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“Me too,” I whisperedback.
She smiled. “You were so scared, you begged me to take you home before it was even your turn. Do you remember what I toldyou?”
The memory was an old one. I tried to put gymnastics out of my mind since she had gotten sick. I had directed my focus to more important things like getting a job and paying bills. I didn’t realize how much I had missed the feel of spandex on my stomach and brushing over my shoulders as I performed untilnow.
“I told you that life is full of big scary things, but most of those big scary things only look that way because we’re so small. That when you walk up to the things that scare you, they aren’t usually so big or scary,” she whispered, sleepily. “You’re so full of life, Baby. I would hate for you to give up something that makes you happy just because it scares you. I hated that you gave up gymnastics. Whatever it is that you’re working on now, Baby, I can tell you love it already. If you didn’t love it, you wouldn’t be this torn. You can’t be afraid of making tough choices, Baby.” Mom yawned, resting her head back on the pillow. “Sometimes, you just have to do it. It’s one of those now or never kinds of things. Jump in like you did with gymnastics. Fight for it if you want it, or else you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been.” I watched as her eyelids drooped and closed, spreading her lashes over the dark circles under hereyes.
I used to love gymnastics. I had been absolutely heartbroken when I realized we couldn’t afford it anymore. Mom hadn’t been that bad yet, but she had been exhibiting signs of deterioration. Even when she took her normal medication, her moods would fluctuate. I hadn’t understood what was happening until the doctors explained it to me and even then, it was a very basicunderstanding.
She was right, though, about the memory. Gymnastics had been my safe place. Competition had turned it into a weapon that I didn’t like. I had been so scared of falling and breaking my leg in front of the hundreds watching. But fear wasn’t something that I could let myself fall victim to. Iris wasn’t the same thing, but I was still scared because I didn’t understand it. Yet, even beneath that fear, I trusted the guys. I knew they wouldn’t hurt me, that they would help me if I let them. I wanted to let them. I wanted to grow withthem.
The door opened and Bellamy stood there, lit from behind by the hallway. He took one look at my mom and quietly assessed me to see if I was okay. I gave him a shaky smile and slid off the bed. Almost immediately, she slid to the middle of the mattress. I tucked her hair away from her face and bit my lip to keep the tears from leakingout.
Bellamy took my hand as I approached him and pulled me in for a strong hug. My hands shook as I raised them and clutched his shirt, burying my face against his wide chest. I sniffed and rubbed my nose between his pecs. He chuckled and stroked myhead.
“Ready to go?” hewhispered.
I took a step back, wiping under my eyes to make sure I was still in the clear before I nodded. He took my hand and led me out into the hall. I stopped when I realized he wasn’t the only one who had shown up. All of themhad.
Knix was stretched out awkwardly in one of the uncomfortable waiting room chairs while Texas snoozed in the corner with a tablet on his chest. Marv paced back and forth in front of the nurse’s station, drawing several curious and appreciative gazes. Knix sat up, taking in my face and my hand clutched in Bellamy’s. He stood and approached as Marv strode to Texas and shook him awake. Texas’ tablet slid to the floor with a soft thud and he stood up, looking around inconcern.
“So,” Knix said, as if he knew what I had been talking about with my mom. “What’s theverdict?”
Now was the time to tell them if I was in or out. I took in their gazes and felt the rising of fear stab at my chest. It had been so easy to stay in the gray with them, yet it had been difficult too. I didn’t like being left behind. Now, I had the choice to either step completely into their realm or remain in mine. I couldn’t live in limboforever.
“Harlow?” Bellamyprodded.
I looked at them. Knix. Marv. Bellamy. Texas. It felt like something was missing. Maybe that something wasme.
“Harlow, you have to give us something,” Marv said. “Don’t just leave uswaiting.”
“Princess?”
“LittleBit?”
I laughed. They were all so nervous, just as nervous as me. It made me feel better, but they didn’t need to be because I already knew my answer. I knew as soon as I said it, a new door would open and for the first time in my life, I was ready to fight forit.
“I want to know about Iris,” I announced. They all stared atme.
“Are you sure?” Texas asked. “Because if we tell you, then that means thatyou’re…”
“Yea,” I said. “I’min.”
Knix smirked and drew me in for a hug. “Well, then, Little Bit,” he said. “Welcome toIris.”
