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Eventually, he left the house, heading back down the cliff path to the lodging house. He saw Freddie sitting in the dining room, reading the newspaper. His friend called out to him, but he just waved before heading straight up to his room. He needed to be alone.
He collapsed on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He had resisted falling in love, and now it had happened. But just as he had always imagined, it was bringing him no pleasure. He had been right to try to avoid it, for look at the mess it had made of his life. If he had just listened to Jane Metcalfe from the start and respected her desire for him to leave her alone, then none of this would have ever happened.
He groaned, rolling over onto his side. He had been a fool. The biggest fool that had ever walked this earth. The lady he loved didn’t love him, nor would she marry him. For if shedidlove him the way he loved her, she could never have let this happen. He didn’t know how he was ever going to look into her face again.
Chapter 34
That same afternoon Jane thought she heard a knock at her door, but it sounded like it was coming from very far away. She struggled to open her eyes, gazing around groggily. She sat up, rubbing her eyes. She must have fallen asleep. She gazed out the window. It looked like the sun had just set; the sky was a cacophonous swirl of orange and pink.
Another knock on her chamber door. “Come in,” she called in a croaky voice.
Marianne entered the room. Jane could barely look at her. Shame and sorrow intermingled. She was so upset that she didn’t know if she could speak to her sister at all.
Marianne sat down on the bed. Her face was solemn. “Jane, what is going on? Lucy will not tell me anything. She has been wearing an especially smug expression for the entire afternoon. And you just ran to your room after the earl left.”
Jane was silent. She had been so overwhelmed by everything that happened that she had fled to her room as soon as Percy had left. She couldn’t bear to look at Lucy at all.
“What happened between you all?” pressed Marianne, frowning. “Percy looked like he was going to punch someone. You are clearly upset. The only one who looks happy is Lucy.”
Jane felt her colour deepen. She was so ashamed of it all. She still couldn’t believe how it had played out and that she had allowed Lucy to dictate the terms of it all. But she had been taken by surprise, and when her cousin had suggested her devious plan, Jane had latched onto it as the last desperate way she might keep her vow to her mother.
But it was all wrong. Percy was so upset. He didn’t want to marry Lucy at all. He wanted to marry her. And he had begged her not to agree to Lucy’s plan. She was sacrificing the future happiness of a good man for her own ends. She was keeping her vow to her mother, but how could this be considered right? Especially when she felt the way she did about him?
She was so confused she didn’t know what to do or what to think anymore.
“I deserve to know, Jane,” said Marianne, her frown deepening. “The whole household is in an uproar, and I am rather tired of you keeping secrets from me, sister.”
Jane started crying. “Oh, Marianne,” she sobbed. “It is all so terrible. And you are going to hate me as much as Percy hates me now when I tell you.”
“Hush, Jane,” soothed her sister. “I could never hate you. Just tell me.”
Jane wiped away her tears. Marianne was right—she did deserve to know. And she was finally going to tell her sister everything. She had nothing to lose anymore, and the vow felt like it was burning a hole inside her now. She needed to speak about it.
“Lucy is blackmailing him,” she said slowly. “She came in and saw us kissing. In agreement for not saying anything about it, she is making Percy marry her.”
“Pardon?” Marianne looked confused. “I do not understand. How can she make him marry her? I would rather think that it isyouwho should be marrying him if you were kissing him.”
Jane sighed. “I know it is convoluted. But Lucy knows that I wish to remain a spinster. In agreement for her silence, I walk away without having to marry him. Her demand is that he marry her instead, or else she shall tell Papa all about it, who shall undoubtedly compel me to marry him.” Her face twisted.
“She just sees it as a way of finally winning. She has been sour at me from the start when he made his preference for me obvious. She wants a good marriage. She seized the opportunity…and I let her.” She hung her head in shame.
Marianne looked thunderous. “Lucy has sunk to a new depth. I always knew our cousin was ambitious, but I did not think she would go to these lengths to get him. She should be ashamed of herself.”
Jane sighed again. “She was opportunistic. She wants a good marriage so badly, she will do anything to achieve it. She will become a countess, after all. Such a title must be beyond her wildest dreams.”
Marianne was silent for a moment. “Jane, I know that you care for Percy. Why have you let this happen? He is a good man, and he does not deserve to be saddled with Lucy for the rest of his life. Why cannot you just marry him?”
“I love him,” said Jane, fresh tears running down her face. “But I cannot marry him. I made a vow, sister. And I cannot break it.”
Marianne looked shocked. “A vow? To whom?”
“To Mama,” she said in an anguished whisper. “Marianne, she made me promise her that I would never marry. She made me swear it to her just before she died.”
“What?” Marianne’s eyes were as wide as saucers. “Why did she do such a thing?”
Jane was silent for a moment. “I was alone with her,” she said eventually. “She told me there was something she must tell me. She was so agitated. Then she confessed that she had never loved Papa—that she had given her heart away to another man before she married him and could never give it to another.”
“Oh, my Lord,” said Marianne, turning pale. “I never suspected such a thing. They always seemed happy together. Although Mama was often sad.” She frowned, thinking deeply for a moment. “And because of that, she made you vow to never marry?”
