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“You’re not a demon,” I snapped, hating what he was insinuating. “I understand why you betrayed me in the dungeons….”
“I didn’t betray you. You’ve got it all wrong.”
“You gave me up.”
“To protect you. How else do you think we would have gotten out of there? The plan of turning you would’ve never worked.”
“You didn’t even give it a chance,” I rebuked.
He rested his forehead against his knuckles. “Let’s not argue.” I’d never seen him look so defeated.
Worry coiled in my chest. “You hate me for making you marry me, don’t you?” I asked the question I’d been dreading.
He shook his head. “I could never hate you. You saved me. I know that.”
“It wasn’t all that selfless,” I admitted. “It was you or Draven, and I didn’t want to submit his soul to that.”
He flinched. “He’s lucky to have you watching out for his soul.”
“I care for yours, too.”
Something changed in his eyes. “Someone has to.”
I sighed. “I feel so lost. I don’t want to lose my powers just yet.” The words left my lips before I could stop them. “Today has been… I wish you could, maybe—”
“If you want me to stay with you, just say.”
I thumbed the side of my neck, moving my hair over one shoulder. “Just for tonight.”
He climbed into bed after me, then wrapped his arm around me. “Is this okay?”
“Yes,” I whispered, snuggling into his warmth, resting easily against the sound of his breaths and beating heart. “I didn’t realize how much I needed this until now.”
He pressed his forehead against mine and closed his eyes. “I needed this, too,” he said before falling asleep, and all the pain in his expression fell away. He looked so peaceful while he slept. His grip never loosened around me.
Sleep came in waves, and I let the memory of Hamza slip away as I held onto Sebastian, as if daylight would come too soon and steal this moment away.
SEVEN
Sebastian
I could still smell her on my clothes. I breathed in the vanilla and jasmine scent, climbing my gaze to the arched windows overlooking the castle grounds. Icicles hung from the weathered fountain in the center of the courtyard, frost clinging to the gray stone. The first peaks of sunrise reached through the mountains beyond the vast evergreen forest stretching out into the horizon. My breath fogged the air as I caught my solemn reflection in the window.
Last night had been a mistake. Ithadto be. I couldn’t continue to let her in, knowing any feelings I held for her would be her ruin. Her heart was too kind, and I would destroy it. I thought back to the guards I’d slaughtered. Olivia didn’t think I was a killer, that I couldn’t be. She was wrong, and once I revealed that darkness, she’d think me a monster like the rest of them.
Yet, I couldn’t stop thinking about Olivia, no matter how hard I tried to push her from my thoughts. There were these moments where I felt myself softening, like last night when she’d given me most of the blanket so I wouldn’t get cold. I didn’t have the heart to remind her it didn’t bother me like it did her. Or the way she tried to hide her smile when I’d make a snarky comment about something and would pretend to be mad.
Then there was the way she spoke about things; it was so mortal. So beautiful. I recalled going to Laveniuess’ Lake, and she’d given me this speech about why he was the god she appreciated the most, and how embracing one’s inner darkness was important. She even believed in redemption for the souls of immortals. Olivia didn’t know it, but that conversation made me feel better about accepting myself, although I was sure I was far past the line of redemption now. I still wore the dried blood from the hearts I tore out yesterday.
I shook my head as if to scatter the thoughts of her, then turned and strode down the empty corridor. Baskets of ivory wildflowers hung from hooks on the walls. Rose petals thrown after the various weddings over the last week floated from the wisps of air carried by my feet as I walked.
My heart skipped a beat as I walked into the throne room. I blinked twice, taking in the hundreds of unlit cream candles standing in alcoves, suspended from strings hanging from the ceiling, and on silver candleholders. Several servants worked on one of the three archways over the aisle leading up to the central arch, entwined with ivy, thorns, and the deepest red roses I’d ever seen.
I walked the white carpet leading to the altar, looking out at the hundreds of white chairs that must have only been erected this morning, as none of this was here yesterday. I eyed a woman scrubbing the king’s throne with a bucket and soap. She shot me a warm, but seductive smile. There was a twinkle in her sapphire eyes, and as much as I wanted to smile back, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
My eyebrows furrowed, and I brought my attention back to the altar. This is where Olivia and I would get married tomorrow. The realization hit me like a punch to the face. I paused mid-step and wetted my lips. This was all too much. Marriage. I’d never wanted it. Even seeing the whole setup made me want to extend my wings and get the fuck out of there. But I couldn’t. Erianna would never get away. Losing her wings had weakened her too, as well as forever marked her as a traitor to anyone who knew the laws of Sanmorte. Still, she would stay and fight, and who knows what would happen to Olivia? Perhaps she’d be forced to marry. Maybe she’d end up with Draven? He was the safer bet out of the two of us, but she didn’t want to submit his soul to eternal damnation and strip his mortality away forever.
“Getting cold feet?” Velda’s sharp, clipped voice sounded behind me. “Don’t worry. Marriage isn’t forever. I mean, only as long as you’re both alive, and accidents can always be arranged.”
