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Megan crossed her arms, now standing opposite him, containing her own rage. Of course he would find the things that haunted her the most and exploit them.
“Fine. If you can’t deal with your own feelings, then be angry forever. It won’t change what happened. It won’t bring back anyone. You’ll just keep hurting the ones around you and cutting yourself off.”
“You don’t know—”
“I’ve lost my whole fucking family too!” Megan’s voice shook, but not with a stutter. “You think it was some picnic growing up knowing I’m the one that lived? At least you got to meet your family! Not that you even give a shit about your dad. Pretty soon you’ll head right back. Got to get to Samantha and the other one, huh? I guess they’re more important. Until they get too close and then, you know, got to cut them out and move on to the next. God forbid you allow yourself to be vulnerable.”
Troy’s face changed, the lines in between his brows vanishing along with the anger. He frowned and looked at her with recognition in his eyes. “What?” At least he had snapped out of it.
Megan’s full body was shaking now. She spoke slowly so she wouldn’t stutter. “She misses you.” Flashing air quotes, she mimicked, “Looking forward to hooking up.”
Troy’s whole demeanor changed. Cool distance replaced the hot anger as he walked over to get his phone from her. She put it on the table between them so they wouldn’t touch. He picked it up, watching her.
“Seems you’re popular. Someone else is looking forward to hooking up and getting some of that tongue when you get back.”
Troy closed his eyes with a grimace. “I haven’t seen—”
“What? Like you’re not going to text them back the second you leave?”
“I told you I like things casual. I’ve seen too much divorce and don’t want to put anyone through that.”
Now it was her turn to pace. “God, I’m such an idiot! It was all a fucking lie. A game to you. Just a way to kill time.”
“Megan…”
“It’s my fault. You told me. You said casual. Now I know that’s code for manwhore.”
Troy winced at her language, but she was past caring. “I trusted you! I wanted you to be the first. I hoped this would be special. I told you everything about me. Congratulations! You know it all, but I guess you have a bunch of secrets you don’t want to share. So it’s my fault for trusting the first guy who comes around and takes an interest. I thought you actually cared. It was all a lie. A way to kill time until you get back to whoever else is texting you now.”
“Megan, it’s not like—”
“Bullshit.” She looked at him, now seeing him for what he was. Behind all of that strength was a web he had built around his pain.
“You know what your problem is? You’re too afraid to care about people. Too afraid to let people in and be vulnerable.”
“That’s not true.” But his face clearly said she had hit a bullseye.
“Faceless sex is a lot easier when you don’t have to give a shit if they get killed in a car accident wearing the same clothes they picked up off the floor of your room.”
He winced and jerked back. “Megan, c’mon, that’s not what this is.”
Megan’s eyes started to burn with hot tears that she so did not want to deal with right now.
“Get out of my apartment. ”
“I—”
“I said get out!”
Troy winced again and turned around to look in the kitchen as if he was unsure what to do with himself. Megan was struck by how awkward he looked as he ambled around her place removing all evidence he had ever been there. She stayed rooted to the spot and forced herself to watch him go. Everything in her body wanted to run and turn from him, especially when he looked up and his eyes met hers on his way to the door. The sadness in them made her want to crumble on the spot. Megan stood her ground. Until the door clicked closed.
As she hugged herself, the tears spilled down her face and didn’t stop.
CHAPTER34
Troy hadn’t been able to sleep in two days. Every time he lay down, he tossed and turned while his mind ran away with anxious thoughts.
Last night was the worst. He didn’t think he was asleep, but maybe he was in that space in between when his mind was his own while he still was aware of his old mattress and thin pillow in the small bedroom.
