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He shook his head and opened his mouth to say something again, but I wasn’t interested. I didn’t want to hear it. I wanted nothing from him. I wanted him to stay away from me, to get out of my life so I could forget about him and how I felt about him. It might take me a while, but eventually I’d learn how to block that part of my mind and heart so I never thought about him again.
“Just go away,” I snapped. “I don’t need you here. Surely, you of all people can understand that. Try to respect what I ask for a change.”
Hades rolled his eyes. “I’m so sick and tired of fighting with you.”
I couldn’t believe he’d just said that. I barked a surprised laugh, but pain shot through my stomach and I winced.
He looked worried, his brow furrowing, his mouth turning downward. What a refreshing change. I wished it were genuine.
“Just leave.” My voice cracked as I spoke.
Hades hesitated for a moment, as if going to do exactly what I’d asked. But that would be too good to be true. It wasn’t like Hades to give me what I asked.
The next moment, he pulled me closer to him and kissed me. It wasn’t rough and demanding like the way he’d been before. This time, he was gentle with me, though still commanding, stillinsistent. My mind blurred, so I tried to back away.
But he held me tighter.
His lips were soft against mine. One hand rested on my hip and the other on my cheek, his fingers in my hair.
This didn’t feel like the lust-driven actions of Hades, the one god I couldn’t resist no matter what an asshole he was. This felt a lot like… affection.
“What are you doing?” I asked, breaking the kiss.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
We were in uncharted territory. What the hell was going on? Hades rarely did this. But recently, he’d shown me more affection than normal, and he hadn’t ever apologized for anything. I didn’t even think he understood what an apology was.
“For what?” I asked carefully because I was damn bewildered, drowning in so many emotions.
“For everything. Being an ass. Letting you die. Killing you. All of it. I longed to keep you safe, to be sure you were okay. But I believed if you were with me, that was the opposite of what you’d be. And I was a dick.”
I had no idea what to say to that. I didn’t know how to respond at all.
“Why are you doing this?” I was in danger of all my feelings for Hades rushing back, and I had to stop that from happening. I needed to remain angry with him because it was the only way I could push him away, get rid of whatever the fuck was going on here. I was pretty sure this wasn’t going to last. It never did, and he’d trodden on my heart too many times already.
“We’re not doing this again.” I shoved him away. “I am not playing this game with you. It’s always the same thing—you manage to convince me you’re not such a bad person, and then I fall for it and believe you. Afterward, when it’s all over, you ditch me, and I have to pick myself up all over again. We’re not doing it another time. I don’t have what it takes.”
I was injured, I was tired, I was everything that stopped me from doing what I’d done before. Hades just wasn’t a person I could dedicate time or affection to. All that would happen was I’d get hurt again. And I couldn’t bear to continue being knocked back by him.
“Stop pushing me away,” he snapped, pulling me closer to him again. “I’m not here to fight with you. I see you’re angry, and I understand it. But I’m not here to look for trouble. I’m here to tell you I’m sorry, and I mean it. It’s you, Elyse. It’s always been you.”
His words floated in my head like a merry-go-round, over and over.It’s always been you.
Again, I had no idea what to say, and I searched for words. But I didn’t have to say anything.
When I didn’t respond, he continued. “When you were between the Earthly realm and the Elysian Fields, I sensed you about to depart, and having you so close to actually dying for good ripped me apart. It shredded me, and I might as well have had a heart attack, because I drowned in excruciating pain. It was my fault for hurting you, for letting things between us get so bad. I was a fucking ass.”
“Yes, you were. But I’ve died several times already before that and you didn’t seem to care.”
He swallowed loudly. “Because I was scared of admitting my feelings for you, and I figured if I watched you die, I’d be able to cut you out of my heart. Except I’d never experienced true fear until I sensed you fading from my life for real. Everything I did was to stop myself from falling for you, to stop feeling trapped.” He shook his head, raking a hand through his dark hair. “But I was an idiot, because I’d fallen for you long ago, I was already trapped, and there’s nothing I want more in the universe than you.” The sincerity in his eyes when he looked into mine made me believe him, melted my defenses.
The God of the Underworld was declaring his love in the only way he knew…by apologizing in a round about way.
He drew me closer and kissed me again, and I didn’t have the energy to fight him. Not when I felt the way I did, and not when I yearned for this all along. I’d starved for him, desperate to have him say these exact words, and now he had, I struggled to believe they were real.
He held me against him, and his skin was warm through his clothes, slowly thawing me when I felt as though I’d been frozen for so long.
When he kissed me again, it reminded of that night we’d gone back to his place, when it had been sensual and for the first time, real. I didn’t know if I could trust this. It had been all wrong then. But this time, it felt… different.
