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“The realtor—”
“Ben came home really cranky, so I had to tie him to the bed again and spank the crabbiness out of him.” What the hell! We had a plan. I stare down at her. She shrugs. “You know him. Loves that kinky shit. All the girls here?” she asks and walks out the sliding glass door.
I’m going to slay her.
Chase gives me his ridiculous grin. I want to smack it off him. “Nice, bro. Never knew you were into that shit. You know, Bridget and I—”
“Dude, shut up. Don’t say another word.” I walk past him and outside into the crowded backyard, searching out Makayla. She’s nestled herself in the group of girls. If she thinks she’s getting away with—
“There you are. Thought I was going to have to bring the party to you,” Levi says, walking up to me.
“Yeah, sorry. Didn’t know I was the man of the hour. Aren’t you the one who’s leaving?” I play it off that it’s not weighing on me, but the truth is, I hate that he’s leaving.
“Oh, don’t sound so upset. You’ll still have Chase and Kip.” Kip walks up, and Levi slaps him on the shoulder. “Kip, my man, you’re gonna have to start learning sports facts. Benny over here doesn’t like amateurs.”
“I know my facts. He just doesn’t like hearing any that don’t agree with his.”
Levi laughs like a buffoon. “True that.” He turns his attention back to me. “How you doing, man? Everything all set with the house?”
Chase comes over and hands me a beer, which I gladly accept. “Yeah. Inspection passed with flying colors. Closing’s next week. Soon enough, I’ll be like Kip over here, getting boners over the newest lawn mower model.”
Chase spits his beer out.
“Hey, don’t knock my mower, man. It’s very gratifying to perfect your lawn.”
“Dude, I’m good. My mowing days ended when I was eighteen,” I say back.
“Yeah, because you mowed over Mrs. Wilson’s flower bed,” Kip says.
“No, I mowed over her weeds. How was I supposed to know she consideredweedsflowers?”
“Speaking of Mrs. Wilson,” Levi chimes in, “she came by to give Hannah and me a going away gift.”
Oh, this should be good, considering she’s well into her nineties and senile. “What, did she wrap up her cat for you?” I ask.
“Close. Gave Hannah all her late husband’s condoms. Said New York is not a safe place to raise kids.”
“Fuckin’ gross. You serious?” When we were playing football once, I fell and bloodied my knee. Mrs. Wilson came out to put ointment on it. I had to fight her away since the tube in her hands was for fucking hemorrhoids. God, it took forever to live that one down.
“Yep. Even gave her a demonstration on how to put them on.”
Kip spits out his beer this time.
I grab my chest from laughing and look over at Chase. “Dude, are you gonna start crying?”
He wipes at his eye. “No, man. I just can’t believe Levi’s leaving us.”
“Aw, bud. Come here.” Levi wraps his arm around Chase. “I’m not leaving forever. This is just temporary until Hannah finishes school. You know my home is here. With you fools.”
“Man. It’s crazy. Us. How we all got here. I was just telling Stace out of all of us, she and I might have the most boring story to tell our kids about how we met.”
That ain’t no joke.If you want to hear a simple story about how a girl met a boy, you ain’t gonna hear it here.I laugh to myself.
“Nothing beats my and Hannah’s story. Crazy stalker. Kidnapping. Tries to kill my girl by burning a house down with her in it.”
“I’ll top that. Sure Mak’s crazy stalker wasn’t his sister?” I joke at the fucked up similarities. “I got the burned down house, kidnapping, and numerous attempts on her life.”
Chase waves us off. “No way. Mine’swaybetter. Hot, mysterious stranger sex. Turns out she’s related to my man over here. Add in a creepy boss and a stalker woman. I mean, I got shot, for Christ’s sake.”
