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I jerked from Mother’s painful hug, but I hadn’t even reached the stairs before she seized my wrist in her firm grip and jerked me to a stop. “Where are you going?” She blocked the staircase with her body to prevent me from leaving.
I yanked my wrist from her hold. “Out. I need to be alone.”
“Alone? Why would you need such a thing during our time of celebration?”
I struggled to control my hyperventilating, to keep back the tears on the brink of escaping. “This is no time to celebrate, and if you knew me at all you’d understand that. I’m not celebrating, Mother, I’m inpain, yet you don’t seem to care.”
Mother stared blankly at me, undoubtedly confused by my outburst, but before she could question me further, I ducked beneath her arm and ran up the stairs to escape into the brisk outdoors. I hurried through the forest and towards the dusky mountains Darius had taken me to only days earlier, all while my unrelenting guilt continued to crush me, making each step a struggle.
Slowly, I trudged up the mountain along the same trail I’d traversed with Darius, not only with his hand intertwined with mine but with his faith in me that I’d find myself and heal...faith I no longer deserved. How could he see anything beyond the monster I’d become?
I stumbled towards the summit, the path blurry from my tears, all while the tumultuous war continued to rage within me. I finally reached the top and froze as I lost myself in the vast sea of stars glistening around me, bathing me in their light. For a moment I stared, transfixed, before I collapsed in the same spot Darius and I had sat together the last time I was here and burst into tears.
I didn’t know how long I cried. Time held no meaning, not in a place of endless night and stars at the top of this summit. My sobs eventually subsided into shuddering breaths and I hugged my knees, trying to regain a sliver of control.
Suddenly, warm arms wrapped around me from behind. I bolted upright with a gasp and twisted around to discover who knelt beside me.
Darius.
I stared at him, unsure whether he was real, but the feeling of completeness that came with his presence assured me that he was really here with me.
I leaned against him with another sob and buried myself against his chest to continue crying. He enfolded me in his arms and held me close, stroking my hair soothingly. I clutched him as tightly as I could, afraid he’d slip away should I loosen my hold, for it was only after having him here with me that I realized he was the only thing that could ever hope to calm the storm whirling within me.
Why was he here? I was both stunned to see him and not at all surprised. I’d come to this mountain because it reminded me of him, so perhaps it was natural he’d found his way here, too. Or perhaps—and this was my secret hope—he’d come because he knew I was in trouble and needed him.
“Why are you here?” I finally managed breathlessly.
His arms tightened around me. “For you.”
“But how did you know I’d be here?”
“I felt your heart calling for mine, so naturally I came. I knew you’d need me after what just happened.”
My breath hooked sharply. “You’ve heard?” Why did Darius have to know of my crime? He, more than anyone, mustn’t see the dark recesses of my soul.
He nestled against my hair. “Everyone has heard. The Council is in an uproar.”
I sighed. “So I’m to be suspended. At least this time I deserve it.”
“You’re not going to be suspended,” Darius said, sounding weary. “While the rest of the Council insists upon it as consequence for disrupting the balance, the final decision rests with my Mother, and she seems...unnaturally calm about the entire fiasco. If it’d been the Nightmare Cultivating Fields you’d destroyed it’d be a different matter entirely, but since it wasn’t, she seems content with merely giving you a warning.” His frown deepened. “I don’t know what strings she pulled to get you off the hook nor her motivation for doing so. The only possibility I can think of is that she did it for me rather than you; she knows it would destroy me to lose you.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “You mean I’m not going to be suspended? I’m still stuck in this awful place?” I reburied myself against him.
Darius rubbed my back. “Was that why you did it?” he asked gently. “You wanted to leave the Nightmare Realm?”
I shook my head. “Although I want nothing more than to escape this prison, that’s not why I did it.”
“Then what happened? Please tell me.”
It took me several moments and even more steadying breaths for me to summon the bravery needed to make my confession. “I finally saw Angel and Iris again. I only wanted to explain myself and possibly earn their forgiveness, but...oh, it was awful. They told me they would never associate themselves with someone as dark as me, and they didn’t believe I hadn’t stolen Angel’s magic on purpose or that I can see and capture dreams.” I took another shuddering breath and forced myself to continue. “I not only wanted to prove them wrong, but I desperately wanted them to hurt, to experience the pain they’d caused me to feel. I’m a monster.”
Darius gently wiped away the tears staining my cheeks. “You’re not a monster.”
As desperately as I wanted his faith in me, I knew I didn’t deserve it. “But Iam. No matter how hard I try, I can’t escape who I really am.” I finally risked a peek up at his expression and nearly melted at the sweet concern and compassion filling his eyes. “You tried to convince me feeling dark emotions doesn’t make me a dark person, but itdoes. For it was my emotions that fueled my actions. I was just so angry and hurt, and I didn’t know how else to stop feeling the pain except to unleash it. Now I’ve only made it worse.”
“Oh, my dear.” He cradled my face in his hands, his expression desperate as he frantically searched mine. “No matter the mistakes you’ve made, I know without a doubt that this isn’t the real you. Don’t believe it, Eden.”
“You’re wrong,” I stuttered. “As much as I’d give anything to change, thisisthe real me. If you really knew me you’d pull away, just like everyone else.” Another sob overcame me and I reburied myself against his chest, needing to remain close to him for as long as possible, unable to bear the thought of his leaving me like I fully deserved.
