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Chapter 24

Addie

“Imet Liz a couple of years ago,” Ryder said, breaking the monotony of silence I had grown accustomed to. His head was in my lap as my fingers ran through his soft hair. I knew that we had to leave - the boys were probably worried sick, and both of us were severely injured - but I couldn’t find the strength to move from the ground.

“She went to school with us, but I had never really talked to her, you know? I thought she was hot and everything, but I was warned to stay clear of her. Apparently, she was batshit crazy.”

Ryder let out a humorless laugh, and I squeezed his hand, wordlessly encouraging him to continue.

“For one of our classes, we were paired up together. It was a dumbass class to be completely honest. I don’t remember a single thing that was taught.”

“I invited her over to my apartment to work on our project a couple of times, and I visited her house as well. I didn’t think anything of it until one night I got completely drunk. We slept together.” His eyes flickered up towards my face anxiously as if he was afraid I was going to judge him because of his confession. All I could do was smile lovingly at him.

No words. I didn’t have words to console him, nor did I think he would accept them. All I could do was listen to his story without judgement.

“I was stupid. I didn’t understand that my actions had consequences, and it was my responsibility to pay them. I looked at Liz like I looked at every other girl - an easy fuck. She looked at it differently.

“The next day, she told me that she loved me. I laughed, of course, because I thought she was teasing. I couldn’t even recall her full name, yet she was in love with me? It didn’t make any sense. Besides, everybody at school knew my reputation. I didn’t love anyone, and I sure as hell didn’t do relationships.”

He was silent for another long moment. Again, I had the distinct feeling he was gauging my reaction. Tilting my face upwards, I noticed a fan swirling above us providing the room with much needed circulation. On and on it spun. Never stopping. Never starting.

There was no endpoint, no starting point, just the repetitive swirl of the propellers. I didn’t know why my attention had become fixated on such a mundane object. Maybe it was because I recognized Ryder for what he was, a kindred soul, and the onslaught of emotions that accompanied that revelation made my head pound in tangent with my heart.

Still, my hand continued to play with his hair in a feeble attempt at comfort.

“She became obsessed with me. She would show up at my doorstep at random times, demanding that I take her out. She was jealous of my friendship with the guys and the other girls.

“One day, she showed up to my band practice. She was babbling incoherently about how I had cheated on her. She told me she was going to kill herself if I ever left her. She told me...” Ryder broke off with a sob, and I wrapped my arms tighter around him.

“I didn’t know how to deal with it. Withher. I didn’t love her like that, but I felt obligated to be with her. After all, it was my fault she was so fucked up. If I would’ve just kept my dick in my pants...” he trailed off yet again, this time with a self-resigned sigh. I could tell he blamed himself, but I knew that the blame wasn’t warranted. It wasn’t his fault that she was mentally ill. He may have been a catalyst for her behavior, but he wasn’t the reason.

“I was diagnosed with depression shortly after that incident. Sarge talked to Liz’s parents, and I honestly thought we had it all figured out. She would get the help she needed, and so would I. I hadn’t talked to her in months. A few weeks ago, she reached out to me again.”

When the silence became more pronounced than any of the previous ones, I tentatively asked, “What happened a few weeks ago?”

“She saw me with you, and she knew that it was different. That you were different.” His hand squeezed my thigh, grip almost painful. “I hadn’t realized that she still felt...so strongly for me. She texted me and demanded that I meet up with her. She threatened you.”

My hand paused its ministrations.

“Threatened...me?”

“She knew how I felt about you, or at least she suspected it. Either way, she suddenly had leverage over me that she never had previously. I told her to fuck off.” He laughed again. “Wrong move apparently.”

We sat in companionable silence for a few long minutes. I honestly thought he had finished his story, so his next words surprised me.

“She told me that I had to like it. She told me that she would hurt you if I didn’t. I wasn’t allowed to cry or scream. I wasn’t allowed to fight.” His body shook with sobs, and all I could do was hold onto him tighter. Feeling helpless to end his suffering, I pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“You don’t have to explain,” I whispered.

“But I want you to know that I wouldn’t have touched her. I didn’t want to touch her.” He curled himself further into me. And then he said it, in a house that held nothing but bad memories and with our tormentor tied up only a few doors down.

“I love you.”

He cried harder, hands clenching and unclenching where they wrapped around my leg. It was a desperate attempt on his part to hold onto something tangible.

“Please say that you love me back,” he sobbed. “I don’t have anyone anymore. You’re all that I have. I love you. I love you.”

I didn’t answer him, though it wasn’t because I didn’t feel the same. Those were not words I could say in such a desolate place. No, when I finally said them, I wanted the moment to hold nothing but good memories instead of the pain we were both feeling. They shouldn’t be spoken in a house that reverberated with the horrors we had endured.

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