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And I was paying the greatest sacrifice of all—that of myself and what I knew was right. Guilt twisted my stomach in knots. She was right and I hated myself for it, hated who I’d become, a path that often seemed easier to walk than the one of change I wanted to take. But what was the point of losing myself even more deeply than I already had just for the love and approval of someone I wasn’t sure I wanted at all? What waswrongwith me?
I held up my hands and examined the dirt burrowed beneath my fingernails, evidence of my earlier involvement in Mother’s illegal garden, where I’d helped her create dark magic that I knew would bring nothing but harm. I frantically tried to dig the dirt out in order to remove all traces of evidence of how far I’d fallen due to my need be accepted, but it remained burrowed deep, an unremovable stain of my guilt.
Who was I becoming? And how did I stop it? Was it too late?
I feared it was, for I had nowhere else to go. If only I could just leave Mother and be with Darius, but that would mean officially pairing, and even if I’d been confident in his feelings for me, I knew I wasn’t quite ready for such a union, as desperately as I wanted it. Which meant I had no other choice but to…
I gave my head a rigid shake. No, I mustn’t regress. I desperately tried to cling to the hope still alive in my heart, that moment when I’d woven the dream of a sunrise dispelling the night for Maci.
My mind scrambled for a way to unlock the seemingly unbreakable chains that held me bound. I could return to Earth...but Mother would easily find me there. I could turn to Darius, but I’d hate to cause him any more trouble on my account, especially now that I realized he was already carrying his own burdens. Could I possibly go to the Council and turn Mother in for her illegal plants—?
I immediately halted that thought before Trinity could detect the rebellion that had suddenly entered my heart, but by her look I realized I was too late. Her fake smile had vanished and her scowl deepened the longer she examined these forbidden feelings I couldn’t hide from her.
She narrowed her eyes. “Hmm, interesting...”
She stood and headed for the door, undoubtedly to report everything she’d learned to Mother, but rather than feeling fear, I only felt annoyance. “Leaving so soon?” I asked coldly.
“I got what I came here for.” She smirked. It was almost a relief that she’d dropped her friendly façade, no longer even attempting to mask her true motives.
“Wonderful. Thanks for being such agood friend.”
She laughed in that light, chilling way of hers. “Of course, Eden dear. One day you’ll realize this is all for your good.”
My eyes narrowed. “You claim invading my private feelings is for my overall good?”
“How can we help you if we don’t know how you genuinely feel?”
“And how can trust be built if it’s repeatedly violated?” I asked. “I don’t recall volunteering to share my feelings with you or Mother; you simply stole them from me.”
Trinity shrugged. “One must use the abilities they’ve been blessed with for their advantage in whatever means they can. Your problem, Eden, is you refuse to use yours in order to reach your full potential. Such a waste.”
I sighed, tired of this game. If I was going to be forced to continue participating in it until I found the means to escape, then I wanted to know exactly what was going on, even though I knew that the truth—one deep down I’d always known but had refused to admit to myself—was going to hurt.
“What you really mean is: you want me to stop fighting Mother’s attempts to force me to use my abilities toheradvantage rather than mine.”
Trinity’s false smile disappeared as her expression hardened. “Well, well, well, Eden, it looks like you’re deciding to become...difficult.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “I’m not keen on being your puppet any longer.”
“What you’ll soon realize is that you don’t have a choice,” Trinity said. “It’s either us or no one, for no one else wants you, a thought that I know is your deepest, darkest fear. As such, you’ll never do anything that would make it a reality.”
My heart jolted. She was right and I hated her for it, but that loathing was nowhere near what I was currently feeling towards myself.
Trinity sensed my torment and seemed to take great delight in it. “I told you the day we met in the Dream Library: you’d doanythingto stay in this world, so I know that despite you starting to figure out what’s going on, you’ll continue to cooperate. For if you don’t, you can’t bear the possibility that your ownmotherwon’t want you. My, my, my, wouldn’t that be the ultimate rejection.”
With one final smirk she turned and left the room, slamming the door behind her. I stared at the closed door as I blinked back my swell of tears, but they were nothing to the seething anger and hurt raging within me.
Stardust was at my side in an instant, morphed into an extremely rude gesture that I almost hoped Trinity had seen before flouncing away. “ThatNightmare,” Stardust hissed. “I hate the whole lot of them. We need to leave, Eden.”
I knew I needed to, but I couldn’t make myself actuallydoit, for despite wanting to change, my longings to belong were currently more powerful. It was illogical and stupid, but I couldn’t help it.
“Ican’t,” I whispered, barely managing to force the words past my dry throat. “I wish more than anything that I could...”
She gawked. “Butwhy? You’re miserable, Eden.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and finally let the tears I’d fought so hard to hold back to escape. “Because Trinity is right. She can see inside my heart and knows my weakness, that the thought of leaving is worse than remaining. I’m trapped and I have no idea what to do about it. Help me, Stardust. Please.”
I collapsed onto the bed in a fetal position as the hopelessness smothered me. For once Stardust didn’t argue with me, as if she knew my heart couldn’t handle the logic she undoubtedly wanted to offer. Instead she morphed into a blanket and wrapped herself around my quivering frame.
