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Still, the CO wasn’t sold yet.
“Are you sure you don’t need any help with this?”
“Yeah, I got it. They were looking for someone in a surplus coat with dark hair when they picked me up. Once everything is sorted out, I’ll let you know when I’ll get there.”
“Alright, well, keep me posted when you can.”
Troy knew his CO wasn’t convinced that he shouldn’t help, and why should he be? But Troy was between a rock and a hard place. He needed his job with the army. It was all he had, everything he had worked for, and if he got discharged because of a conviction, those retirement benefits he had worked so hard for were totally gone.
If he provided his whereabouts and the name of the new therapist in town, then the police could confirm the appointment which had been around the same time as the attack. He would get the charges dropped for sure, but then somewhere in some court paperwork, his therapy would be public knowledge and some tough questions would be asked. If they found he was not deployable, unable to carry out a mission…Boom. Discharged.
Troy had no education. Sure, maybe he’d be able to keep his GI bill depending on the type of discharge, but then what? Once, he had wanted to be a history teacher, but he couldn’t go to school and support the ranch and his dad’s medical bills. There was no way. The bed and breakfast had been a pipe dream that was a long way from bringing in any income.
That was why he told his dad to save the money and not bond him out—and why he’d stayed quiet.
As a result of this colossal shitstorm, Troy had the pleasure of spending the weekend in the county jail. Troy didn’t have much of a problem with the other inmates. He understood the chain of command, the power of lying low, and had a lot of time to think. What he did mind was the nightmares.
They had gotten worse, just like always with stress. The first night had been awful. He didn’t know if he had been screaming or not, but if he had, the echo woke him up quick enough not to draw attention to himself.
He didn’t have access to his normal routine that helped his anxiety, so he had done his best not to sleep. Not super healthy, but what choice did he have? Screaming in the middle of the night did not suggest innocence, and he didn’t need the attention.
What he had done was pace and think about Megan.
He should’ve told her everything. She would’ve understood. Maybe they could’ve talked it all through. He didn’t like being alone but didn’t like the pressure of commitment. It was all new to him, but none of those dating apps held any appeal. He would’ve told her that. Explained he wanted to try long distance. He had intended to. That was why he had been so insistent about her safety. He knew that was clingy. It wasn’t his best moment, and she already knew he had struggled at night.
He should’ve come clean. Trusted her. Owned it. He wished he could go back and beg her to stay with him, to be patient as he tried long distance. Instead he had been too much—too overbearing—and pushed her away.
He hadn’t even stopped to listen to what she was telling him about her power.
At two in the morning, he played it over and over in his head. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, but the puzzle pieces started to fit together, and it didn’t sound crazy.
“I can’t burn.”
He turned that over in his head. It all lined up. She was an infant. The sole survivor of the house fire that killed her family. She had talked about her duty to be a firefighter and not feeling worthy. She shrunk back into herself when he had called her a hero. His dad had told him she had stayed to find Levi as the house was burning around her.
The longer he sat with it, the more it made sense. Well, it was actually crazy, but…
God, to think she couldn’t be affected by the thing that kept him up at night. Life was kind of funny that way.
Not communicating with her was his biggest regret. By the time all of this shit got sorted out, assuming it did, he’d have to go back immediately, and there wouldn’t be time to say goodbye. He wouldn’t get to touch her again or see the freckles on her nose. He didn’t even have a picture to remember her, and of course she would be in no mood to see him. Troy was sure he was on the news, and that meant Megan knew about his arrest.
God, what did she think of him? Did she think of him? She had mentioned she was hoping to go to that vet school. In fact, he smiled to himself at the irony. Here he was in jail alone with his thoughts, and tomorrow she would be off to her interview to get into vet school like she had always wanted. The thought of her happy and living life as she wanted was a welcome respite from the looping thoughts that plagued him, but it wasn’t forever.
As much as he tried not to sleep, on the second night the body took over, leaving him open to the nightmare that followed.
His lids grew heavy and closed. All he saw was fire all around him. Dark figures reached out from beyond the flames. The first was Adam, strong and standing there while the fire licked up his old Wranglers he loved in high school. The second was his mom, looking gaunt and thin from the cancer treatments. She was standing in her old kitchen wearing an apron in front of the stove, a literal hell, with flames clawing at her skirt. His dad was running by with Levi, before he collapsed onto the floor with the flames around him. Troy tried to move to get to all of them, when the familiar screaming started. Simon looked out, his eyes wide and peeled back with complete pain and awareness of his suffering. Just like always, Troy tried. He tried so damn hard to reach him. Get there before it was too late. All of their faces mixed with the smoke until he could no longer see them. The screaming drowned out by the roar of the flames. That’s when he saw Megan, crying alone in the inferno.
He jolted awake, covered in sweat.
Troy wasn’t an easy crier. Never had been. But on the floor of the jail cell, he curled into himself and let the choking sobs come for all he had lost.
CHAPTER45
Megan sat on a worn wooden bench, clenching and unclenching her hands. Megan had tried to call the attorney’s office when Hank had given her the name, but they had left for the night, so here she was outside the courtroom waiting to catch them.
She had tried to sleep last night but just couldn’t, despite meditation and enough chamomile tea to choke a fish. All she could think about was Troy and everything Hank had told her.
Last night when she had gotten home, Megan had considered going to her music box and dabbing on a little of her grandma’s perfume, but all of that was in the past. And none of it held answers to the future.
