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Chapter 20
Elyse
It took a while for me to recover. I remained at Heracles’s place for a couple of days after getting injured because I wasn’t even healthy enough to be transported. But after that, because of my rapid healing, I started moving around again, and eventually, I was ready to go back home. Someone else might have been in the hospital for months. I was up and about after a handful of days.
If it weren’t for my divine power, which made me strong enough to overcome a wound like that, I definitely would have died.
A vague memory gnawed at me, a memory of following a different road than I was meant to, not ending up in the Elysian Fields, but going back to Earth to try again. And I prayed with all my might I wouldn’t regret my decision.
Now I looked back at the choice I’d made, I had no idea why I’d chosen this path. If I’d elected to go with my dad, I’d be happy and warm and healthy now, with nothing else to worry about other than how I was going to spend eternity with my family. Instead, I chose to come back to the godforsaken Earth I couldn’t look after. But I knew why… and the gods came to mind, how much I’d miss them, how they’d changed my outlook on life, and made me realize I didn’t need to be alone.
At first when I was back home, Ares and Poseidon planned to look after me. The three gods—Heracles included—intended to continue with the rotation to keep me safe. To make sure I was all right, that I healed completely, and give X no chance to come for me.
The truth was, I wanted to be utterly alone. Yet, the three of them wouldn’t budge, and one always stayed close, even if they stayed in a different room, or just outside my apartment door. They insisted someone had to remain nearby, whether I liked it or not. And I couldn’t argue with them. Not only did I feel like a failure, but I was heartbroken Hades made it so clear I was worth nothing to him. If he’d been there, watching me die, and he hadn’t jumped in, that was all the answer I needed about what he felt for me.
Clearly, I was nothing at all. In fact, if he was willing to watch me die, perhaps he felt even less than that, perhaps it bordered on hatred.
I didn’t even want to think about it. But I didn’t want the other gods around to remind me of my shortcomings, my downfalls, the fact that I wasn’t able to do things the way I should have been able to. I didn’t want Poseidon’s sympathy. I didn’t want Heracles’s advice. And I didn’t want Ares to worry me the way he did—whenever he looked at me, I sensed that he wasn’t sure I’d pull through after all. He seemed the most worried of all.
But I healed really quickly, and I wasn’t going to get sicker, so it had nothing to do with my health. The truth was, I didn’t think X would come after me again. He’d practically succeeded in killing me, which was what he wanted, right? And even though I hadn’t died, not completely, the warrior side of me that threatened him was dead. I stood in his way, and now he’d grown stronger than me, I was most likely no longer on his radar. But the guys insisted there was a chance X could still return to finish me off just in case.
X was too strong to beat, and I’d lost my capacity to believe in the impossible. The only thing left was for me to carry on day by day, like any other human on Earth.
Still the gods remained close, like Heracles outside my apartment in the hallway, reading the paper, wanting to give me space, but not be too far.
The only difference was I knew I would never fit in. The thought left me uncertain about my purpose on Earth. No one could stand in X’s way, so what next? Sit back and watch him devour millions of innocents while I pretended to lead a normal life? Ha. There was nothing normal in my life.
After forcing a small bit of breakfast down my throat—I hadn’t wanted to eat at all since my injury—I carried a blanket and a pillow to the couch to settle in front of the television. I’d planned a whole day of movies and series, ready to waste as much time as possible. I wasn’t going to look for a fight or get myself into trouble so I could get killed, but there were other ways of wasting away until the end of my days.
Pathetic? Yup. Especially after my dad gave me the option to tap out and I hadn’t taken it. But I hadn’t realized I’d be so depressed and disheartened when I woke up again. And this seemed exactly the way to go about my day, considering I’d failed in my mission to protect people.
Suddenly, Hades appeared in the middle of my living room. For a moment, I wondered if he was an apparition, something that I was hallucinating, because it didn’t seem realistic he was here. I’d moped around for him for so long, it might have been I imagined things.
But of course, why would he be anywhere else? Hades had a way of rubbing it in my face that he was my weakness, and then proving how little he cared by getting me into trouble. Or watching me die. Or killing me himself.
We had a terrible history.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” he asked when I stared at him without a sound.
“What do you want me to say?” I barely had the energy to be furious. Although deep down inside, the fiery pit of rage bubbled away. I’d just suppressed the anger so far to be able to get through every day.
“It’s not like you to keep so quiet,” he said.
The spark of anger that always appeared when Hades was in front of me surfaced, a scalding heat sweeping across my nape, and I recognized my old self.
“What do you know about me and what I’m like?” I asked, my voice rising. “And what do you care at all? You’ve never made an effort to find out who I am. All you worry about is yourself.”
“Elyse.” Hades sighed, but I wasn’t going to let him finish.
“In fact, you don’t give a shit about me. You let me die. Not only one time, either. I distinctly remember you being the one to drive the sword home once.”
I stood up from the couch. Pain shot through my ribs, the exertion a bit much, but I didn’t care. My adrenaline started pumping and my anger numbed the pain.
“And then you have the nerve to show up here. After you told me you didn’t want to see me, after you made it clear you want nothing to do with me, after you watched me die and did nothing. Everything is on your terms, isn’t it? I guess I should consider myself lucky you’re not getting rid of me now.”
“Elyse, it’s not like that.” The softness in his eyes surprised me, but I didn’t believe it. He’d burned me too many times.
“Don’t tell me what it’s not like. I’m the one who died, remember? And you did that to me.”
