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DELILAH
So this is it. This is the room I’m going to die in. It’s going to be my tomb. I won’t even get to see the sun again, thanks to these stupid, windowless walls.
Because what’s the alternative? Dying somewhere else? Either way, the result is the same. I won’t be breathing air anymore. I might as well do it on my own terms, alone, with as little pain as possible. I’ll slowly starve since I doubt anybody would go out of their way to make sure I get food.
Of course, I know there’s no chance of leaving this life peacefully. I’m infamous. And I’m sure Lucas will find out if I don’t show up for class after a few days or if I’m never seen in the cafeteria. He might not want anything to do with me, but I have no doubt he would drag me from this room and force me to face my fate.
He would probably get off on it. It wouldn’t surprise me if he jerked off while watching my fellow students stone me to death or something barbaric like that. He’d finally have his revenge for his precious daughter, and nobody would ever have to know about our dirty little secret.
I touch the spot on my throat where his fingers pressed in. It’s been hours, but I still feel it. Just like I still feel his anger, so intense I thought it might choke me before he ever laid a hand on me.
And I know a small part of that is my fault. I should have heard him out on the plane, given him a chance to explain himself. But I was hurting. He hurt me, and I was angry about that.
He wasn’t just Lucas then. He was everybody who’s ever used me, disregarded me, and thrown me away like I was garbage. I was lashing out at all of them. He just happened to be the person in front of me at the time.
I definitely shouldn’t have brought up Aspen. I know better than that. But I was desperate, trying to convince him that leaving me here is a bad idea.
Now, he hates me just as much as everybody else. My only hope of protection around here, and I alienated him. I could have at least heard him out, maybe let him grovel a little. No, it wouldn’t have changed anything, but he might not hate me the way he does now.
I don’t know why I bothered trying to get to sleep. Great, now all I can think about is a few nights ago when I couldn’t fall asleep. Our shower together. Not just that, but all the time he spent listening to me in bed. How could he be so thoughtful and considerate and generous, then try to choke me a few days later? Nothing about him makes sense.
But I need him. Not just physically. I need his support. I need people to know he’s behind me.
“That’s not going to happen.” I roll over and punch my pillow before falling back with a groan. Even if he didn’t hate me, he couldn’t afford to let anybody know he actually cares what happens to me. That wouldn’t do him any favors, not with the students nor their parents.
What a completely fucked-up bunch of people they are, all of them. When I think about it that way, I’m glad I didn’t grow up close to this world. My father did me a favor by excluding me. At least I’m able to think like a normal person and not follow these strange, violent, archaic rules.
So what does he expect of me? Am I supposed to go to class like everything is normal? I don’t know how I would. It was bad enough before this. Now I not only almost got Aspen killed, but I killed Nathaniel.
A knock on the door makes me sit bolt upright. Once my heart dislodges itself from my throat, it takes off at top speed. This is it. Somebody came for me. Funny how all of a sudden, the last thing I want is to die. Ten seconds ago, I was actually considering it.
There’s another knock, softer this time. Am I making a mistake by getting out of bed and checking to see who it is? Then again, if somebody wants to hurt me, would they bother knocking? I’m sure if it was Quinton, for instance, he’d have a way of getting in without waiting for me to answer the door. Some people know how to get around the rules, no matter what the rules are.
“Who is it?” I ask.Please, please, don’t be Quinton.
The door is thick, but with my ear pressed against the crack, I hear, “It’s me, Dr. Lauren. I wanted to check on you now that I know you’ve arrived.”
I almost forgot about her. Maybe she’ll be on my side. She seems a lot smarter and more reasonable than the rest of these people. Like she might actually weigh the facts of a situation before deciding who was in the wrong.
She offers a tentative smile when I open the door enough to catch sight of her. It can’t be much past five in the morning, but she already looks ready for her day. I wish I knew how to dress and groom myself like her. She’s not flashy, nowhere close, but she always looks put together. Classy. Something that was in seriously short supply back at the trailer park.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers after looking me over. “I’m sure I must have woken you up.”
“You didn’t.” I back away, opening the door wider. “Come on in.”
She takes a slow look around the room, nodding slightly. “This is nice. I’m sure you won’t mind having your own space finally.”
Sure, I might if it had been my choice. “If only I wasn’t sure everybody would plot to be the first one to break in and murder me.”
“That’s not going to happen.” She takes a seat on the foot of the bed, frowning. “I know what happened. And I know how to read between the lines. I also know you.”
“No, you don’t. Not really.”
“Let’s say I have a good instinct for people. I know you didn’t have a choice.”
I throw my hands into the air. “Thank you. I really appreciate it. But you and Lucas will be the only two people in this place who don’t hold it against me. You’re sort of outnumbered.”
And I don’t even know if I can count Lucas anymore. I can’t tell her about that, though I sort of want to. This is the time in a girl’s life when she could use a friend to confide in. The irony is, the only other person around here who’s come close to that is Aspen. And that wasn’t real, anyway—even if it was, she’s not going to want to be my friend anymore.
