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But not yet. The floor was still stable, but not for long. She just needed a few more—
“MEGAN—”
She punched through the last door, flashing her light to each corner, finding nothing. The bed was empty and even made.
“He isn’t here!”
“EVACUATION! EVACUATION!”
Megan turned around to find Nick still behind her starting to sway. Fire had broken through, now coming up from the vent from the second floor and through the outside windows.
Megan threw her arm around him and marched through the flames, prepared to carry him if needed, all the while praying the building wouldn’t collapse.
CHAPTER38
“What in the fuck was that?” Megan could feel Buzz’s eyes staring holes in the side of her head as she hung up her gear. Nick and a few of the guys looked on from a doorway, but heard Buzz’s tone and got the hell out of dodge quick, shooting her a fleeting look of pity.
“I was looking for a person.”
“The building was starting to fail.”
“I just needed a few more seconds.”
She hazarded a look in his direction. He was pinching the bridge of his nose, and a vein looked dangerously close to bursting on the side of his head.
“Megan…that’s how people get killed.”
“I know. I’m sorry. The information we had said there was someone else. Someone who needed help.”
“Information is just that. And it was wrong. Once you breached the door and didn’t hear someone coming, you could do a quick search instead of a full sweep.”
He was right. Megan knew it but had been compelled to keep going. She didn’t try to defend herself. She knew she had been pushing it even for her. She tried not to think of Troy’s voice echoing in the back of her mind. He had been right. She was pushing it in an attempt to try and prove her strength. None of it made any sense. She had never in her life been so wrapped up in someone else’s shit that it affected her this way. Up until now, she had always found a way to block it out when on a call or in class. Able to compartmentalize her shit to when she was at home or meeting new people. At least, shehadbeen good at that.
The fact was, she had been wrong. She had spent too much time there. Her judgment was off. What little confidence she had melted away. She stood and looked at the concrete floor.
Buzz propped his hands on his hips. “It’s unacceptable. You’re in violation of a direct order, and you know this isn’t the first time. Nick just got certified. He’s new—green—and supposed to be able to count on your judgment, which last night was questionable at best. No, it was downright dangerous.”
Megan wanted the concrete to open up so she could shrink into the hole. Hot shame flooded through her chest as she fought the urge not to crumble.
“I’m sorry.”
“Look, I know you’ve always liked to take risks, but this is getting out of hand. You’re not invincible. None of us are. You need to remember that.”
“I will.”
“Until you do, I don’t know if I can trust your decision-making.”
“What does that mean?”
“I’ve been here more than twenty years. I’ve seen a lot of hotshots come in here thinking they’re God with something to prove. I can’t tolerate someone going rogue and blatantly working against policy. It’s not safe. The stakes are too high.”
He sighed and took a pause. Megan didn’t fill the space, watching like a hawk to see where this was going.
“I have no doubt your heart is in the right place. And I looked away last time, but I can’t let this go on. Usually when someone goes rogue, people notice, and unless leadership acts, people will end up hurt not just because someone is trying to help in the wrong way, but because of a failure of leadership.”
Megan felt herself start to tear up and blinked fast to not let it come down in hot angry tears. His disappointment crushed her.
Buzz and the other guys at Station Three had always treated her like family. When she was hired, and they realized she didn’t have any family, they made sure to pick up the slack. Buzz had come with her to sign her lease for her first apartment and even acted as a cosigner. Her grandma had left some money, but that hadn’t been enough for the leasing office to trust a twenty-year-old with no credit. Nick had taught her how to change a tire and her oil, and Mike had taught her weird skills like basic self-defense.
