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Chapter 1
Meira
“Don’t cry. Don’t you dare cry!” I mutter under my breath, yet a sob sticks to my throat as my insides rip to shreds with heartbreak.
I’m running for my life through the forest, leaping over dead logs, ducking under low branches, never stopping. The sounds of screams and growls fill the woods behind me, and I can’t stop shaking.
All I can think about are my Alphas. The two men I gave myself to, who protected me, who marked me. And now I’m fleeing from them. But I have no choice…because they know the truth.
I try to erase the images of the bloodshed between the Ash Wolves and Shadow Monsters, but they stain my mind. I remind myself I’m immune to the infected who plague this world, and remaining with the Ash Wolves will only bring war to their doorstep. Every wolf shifter will fight to claim a part of me for themselves, believing I can somehow make them resistant to the virus. I don’t even know if that’s true, but it won’t stop the wolves from trying. Desperation drives everyone to madness.
I flashback to a memory of Lucien saying,“If such an elixir existed, it would end in bloodshed.”He’s right… and I won’t be responsible for starting a war amongst the wolves. It doesn’t help that I’m a half-human, half-wolf and still haven’t had my first fucking transformation into a wolf. Not even after two Alphas marked and mated with me.
That makes me a liability. If my wolf decides to show, it will rip out of me, killing me, and then it will slaughter everyone in sight. For those two reasons, I run to spare everyone the atrocities I’ll bring to their home. Me escaping is offering them an opportunity to forget me, no matter how much fear closes my throat at the thought of never seeing my Alphas again.
My eyes water, and my insides shiver.
I’m doing the right thing.
I feel like shit on the inside for running, but I also know an opportunity to save lives when I see it. I don’t belong in this pack. As much as my heart splinters in protest, I need to be clever and think about the consequences my actions will have. The knot in my chest tightens, and I swipe at the falling tears, my breaths turning to choked cries.
There’s an ocean of undead pouring into Dušan’s fortress. There’s been a breach in the wall, and now the monsters infiltrate his compound. My gut clenches at the thought of innocents dying, but the Ash wolves are the toughest sons of bitches I’ve ever met. If anyone can survive such an onslaught, it’s them.
Savage growls punch through the normally silent woods.
My chest feels ripped open and bleeds with agony for stealing away from them. A sudden flare of pain simmers through my body, deepening with each breath. Except I can’t be sick again, not here and not now, so I fight past the screaming hurt.
I suck in each ragged breath and keep running, even though I feel like shattered glass.
Lanky, infected creatures bump into me in a frenzy to reach the wolf pack. I shoulder past them, shoving them aside, then I pick up a thick branch and cringe at the sting shooting up my side. But I don’t waste the moment. I use it to take down a few creatures, slamming the weapon into their faces, sending them onto their backs. I thrust the branch into mushy, soft brains, the slushy sound sickening. I destroy half a dozen before the cluster heading to the pack fades behind me. I drop my branch covered in goo and blood, then dart away.
Screams and war cries bleed into the day, but I don’t look back anymore. The Ash Wolves are my past, and I can only look forward. It’s the only way I’ll survive, even if my heart breaks. This isn’t the time for emotions. I need to be strong and rational with every action I take.
My lungs ache and scream for oxygen when I reach the deep woods. I rest near an oversized oak tree, laying my hands on my knees and leaning over as I suck in deep pockets of air. My inhales wheeze, sweat coats me, and every muscle trembles. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, the tears refusing to stay at bay, and I hug myself as I stumble into the tree at my back.
My time with the Alphas plays on my mind, and the memories just won’t go away. I open my eyes to the trees and bushes surrounding me, the sounds of war replaced by utter silence and the occasional squawk of a bird. No scent of the wolves or infected. Still, the guilt of not helping them more sits on me like a mountain.
“Helping others is a weakness,”one of the women I used to share a cave with once said.“Danger comes, you run. Look after yourself because no one else will.”
I wrap my arms around my middle, remembering the enduring look in Lucien’s eyes when he talked to me about his past, when he held me so close I couldn’t breathe from desire. Dušan made me feel things no one else ever has, and he promised to keep me safe.
I had let myself believe them, but that was me fooling myself and them. Mama used to say promises are just disappointments waiting to happen.
I draw in deep breaths and stay there long enough to fill my lungs. I’m exhausted by these thoughts, and I can’t keep dwelling on them, so I square my shoulders and make myself a promise to forget everything. Just as I have with everything else in my life.
Except my throat closes up and tears burn my eyes. I blink them away and stare at a rock face ahead of me, beaming under the glow of the sun. I see everything, every thin crack… every scurrying ant. I rub my arms, remembering how close I came to shifting… how I still feel my wolf stirring inside me. But getting her to make an appearance, even with the Alphas’ help, just refuses to happen.
I don’t need anyone. I keep repeating that in my mind like a mantra, hoping it will sink in. I push away from the tree and leap into a jog, putting more distance between me and them…Swift and silent.
The rest of the day, I keep moving, not knowing where I’ll end up. But that doesn’t matter, as long as it’s as far from the wolves as possible. I’ve lived this long without them, and I’ll continue to do so.
My heart gives a heavy thump at the thought.
By the time the sky darkens with the approaching night, I’m staggering, barely able to stay upright, and I stop near a river. I don’t recognize the location or even how close I am to where I was living before. That place I’d marked out, where I knew I’d be safe from rogue wolves. But out here, I’m an open target.
I drop to my knees in front of the river and splash my face, then take my fill.
A branch snaps on the opposite bank, and I jerk my head up, frozen in place. But it’s only an infected staggering about. A young girl, maybe thirteen, wearing tattered clothes and only one shoe. Her braids are messy and stained with dark patches. Eyes void of life, she lingers on the spot as if trying to sense where to find her next meal. An animal, a human, a wolf shifter. It’s all the same to her. But only the cry of a bird sounds in these woods.
She looks right through me like I am one of her kind, undetectable and non-existent. I climb to my feet and dust the dirt from the knees of my black leggings, while water stains splash my wrap-around blue top.
I scan the trees for the best sleeping location. Up there, I’m safe from rogue wolves and other creatures that come out at night to scour the woods. I have no weapons to defend myself, so I move quickly, having no time to waste. I scramble forward and use a tree’s rough edges and lower branches to scale the trunk until I reach a natural platform made of three branches. At least twenty feet off the ground, I sit with my back to the trunk and fold my legs in front of me. Not the best spot, but it’ll do. I survived for five years on my own, and I can do it again.
Deep breath, I remind myself and think back to the last time I scaled a tree for protection… It was the first time Dušan found me in the woods, when I should have run and never let him into my life. My bones seem to tremble at the memory of him close to me, his presence and scent swallowing me, claiming me before he ever marked me.
I reach up to the back of my neck where he bit me. The skin is smooth now, but the flesh feels sensitive under my fingertips.
After everything I’ve gone through—watching my mama be eaten by the infected, battling rogue wolves, and being captured—I was mistaken to think I might have found my fated mates.
Because there are no such things for me.
