visited together become happy memories, and the fights and problems fade until you eventually remember the good, not the bad. You become something new with their presence changing you for the better.

Then you do it all over again. People spend their lives searching for that same high in bottles and drugs, but nothing quite comes close to the airy, happy sensation of being lost in love. Of being so connected to another person, they see you in your darkest and brightest times. But there is something so beautiful about that, about how you impacted that person’s life, even for a moment. You were able to experience their life and the light they bring into the world, and even when it’s over, you can look back on it fondly.

I don’t want to do that here. I want to spend my life with them, even in pain and uncertainty. I still love them. I love them so much I’m willing to leave, to die for them. But Mary is right, we are stronger together. How could I think otherwise?

Just because I left, it doesn’t mean he won’t hurt them or that they won’t stop hunting him to protect me. I would do the same for them. That’s what love means, what family means, what being Crew means.

“I have to go back,” I murmur and look at her. “It doesn’t matter what happens, I have to go back. I’d rather be with them for a short time and be truly alive and happy than be without them and live a long, sad, boring life. They are worth the risk; they are worth the pain.”

“I hoped you would say that.” She smiles and squeezes my hand. “Go home, Blair. It’s time to face it.”

In that one sentence, she lets me know she sees more than I thought. Leaning in, I kiss her cheek. “Thank you.”

“Always,” she promises, and without a backwards glance, I rush through the house and to my car.

I can’t keep running, it won’t fix my problem. That’s what I’ve been doing for so long. I run from my memories, from my past, from people’s love. I run so often I forgot what it’s like to stop. But they are right, it’s time to make a stand with them. Even if it doesn’t end well, at least I won’t be alone. I’m finally fighting back, and they will be at my side. For all my bravado, I’ll admit I’ve been scared of the man who claimed to love me, but I can’t let fear stop me now.

I’ve never driven so fast in my life. I will definitely have some speeding tickets, but I don’t care. I need to get back to them, apologise, and beg for them to take me back and promise never to leave again. Even if Cyrus puts me on my knees and wrecks my body and heart to earn his forgiveness. Even if Asher spends forever painting my sins, and Bray makes me scream my apology to the skies.

I love Crew, and I want to be theirs.

When I pull up to the house, the front door is closed and the lights are off, but I hear music. I don’t know what state they will be in, but I have to try to get them back no matter what it takes. I can survive Crew; they would never hurt me. Not really. They may lash me with their words, hell, maybe even my arse with their belt—the thought makes me smirk and imagine all the ways they could punish me.

I’m still smiling as I push open the door. “Honey, I’m home!” I call to break the tension. I don’t hear them, though, only the slow pounding of rock music. “Guys?” I call, sighing as I step farther into the house. “I’m sorry, okay? Can you come down so we can talk? I was wrong to run. I thought if I did, I could protect you. I’m an idiot, I know, so come down and you can tell me to my face—”

My words cut off as I look into the dining room, drawn by a muffled noise. My eyes meet their wide, terror-filled ones.

They are all tied to chairs, their mouths gagged as they struggle, trying to warn me.

I hear the door slam shut and lock, and then there’s a warm breath across my neck.

“Welcome home, Blair,” a dark, satisfied voice croons next to my ear.

Mr. Andrews.

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