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She nodded slowly. “As I said, one never knows what is in the heart of someone else,” she mused, her eyes shining with tears. “Your mother and my father thought their partners loved them, but they never did. Marriage is smoke and mirrors. It has no more substance than a circus act.”
He frowned. He knew he should be agreeing with her. Hedidagree with her. Lord knows, he held enough bitterness in his heart over what his father had done to his mother. He had seen firsthand what a sham marriage could be.
But he didn’t want to let go of the possibility of marriage. He shied away from the thought that his marriage of convenience might be something else entirely for his wife. If he was straightforward and upfront about it, there could be no deception. His wife would be under no illusions as to what their marriage was built upon.
“You truly would be better off to target a lady like Lucy or Beatrice Prescott,” said Jane in a sorrowful voice. “You might despise ambitious ladies for their ruthlessness, but at least no one’s heart is in danger of being broken.” Her face twisted. “I sometimes think that Lucy does not have a heart to break.”
“I do not like ladies like that,” he said, frowning. “They are too obvious....”
“And you are not?” Her eyes flashed. “You are just the same as them. You make no bones about the fact you can never love. If you are offering what they want, and they will not make things difficult by falling in love with you, then why do you refuse it? If it is only a marriage of convenience, it should not matter.”
He couldn’t argue with her logic. It did make sense. But still, he resisted.
“I would rather someone whom I could get along with,” he said slowly. “I have nothing in common with such ladies. There has to be a modicum of basic affection.”
Jane looked angry. “You cannot have it both ways, Percy. You cannot hold love in such contempt and then claim you want affection. It does not work like that. It is black and white, and you are trying to grasp grey. Either marry someone you love or marry someone you do not, but do not try to confuse the two. It is doomed.”
He stared at her in astonishment. “I thought you felt the same way as I did about love,” he said. “Why then are you so angry when I say that I do not want it?”
Her face tightened. She didn’t reply. Suddenly, she got up, pacing the floor as if she were a caged animal.
“Oh, when will this storm end?” she burst out, her eyes wild. “I need to go home.”
His heart contracted. He got up, walking to her. “Jane,” he said in a gentle voice. “Stay calm. You are safe. I gave you my word that I shall respect your choice, and my word is sacred.” He took a deep, ragged breath. “As much as I long to hold you in my arms again, I will resist.”
She stilled, gazing up at him solemnly. Her eyes looked like two deep pools of green. He wanted to dive into those eyes, submerge himself in the depths. He didn’t care if he was lost within them forever.
She blinked. “What if I said I do not want you to resist?”
He gaped at her, stunned. Was she truly saying what he thought she was?
“You are overwrought,” he said in a hesitant voice, swallowing painfully. “You are not thinking clearly. You told me that what is between us must end, and you were right.”
She looked so soft and vulnerable standing there, gazing up at him with those big green eyes, biting her lip. He swore softly under his breath, but he couldn’t look away.
There was another loud clap of thunder. So loud that they both jumped.
“The storm has set in,” she said in a quiet voice. “I shall not be going anywhere for quite a while.”
To his shock, she lifted a hand to his face, gently stroking it. He moaned. What was she doing to him? Did she even realise? There was only so long he could resist her.
“I accept the risks,” she whispered. “I want to be with you now, and that is all that matters. We may never have the chance again. Let us not think of the future at all.”
He stared at her steadily, his heart pounding so hard it sounded like a drum in his ears.
“You are sure?” His voice was already husky with desire.
She nodded. He didn’t hesitate a second longer. He pulled her into his arms, burying his face into her neck, breathing her in. Worshipping her. Her long golden tresses were all around him. She sighed tremulously.
With one swift move, he scooped her up into his arms. She looked surprised but didn’t resist. As he turned, carrying her out of the kitchen, she nestled her head into his shoulder. Percy felt the storm outside becoming the storm within. And that perhaps there would be no going back from it at all.
Chapter 30
Jane felt heavy, as though her limbs were being pushed down into water. She had no idea what she was doing any longer and she no longer cared. All she wanted was him.
He carried her up the winding staircase towards one of the upstairs chambers. She saw a large room with flaking green wallpapered walls. It was dark—the old, musty curtains were only half open, but there was little light outside anyway. Briefly, she saw the dark, ominous sky. A flash of lightning forking across it.
Gently, he laid her down on the four-poster bed in the middle of the room. It was still dressed in its old threadbare linen. The smell of dust enveloped her, causing her to sneeze. He laughed softly as he gazed down at her.
