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“No.” I balled my fist. “It was everything you wanted. I was forced to go along with your plan.”
He changed his direction mid-stride, running one hand through his hair. “I should have never trusted you.”
“This has nothing to do with trust,” I exclaimed. “Don’t act like the victim in this. It doesn’t suit you.”
“Don’t you get it?” He threw his hands in the air, his eyes wild. “If it comes out that I knew who you were, I will lose a lot more than the promise of mortality. I’ll lose my life. If I help you escape before anyone finds out, Kalon will come after me. He’ll know I know where you are. I’ll never be safe again. My name, my reputation here, it will all go up fucking flames because you couldn’t keep to your end of the deal.” Tension ran thick in his voice. “What’s the plan then? Find Draven and run off into the night? In case you couldn’t tell, you’re surrounded by hundreds of miles of forests and mountains, and even if by some miracle you managed to get past those, you’ll still be in Sanmorte, as a mortal.”
“My mom…”
“Will get herself killed trying to help you.”
I blinked back tears as everything unraveled.
Sebastian took a step closer.
“What are you going to do, Sebastian?”
Power reached from my chest into my fingers, daring me to hurt him if he came any closer, but he didn’t.
“There’s nothing left for anyone to hurt me with.” The words ached, falling from my breathless lips. I lowered my barrier, feeling the sting of betrayal and rage that reached into his core.
I hurt him. Badly. Which only made him more dangerous.
“I’ve already lost everything,” I said because it was true. “My mom is a vampire, and after all these years after waiting to find out who my dad is, I can never have a relationship with him.” My mind flooded with memories of my life before this, when everything changed. I’d taken them for granted, my mom, Draven, and Astor. I’d become so used to reading my stories to my mom in the evening, drinking cocoa, and being in the backyard with Draven, who persevered in trying to teach me combat, even though I was terrible, and cuddling up with Astor, who held me so tight that I sometimes wondered if he was afraid I’d disappear. They were my world, and when I wasn’t with them, I was writing, taking long, hot baths, and watching reruns of my favorite programs or reading.
As the echoes of my former life slipped away, the transformation of who I was becoming, and everything that had been taken from me, burned a hole so deep I was afraid it could never be filled. My voice cracked when I opened my mouth again, the words biting into me, relentless.
“The love of my life turned out to be a liar who cared more about himself than me, and my best friend is a slave and will never be the same again.” My voice cracked. “There’s not much left for anyone to take, and you stand here and talk to me as if I owe you something. I don’t have to give you a damn thing because I never asked for you to save me, and sometimes…” I hesitated, my chest heaving. “Sometimes I wish you’d let them kill me.”
He gave me a pained look, his eyebrows drawing together, deepening the line appearing on his forehead. He reached out to touch me but stopped midair as I stumbled back.
“Don’t,” I warned. “I’m not in the mood for some emotionless bullshit about how I need to just keep going and keep to some deal I made when I thought my mom could still be saved.”
“I wasn’t going to say that.” He paused, his posture mirroring mine.
Silence hung between us as we stared each other down, neither looking away. His anger dissipated slowly, turning into pity.
“Don’t you dare.”
“What?”
“Pity me. You have no idea how any of this feels.”
“I do.” He let out a tense breath, his muscles slackening. “My mom—” He struggled with the words as if this were the first he was speaking them out loud. “She was a good woman.”
The cold sank through my skin, chilling my bones. I rolled my neck to combat the shiver dancing in my spine. I wanted to stay mad at him, to yell at him to go fuck himself, but his words hit somewhere deeper than they should. “Were you there? When she—”
He nodded. “She threw herself in front of me. All movie style,” he joked, but the sadness pinched deep in his eyes.
It was never going away. That kind of grief never left.
“I thought I could at least save my siblings.” He winced at the memory. “We lived in a border town in another kingdom, and Velda and others from Nightshade came in the night. They tore my mom and dad apart. I should’ve fought them, but I wanted to protect the rest of my family.”
My mouth dried, and I raised my fingers to my throat, watching him through glossed eyes.
“They were so scared, begging through tears to spare us, but they didn’t care.” Tears swam in those deep-blue eyes I’d only seen show hardness before now. “When I woke up, I found them dead. I fought, but I was nothing against them. The men who drained them of blood did… other things too. I wanted to die. Then, I guess for whatever reason, Velda changed me.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, my hands shaking as I imagined the whole scene in my head. Tears of my own threatened to break through when I looked at him. I could feel everything he did, and it stole my breath away.
