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“Can I ask you a question?” He stops, putting the bar up, and sits, throwing his legs on either side of the bench.
There’s already a pit in my stomach, but if I say no, he’s going to figure out something’s up and figure it out fast. “You know you can ask anything you want. We’re best friends; you’re my brother.”
He turns to look at me, his gaze dark and stormy. “We’re supposed to be.”
“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?”
Gauge stands up to his full height, a slight advantage over my own. “You tell me. There haven’t been a lot of times where we’ve been honest with each other when it’s been hard, but something’s bothering me about what I saw the other day at Trin’s practice.”
“Is this about Trinity calling Nat her mom?” I try to play it off as if it’s not a big deal when it was a huge deal for me.
“No, it isn’t about Trinity at all. I know how much those two love each other. What I’m kinda confused about is why it looked like thethreeof you were a family. Right there in front of God and everybody.”
“We spend a lot of time together.” I defend myself, hoping I’m not too defensive. It’s hard to keep a secret from someone who’s known you your entire life. He knows every single one of my tells, all the nervous ticks.
He clicks his tongue before smiling in an almost savage way. “Yeah, you do, and I know Natalie. I know what it’s like to be loved by her, to be someone she watches out for and sticks up for. It’s intoxicating the way she loves.”
My heart is pounding. This is my best friend and I’m worried we may no longer have a friendship after this moment. “You think I’m in love with your sister?”
Shaking his head, he inhales deeply “Nah, man. I think she’s in love with you and I don’t think you’re discouraging her the way you should. Both of us know how you feel about relationships.”
Irritation like I haven’t felt in years creeps into my chest and squeezes like a vice. I’d been ready to write off women completely after my divorce. What man wouldn’t when they were faced with what I was? It was a hard transition to make and an even harder pill to swallow.
My wife - the one person who was supposed to be there through thick and thin - didn’t want me anymore.
Worse. She didn’t want our daughter either.
How was I supposed to handle it? What was I supposed to do other than forsake all romantic relationships and lick my wounds? “You don’t know.”
Gauge rolls his eyes and gives me a know-it-all grin. “The fuck I don’t; we’ve talked about it before.”
Running a hand through my hair, I level him with a glare. It’s my attempt to let him know he’s veering into territory he doesn’t wanna fuck with. “Years before this, Gauge. Like right after my divorce. It’s been a long time since I was that jaded, overnight single dad who didn’t know what the fuck he was doing.”
“So, you’re saying you care for her?” He needles, keeping at me.
One thing he knows is how to piss me off enough to tell him. This is where I have to be strong, have to be willing to go to whatever lengths it takes to keep our secret for as long as I can. If I tell him without discussing it with Natalie first, I might as well cut my dick off and kiss it goodbye. “I’m saying it’s none of your fucking business.”
“Look me in the eye, bro. Tell me you aren’t fucking my sister.”
Anger flows through my body, causing my fists to tighten and chest to ache. What we do isn’t fucking and I don’t like hearing those words come out of his mouth. Like it’s cheap. It’s anything but. “Don’t talk about her like that.”
He smiles, a smug grin. Looking like he knows everything, when he has no fucking clue what I feel for her. Fuck, I don’t even know for sure what this is. I know what I want it to be, but we’ve never discussed it and it’s wrong for me to assume. “Just like I thought.”
All of a sudden, the answer comes to me in a way it shouldn’t and I know I’m going to regret the fuck out of this. “She is seeing someone, but it isn’t me.”
“See I knew it. Nat’s never been able to hide anything from me and I’ve been wondering what the fuck was going on with her.”
“Maybe it’s because she’s an adult and she doesn’t want to share this shit with her brother.” I lift an eyebrow. “She’s old enough to be having mature relationships.”
“You mean sex and, while you’re right, I worry about her getting hurt,” he admits, rubbing his arm.
“Look, I know you like to be all up in her business. That’s how you’ve always been, but we’ve established she’s an adult. She deserves some respect from you, don’t you think?”
“You’re right. I’ve seen her as a little kid for years and maybe she doesn’t need me to make sure she’s okay or to fight her battles anymore. It’s gonna be hard, though.”
“No it won’t, Gauge. She’s your crutch. You worry about her so you don’t have to worry about yourself.”
“Fuck you, Hines. Nobody asked you to come in here and tell me all my faults.”
