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“We’ll figure something out, Eden. I promise.”
I merely tugged her blanket form more tightly around me, needing the comfort of her embrace even though it did little to quell the despair raging within me, an emotion I doubted would ever leave if I couldn’t find it within myself to finally break away.
But despite the darkness descending over me once more, the flame of light didn’t burn out entirely. My gaze searched the room and settled on the jars Trinity had taken such keen interest in. My eyes narrowed, and before my fear could paralyze me and prevent me from taking action, I rose and stomped to the shelf, where I gathered all of them in a pile in my arms.
“We have to hide these. Will you be able to store them, Stardust?”
She eyed the teetering towers of jars filling the shelves. “I’m not sure...I worry about the potential effects of keeping so many nightmares within myself, and there are so many of them...”
My eyes darted around the room, searching, before settling on the perfect place. At my instructions, Stardust morphed herself into a shovel and helped me bury my jars in the ground beneath my bed, a temporary hiding place until I could find a way to get rid of them permanently. Though the act of rebellion was small, I felt a sense of empowerment with each shovelful of dirt I poured over the nightmare jars and the power they contained.
I was tired of being weak. Even if I wasn’t yet strong enough to break away completely, whatever Mother’s plans for me, I refused to go down without a fight.
Chapter 26
Iwas growing tired of Mother repeatedly forcing me to wander creepy nightmares in search of something I remained unconvinced could really be found. It wouldn’t have been as bad if she’d ever let me search dreams, but she always refused to allow it.
During one of our previous emotion-foraging sessions I’d had a spout of rebellion and explored a dream rather than a nightmare, but upon emerging I must have looked less traumatized than usual, for Mother pressed for every detail about the nightmare I’d supposedly viewed. I’d been too flustered to make up lies on the spot and had thus been caught.
Mother hadnotbeen pleased. Witnessing her wrath only intensified the fear clenching my heart that if I pushed her too far then she’d leave me, an unbearable thought. So I continued to cooperate in action if not in will, even though I hated every moment.
Thankfully, today’s nightmare was one of the least horrific ones I’d been exposed to—a teenage girl’s fear that her beau would end their courtship. Simple, and upon its third viewing rather dull, but at least its unfrightening quality made it easier to repeatedly endure. The dreaming Mortal currently followed her lover through a dark forest, creeping stealthily a safe distance from them and remaining hidden behind the thick pines as he walked with palpable eagerness to a large clearing just up ahead.
I’d now experienced multiple viewings of this nightmare and knew exactly what the dreaming Mortal would find in the shadowy clearing: her lover in the embrace of another woman. I yawned as I pattered after the Mortal, keeping my eyes peeled for any sign of what could possibly be emotions. I never expected to find them, for after dozens of excursions searching for them I still had yet to see any. Too bad Mother’s persistence prevented her from finally ending this charade, despite its repeated failures.
As the dreaming Mortal peered around the trunk of the evergreen currently masking her from view, I suddenly spotted something: the tiniest spark of light flickered above her heart, disappearing so quickly I scarcely noticed it; if I’d blinked in that moment I’d have missed it entirely.
I stared at the spot where it had appeared and waited with bated breath, watching attentively. My patience was rewarded at the nightmare’s climax as the Mortal witnessed her cheating lover bestow a kiss on another woman. Horror filled her expression at the same moment a glimmer of faded light once more flickered just above her heart, merely a pinprick, butsomethingall the same.
Could it be...an emotion?
I quickly summoned my powers, but I wasn’t able to capture it before the spark faded away. The nightmare concluded before I could detect another emotion, and I stumbled from the dream to find myself lying once more on the dewy grass outside the village gate. Mother leaned in her usual place against the surrounding wall, frowning down at me.
“You failed again, didn’t you?”
I kept my face impassive, not wanting to reveal that for the first time since these dream explorations began, I may have finally found what she desperately wanted. I felt I was balancing on a tightrope and was unsure which way to fall—to give Mother what she wanted in hopes doing so would allow her to accept me, or to keep my findings from her in order to sabotage whatever she was plotting.
I stood and brushed my dress off. “I’ll try again.”
Mother cocked her eyebrow at my willingness to reenter the nightmare without being prompted, but before she could question me I’d locked my gaze to the dream and tumbled back inside.
This time I was ready. I summoned my powers and crept towards the Mortal until I stood directly in front of her. She stared right through me at her cheating lover, her nails digging into the bark of the tree she hid behind. I crouched down and stared at her heart, waiting, my magic cupped in my palms, ready...
There! As her devastated tears escaped to silently slide down her cheeks, the spark flickered into view once more. I sent my powers twirling towards the emotion and cradled it gently within my magic to keep it from disappearing. I tugged it towards me and raised it eye level, but unlike dreams, I couldn’t see anything. How could I be certain this was really an emotion?
An idea lit my mind. Carefully so that it wouldn’t escape, I lowered the spark until it hovered above my own heart. I immediately gasped sharply and nearly allowed the emotion to slip away, one now burning me in a wave of devastation.
My first instinct was to release it, anything to stop this sharp pain, but I forced myself to cling to it more tightly so as not to allow it to slip through my fingers. Tears trailed down my cheeks as the Mortal’s anguish consumed me—heartbreak, betrayal, and the urge to throttle the woman in the cheating lover’s arms. So much feeling, such fierce intensity, all contained in one tiny spark.
This was far more powerful than I’d imagined. Even allowing Mother to cultivate the tiniest portion of this negative emotion in her forbidden garden would cause any Nightmare who used such a detail in their dreams to dominate their Weavings, disrupting the balance in ways that must never happen.
The horror of that possibility washed over me along with this Mortal’s despair that continued to rake my heart. Mother couldn’t get a hold of this, that much was certain, but if she ever learned I’d finally discovered emotions within dreams and had deliberately not given them to her, surely she’d toss me aside and I’d lose her forever.
Panic and fear raged within me, swirling with the Mortal’s despair until I felt I’d drown. I pulled my powers away, releasing the Mortal’s emotion, unable to hold it any longer. It immediately flickered out. I panted for breath as I stared at where it had disappeared, waiting for my own turmoil of emotions to settle until only three remained.
First: fierce resolve to hide this from Mother for as long as possible, for her attempts to mold me into a dark person hadn’t completely crushed the faith within my heart that still believed in who I used to be, and this Eden was determined to do the right thing.
Second: fear. If Mother learned of this betrayal then my own worst nightmare—abandonment—was certain. My heart clenched at the thought.
