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“My sister and brothers were taken to Sanmorte. They didn’t survive more than a few weeks in the blood den. Some aniccipere got hungry. That’s the only reason I agreed to come here, to help what remained of my family, but by the time I got to them, it was already too late. Gwen helped me after that.” He looked up, lost in the memory of people who no longer existed. “She wanted me, but I couldn’t look at her without seeing Velda, and I wasn’t interested in finding anything that resembled love after that. There was no space in my heart.”
“You said Zach and Erianna saved you.”
“They did. I ran from Nightshade and gave up, but they found me and made me keep going.”
I knew firsthand how persuasive Erianna could be. “I’m glad she did.”
“I don’t think you mean that.” He let out a watery laugh, and I walked to him slowly. He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Now you know, so trust me when I tell you I know how you feel. But I’m still here, fighting, and you must as well because your mom may be a vampire, and your best friend is enslaved, but they’re still alive. I’m not the only one who has lost everything. Probably half the vampires in Sanmorte have no family.”
That hit hard, pushing my tears over the edge. I noticed one trickle down his cheek. Instinctively, I reached up, wiping it away. He sniffed, looking away. He looked so broken when he cried. I placed my hand on his chest, not to take away his pain, but to share it. “I guess the gods had a sense of humor when bringing us together.”
“If you believe everything happens for a reason,” he countered.
“It makes it easier to have faith.” I rubbed the side of my neck. “Why is getting your mortality back so important?” I dared to ask. After all, he didn’t have a family to go back to. Not that I’d ever say that out loud.
“Because.” He turned to face the window. “I’m one of them now, and when I look in the mirror, all I see is a murderer.”
“You’re not a killer.”
“No?” He balled his fists, turning so I could see the darkness in his eyes. “You don’t think I haven’t killed anyone? I’m just as bad as they were, and if I don’t get away from this place, I’ll end up worse than the people who murdered my family.”
I shook my head. “I don’t believe that. You’re not a bad person.”
“I am, Olivia, and the moment you try to convince yourself that I’m not is the moment you’ll lose. You have to show some teeth in this kingdom and take what you want because no one will help you. It’s not in our nature to show kindness.”
“My mom will,” I stated.
“You have to help yourself. Find your power and take your place on the throne. Don’t you see? You can make sure no one hurts you again. You can punish Astor, Gwen, and anyone else who’s crossed you.”
I took a step back. “If you believe that’s what I really want, then you don’t know me at all. You say you have to look out for yourself, but Erianna and Zach are here, for you. So you’re not as alone as you tell yourself you are. Also,” I added, “there are many mortals who are far more monstrous than the vampires I’ve met. Mortality won’t take away those dark parts of yourself, but if you want to keep believing you’re a bad person, that you’re somehow worse than the people who tore apart your family, that’s because you want to believe it.”
I felt bad saying it, but I had to because it was true. “You’re not a monster, Sebastian. You’re just like me—a little broken.”
He sat on the edge of the bed, placing his head in his palms. “I don’t see how either of us is getting out of this alive.”
A lump formed in my throat. “I know you’re upset with me.”
“It’s more than that. I threw away everything to help you. This was supposed to be my chance at a new life.”
“What about me and what I want?”
He let out a long exhale. “I guess I didn’t really see you as a person when the plan was formulated. When I met you, I tried to keep my distance, emotionally, but now, it’s all too real.”
“I’m glad you see me as a person,” I joked. “Honestly”—I glanced over at the draped window—“I don’t know what to do either.”
A knock resonated through the room. Sebastian jumped to his feet, speeding to the door before I got a chance to process what was happening. He placed a finger against his lips. “Who is it?”
A whisper muffled from behind the door, a sound only Sebastian could hear. His expression softened when he pulled down the handle, and Draven walked in, looking like something from out of a horror movie.
TWENTY-THREE
“I was hoping it wasn’t true,” Draven said when I threw my arms around him, resting my head against his shoulder. “Your mom told me you were here and where to find you. I couldn’t believe it was her at first.”
I released him, eyeing the bite marks all over his neck and wrists. “I know.” I gave him a bitter smile. “She’s one of them, but she seems herself.”
“Except for the blood-drinking part.”
Sebastian cleared his throat. “Did she say anything else to you?”
