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“Very funny. I don’t hate you. I’m a little confused, not sure why you’re here, and I’m less sure how I feel about it.”
“Whaddaya mean by that?”
“Whatareyou doing here, Matt?”
He simply shrugged. “I came for you.”
“I left two weeks ago. You’re just now coming to find me. Why?”
“Because, okay? Because it’s been the worst two weeks of my life, and I can’t stand it anymore. I miss you. And I owe you an explanation.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “You miss me?”
“Yes, big surprise, I know. I knew from the first time I talked to you, you would be a challenge. I didn’t realize then how much I would enjoy the ride. When we were in the hospital, I was mad and feeling sorry for myself because it brought back a lot of bad memories. I mouthed off when I shouldn’t have, and then you left.”
“I didn’t think you wanted me there.”
“Most days I’m not surewhatI want, but once you weren’t there at all, I figured it out pretty quick. I had a bad experience with my last relationship and didn’t want another one, but I didn’t realize I’d fallen in love with you ‘til it was too late.” He sat silent on the driver’s side of his truck for a minute or two rubbing his hands together and twisting his fingers absently in thought.
He let out a deep sigh. “You were right about my past, too. I wasn’t being honest.”
* * *
Ally’s heartseemed to beat out of her chest, and she could hardly catch her breath to form words. “You love me?”How did I miss that?“I knew I loved you the moment you walked out of Daddy’s hospital room, but I figured you didn’t feel the same. So I didn’t want to torture myself by sticking around anymore. It didn’t make much difference, anyway. The last two weeks have been the worst of my life. I cried myself to sleep for a week straight. Can’t we just forget everything and start over?”
He grinned and touched her hand. “I’m damn happy to hear you say that, and I would like nothing more. But didn’t you hear me say I wasn’t being honest with you? I lied to you, and what I did in my past you won’t be able to forgive.”
She shook her head profusely. “Matt, your past is your business. I understand, finally. I didn’t know you then, so it wouldn’t be fair of me to judge you now. Daddy was right. I don’t need to know what happened. Maybe we can start fresh?”
“I still need to tell you.” He frowned. “When you know, you won’t feel the same.”
She moved a bit closer to him, grasping his hand for comfort. “I think you’re wrong, but you can tell me anyway.”
“I was married before.” He’d known she would freak, but he needed to finish before she jumped out of the truck and ran back to her office.
“Before you say anything, it’s not what you think. I dated a girl for a while, but I wasn’t feeling anything, so I broke it off. I lived in a small loft apartment here in the City, close to the firehouse where I worked. One night when I got off work, she was waiting outside my door. She—”
“Hold on just a minute.” Her brows lifted in surprise. “You lived in New York City? Were you a firefighter?” She nodded her head in realization as she processed what he was saying. “That would definitely explain how you took charge when my daddy got hurt.”
“Well, yes and no. I am from Wyoming—born there, actually. But after my mom died, Dad completely lost it, sold our place, and moved us to New York where some of his family lived. I stayed with him because I was afraid not to and wasn’t sure how well my little brother would handle our dad. Got into school to become an EMT then got myself appointed to a firehouse on the other side of the city from where we lived. By then, my dad was doing a lot better, so I felt safe getting my own place. I met Wendy at a bar a couple blocks away where she was a waitress.”
“Was she pretty?” She hadn’t meant to interject, but the mention of another woman’s name brought out the green-eyed monster, rearing its head.
“Are you jealous, princess?”
“No. Well…maybe. I don’t like to think of you with someone else. Sorry I interrupted.”I never should have said anything. He is so frustrating.“You can go on and don’t laugh at me. It’s not funny.”
“It is a little funny, but I’m not laughing, I’m sorry. Anyway, so we weren’t dating anymore, and I hadn’t seen her in a couple months when she showed up at my place. I could tell she’d been crying, and I really wasn’t in the mood to hear what sob story she had to tell me until she blurted it out.”
“Don’t stop there, what did she blurt out?
“She told me she was pregnant. Honestly, I don’t know if she ever told me it was mine, but I was in such shock that I assumed it was. I definitely didn’t love her—heck, I’m not sure I really even liked her, but it was a kid, and I wanted to do what was right. She moved into my place the next day, and we got hitched at the courthouse.” He paused, eyeing her. “Nothing to say?”
“No, Matt.” What was she supposed to say? She was having trouble picturing him married. “Is there more?”
“Oh, there’s more all right. I worked a lot, mainly because I didn’t want to be home. I was really questioning what I ever saw in her in the first place, and being at work was a lot less stressful than being at the apartment arguing over stupid shit. I did go home sometimes, and one night in particular because I was expecting my brother to stop by. She got a call from some guy the same night. She made excuses about it, but then he showed up at the apartment a few days later, claiming he was the baby’s father.” He sat up a little straighter, gripping the steering wheel with both hands, and focused out the windshield.
“It got me to thinking, and I did some calculations. Turned out, there was no way it coulda been mine. I told her so and she took off with the guy. I filed for divorce the next day. I was pulling a double shift when she got served the papers, and good thing ’cause she was pissed. She waited at the apartment until I got off work, and we had a huge fight. The other guy didn’t want to support her so she wanted to stay married to me, but I flat-out refused. I wasn’t going to be her meal ticket anymore. She left angry, and I got a call a few hours later from my chief. She’d been in a car accident. My unit was on the scene. She died before I got there.” He squeezed his eyes closed. “It was my fault.”
