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He rubs his eye with one knuckle. “For a few moments, I held Veda’s body…wept for her like a lost child. I was in complete and utter hell. Eventually, I lay her down on the bed and went to get the stake from my coat. I knew if I didn’t do this now, her soul would be forever damned and she would rise again as a vampire. I didn’t want Veda to share my misery, so to spare her, I positioned the stake against her chest, preparing to end it all, when suddenly, my dear little Coppélia appears at the door. “Please don’t hurt Mummy,” she says. “Can’t you see Mummy’s sleeping? Don’t ever hurt her, Daddy. I love you.”’
Tears collect in Nick’s eyes. “And I couldn’t go through with it, Carly. I couldn’t let my darling daughter see me hurt her mother. So I put Coppélia back to bed and left the house. The next day, Veda’s body was found and her family held a funeral shortly afterwards. Coppélia was taken to live in the country with Veda’s sister Emily, which suited me just fine. I wanted my daughter as far away from London as possible. With her out of harm’s way, the only thing left was to go to the cemetery and wait for Veda to rise.”
I stare at him, awestruck. My throat has gone dry, my body weak with horror. On autopilot, I listen to the rest of the story, my mind a torrent of agony. He tells me of the night Veda returned to life and went crazy when she realised she was a vampire. He tells me of the torment they felt at having to step away from their beloved daughter. Both Nick and Veda were dead to their family and friends, and could not continue living in London without drawing attention to themselves. To avoid detection, they were forced to assume new identities and move to Austria to start again, but they never forgot about Coppélia.
Nick wipes away a tear with the back of his hand. “Every year on Coppélia’s birthday, Veda and I returned to England to check up on her. We would go to the gate at the bottom of Emily’s garden, and just stand there, hoping to catch a glimpse of her through the windows. We could only watch from a distance, but it was so wonderful watching her grow up, safe from all the darkness. Veda found it very hard to handle; she always wanted to go in and speak to Coppélia, to hold her and tell her that we still loved her; and I had to fight so hard to stop that from happening. I couldn’t allow Veda to blow our cover, and she slowly grew to hate me for it. She said I was keeping her from our daughter. Still, as time went on, Coppélia started coming to the bottom of the garden all by herself, almost like she knew we were out there, watching her. Deep down, I think she knew that we were still alive. I like to think so, anyway.”
He pauses. “For the next fifty years, we kept up that routine. We led a hobo’s existence, travelling from place to place, never settling down to avoid detection, and every 1stof July for Coppélia’s birthday, we paid a brief visit to England. We watched our daughter age, while we stayed forever young. I can’t begin to describe how devastating it is to see your child grow from a baby into a beautiful young woman, and then succumb to the curse of aging. To make matters worse, Coppélia’s life wasn’t a happy one. She grew very reclusive, never married and suffered bouts of severe depression. The traumas of her early childhood prevented her from having any lasting relationships and she died a lonely spinster.”
“Coppélia died?”
“Yes,” he replies. “Of cancer. She was in her late seventies. Veda and I were at the hospital the day it happened.” He breaks off, his voice twisted with sadness. “I’m sorry, I think that will be all for today. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. It’s just too painful.”
I nod silently. I try to extract my hand, but Nick refuses to let go. His mournful gaze runs up and down my body, and the vulnerability in his face kills me.
“Look me in the eyes and tell me that you hate me,” he rasps.
I can’t.How could I ever hate him?
“Say it, Carly. Tell me that I’m a bad husband, a failure as a father and a murderer, and that you despise me.”
Finally, I lift my head and look at him. I continue to remain silent.How could I ever despise him?If anything, I love him more than ever. It must have taken great strength to overcome the horrendous cards life dealt him.
Wordlessly, I run my hand over his face, trying to reach beneath the surface and see what’s in his heart. Then he collapses in my arms and clings to me like his life depends on it.
“Oh my darling, my darling,” he sobs. “What would I do without you?” That’s all he keeps saying, and I keep stroking his back, soothingly, lovingly, like a parent consoling a child. We stay like that for ages, feeding off each other, trying to ward off all the darkness.
“I love you so much,” I whisper.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Carly. I can’t begin to tell you what a relief it is to finally be able to tell you all this. I’ve never spoken to anyone about this before.”
My heart bleeds for him—all the pain and suffering he went through—it’s almost too much to bear. I wish I could erase his past and make everything all right again. I wish I could wave a magic wand and bring Coppélia back to him. But I know I can’t. Life doesn’t work like that.
Oh what a cruel and wicked world we live in.
At last, I pull away and gently kiss his forehead. Then I get to my feet and walk slowly towards the door.
“Where are you going?”
“Home,” I reply. “I need to be alone for a while; I need time to get my head together.”
“But you can’t go!” Nick’s voice sounds desperate. “I just bared my soul to you. Right now, I need you more than ever. Please don’t do this to me.”
I shake my head sadly. “I’m sorry darling; I just need to be alone for a couple of hours. This is a lot to take in and… well, I need time to think about what I want to do.”
“But it’s Christmas! There’s no transport. How will you get home?”
“I-I don’t know. Maybe I’ll call a cab or something.” The sentence dies and I suddenly feel very stupid. He’s right. What the hell am I thinking? And how do I know Veda isn’t still lurking out there somewhere, waiting to pounce on me?
I exhale sharply in an attempt to psyche myself up. I’m desperate not to show any weakness. “My heart weeps for you, Nick. What you just told me tears me up and I can’t believe what you’ve been through. I want to be strong and loving, and all of these things you want me to be, but right now I just can’t. I’m only human.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I can’t look at him.Veda was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen—the kindest, sweetest person imaginable.Jealousy ignites in my belly and licks me all over. I imagine Nick kissing her, banging her, making her moan, and it’s all I can do to keep standing. Yes it’s childish to feel this way, but I can’t help myself.
“Do you think I don’t see what’s going on in that brain of yours?” Nick snaps. “You’re jealous, and you’re letting it get in the way of us.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not jealous of anyone.”
