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Chapter 24
Jane was still thinking about Charles and Beatrice dancing together when she stepped out into the gardens later that evening for some fresh air. Her head was aching slightly, and all she wanted was to go home, but Lucy was insisting they stay for at least another hour.
Jane walked down the lit path, trying to get away from the couples circumnavigating the garden. She looked the odd one out, being all alone, and they were glancing at her curiously. When she was a far enough distance away that the sound of the ball was just a faint hum, she stopped, she sat down upon a bench, gazing up at the moon high in the sky.
If she didn’t know any better, she would have assumed that Charles was interested in Beatrice. But how could that be, when he was still claiming he was head over heels in love with herself? She wished that were the case, for then it would take the pressure from her, and they could just be friends again. Everything could go back to the way it had been. Although, perhaps, Beatrice wouldn’t be the lady she would have chosen for her friend. She was too calculating, too ambitious. Charles deserved someone sweet and kind.
She was so absorbed in her reverie that she didn’t hear footsteps approaching down the path until a figure loomed in front of her. Jane gasped. It was the Earl of Carlisle. Her heart started to thud painfully.
“Are you following me?” she asked in a sharp voice.
He didn’t answer her. Instead, he sat down on the bench next to her.
“Yes, I followed you,” he said at last. “I wanted to talk to you alone. I wanted to apologise for what happened between us in that library the other evening.”
Jane reddened. She was very glad that he couldn’t see her face properly in the darkness.
“I see,” she said in a tight voice. “I do hope you were not trying to compromise me so as I would be forced to marry you. I hope that was not your motivation for it.”
He looked offended. “I would never do such a thing. You know that I would like to marry you because I think we would be well suited and have a good life together. But I would never resort to such measures to force your hand in the matter.”
“Then why?” she said, her heart twisting. “Why did you kiss me?”
Suddenly, she really wanted to know. She tried to tell herself she wasn’t half hoping for a declaration of love, but she knew now that it wouldn’t be the truth. She hoped that he wasn’t going to tell her that he had merely seized the opportunity and would have done the same thing with any other lady in that situation. Fervently, she hoped that it was more genuine than that.
“Because I wanted to,” he said slowly. “I find you very attractive, Jane. Surely you have noticed?”
Her blush deepened. “Yes, I suppose I have. But I wondered whether it was just a calculated display to sway me to marry you.” She laughed shakily. “Your pragmatic proposal when we first met did not work, so perhaps you are trying seduction?”
He swore underneath his breath. “My attraction to you is real. I enjoyed that kiss very much. I hope you did, as well.”
Jane turned her burning face away from him. She felt tongue-tied. How was she expected to reply? She still didn’t trust what he said to her. Was this connection she felt growing between them genuine on his part? And why did it even matter to her when she had no intention of ever marrying him?
If itweregenuine, then she supposed it would be a relief to know he wasn’t manufacturing his desire for her, at least. That some part of what he felt for her was real, even if he could never love her. It was important to her for some reason. Perhaps it would become a fond memory to warm her lonely nights after he had left her life forever and married someone else.
Jane felt tears burning behind her eyes. She didn’t know what was wrong with her these days and why keeping her vow to her mother had suddenly become so trying. She wished he would just leave her alone entirely. Why couldn’t he just focus on Lucy or Beatrice or any of the many other young ladies in the district who would probably cut off their own hand for the chance to marry him?
“I should return to the ball,” she said abruptly, standing up so suddenly she felt dizzy. “And so should you, my lord. At a discreet distance, of course.”
She brushed past him, but he reached out, grabbing her arm. She lost her balance, falling towards him. He spun her around, gathering her into his arms, pulling her into the dark bushes beyond the path where no one could see them.
“What…what are you doing?” she squeaked.
But she knew already. Of course, she did. And now, she was faced with another decision. Should she surrender to the way she felt about him or slap his face and walk away?
One kiss could be forgiven and forgotten. A mistake. But letting him kiss her again was not just madness, it was dangerous, on many different levels. They could be discovered. But more than that, she felt like she was slipping deeper into something she was desperately trying to avoid. And this time, she had no idea what the consequences would be.
But already, her body was responding to his. She felt her senses sharpen. A tingling all over. Her nipples hardened. A shaft of bright moonlight illuminated his face so she could just discern the naked desire in his dark eyes. Her treacherous body leapt to life immediately. She pressed herself against him and heard him groan.
When his lips descended upon her own, it was almost a relief. She wound her hands into his hair, pulling his head down, not able to get enough of the kiss. Leisurely he explored her mouth, his tongue flickering in and out, an action that was driving her quite mad with desire. Already she was losing sense of time and place.
She felt him tilt her towards a large oak tree behind them, pressing her up against it, his mouth never once leaving hers. His hands found her breasts, kneading and caressing them through the thin fabric of her gown, twisting the nipples. It felt so wonderful that she gasped in her throat. Suddenly, his lips left hers, trailing fiery kisses down her neck.
Before she knew what was happening, he was pulling aside the bodice of her gown, his head bending to take one nipple in his mouth, suckling with abandon. She gasped again, closing her eyes as sweet sensations surged through her body. It was as if she were climbing a ladder to heaven itself.
For a few delirious moments, he continued, before she felt his hand pressing against her most intimate area, rubbing gently through the gown. Jane stiffened immediately, not knowing how to react. This was escalating quickly. She really should push him away.
But the sensation slowly filtered through. It felt good. Very good indeed. She sighed, letting her head tilt back as he continued, closing her eyes in ecstasy. He continued sucking her nipple while he caressed her, drawing such exquisite sensations in her body that her hips started to buck against his hand of their own volition.
