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The tension drained from his body, and, without looking at me, he collapsed to the floor. I reached down to comfort him, but I immediately withdrew my hand when he flinched away.
“How do I...?” he trailed off with a sob. “How do I deal with this?”
Keeping each of my movements slow as to not startle him, I sunk down onto the plush carpeting. This time, he didn’t move away from me as our thighs touched.
“Sometimes you can’t deal with it,” I answered honestly. “Some days are worse than others. It doesn’t matter where you are or who you are with. You remember, and it feels like you’re drowning. Again. And again. But then you reach the surface, and you’re finally able to breathe. Ryder, the world is so beautiful once you’re above the water. It sucks when you’re drowning, but you have to hold on. You have to wait until you can breathe again because it’s an amazing feeling. It’s...relief.”
I didn’t know if my words registered in Ryder’s head. I hoped they did, but I was a realist. It would take time for him to go back to the boy he once was, if he ever would. It didn’t matter to me either way.
Something inside Ryder broke, like a dam exploding. He cried in earnest, leaning into me. I wrapped my arms around him from behind, holding him to me as if I was physically able to hold together his broken pieces.
I would hold him until the day I died if I had to.
