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Lying down on the bench press, I situate myself so he can hand me the bar. “Isn’t that what friends are for?”
“Guess you’re right.”
But as I continue our workout, I can’t help but get a burning in my gut.
I’m lying to him and to myself. Nothing about this will work out well and that’s what I’m fuckin’ afraid of.
CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE
Natalie
“You what?”I gasp, my adrenaline spiking, cottonmouth like a bitch infecting my tongue. When Cam told me to stay after he came home from shift,thisisn’t what I thought he was planning on telling me.
Slower and with feeling, he says the words again. “I lied to your brother. He said he felt like you’d been keeping something from him. I should’ve told him about us.”
“What did you tell him?” I’m dreading this, one hundred percent scared to know what Cam cooked up to try and let my brother down easy.
“But, I mean, what are we? We don’t have a title on this.” “Do we need one?”
“I wish I could be the type of woman who didn’t need one, Cam, but that’s not me. At first, I thought I would be fine with whatever you were going to give me. I didn’t need to be the person you looked for in the crowd, the one you greeted with a smile on your face and a kiss on the cheek. I believed I could do this in secret, but I can’t. Since I went out to dinner with you and Trinity, I know I need to be the one you look at, the one you sit next to, the hand you hold. Not because I want others to know, I could give a shit what everyone thinks, but for me. For my peace of mind, I need you to not be ashamed of me.” I roll my lips in between my teeth and wonder if I’ve asked too much, if this isn’t what he’s bargained for.
The look on his face is everything I wish it wasn’t.
“Nat…”
“Don’t.” I turn from him, trying to hide my embarrassment and the utter devastation I’m feeling. It’s written on my face, if the heat there is anything to go by. “If you can’t give me what I want, it’s okay. I’ll still watch Trinity. She’ll never know anything different has happened between us.”
“You’re not giving me a chance to explain.”
“Is there anything to explain?”
“A whole fuckin’ lot.” He grabs hold of my shoulders, turning me back around. “When Rebecca left me, it broke me.”
“I know.” I cut him off. “I’m the one who’s had to deal with the repercussions of what she did from the moment you invited me into your life. When do I quit paying for her mistakes, Cam? When do you quit paying for them? Hasn’t she stifled your life enough? When do you get to start living?”
“I don’t know, Natalie. You seem to know all the goddamn answers; why don’t you tell me?”
Tears gather in my eyes. I brush at them, annoyed that he’s seeing this display of emotion. “I see you.” I grab hold of his shirt. “The way you look at me and I know you care about me. I’m not sure why you won’t allow yourself to fall.”
He grabs my wrists in his, gripping tightly. “Because it hurts too damn much when things don’t work out.”
The fear, the uncertainty. It’s all there, written across his face. For the first time in a relationship, I’m going to take the reins. “Things will work out,” I whisper, leaning forward on my toes. “They’ll work out.”
The words are a promise as my lips capture his, putting every ounce of passion I feel for him into this kiss. It’s an undoing for the both of us.
“I want it too,” he whispers back. “More than I’ve ever wanted anything else in my life. I’m being selfish to want this so much.”
“No, you aren’t. You’re going after what you need to be a good father, an excellent firefighter and, most of all, a man. Take it, Cam. Take it all.”
It’s as if this is what he’s been waiting for.
He lifts me effortlessly before walking us over to the bed, tossing me down as if I weigh nothing. I’ve always been strong, overly so, since I played sports. Not many men have been able to throw me around, but he can. Stretching out along the length, I welcome his body on top of me. Cam’s mouth goes right to my neck, biting, sucking, licking. Everything that turns me on.
Pressing myself up into him, I grab for his back, impatiently lifting his shirt with my fingers. “I wanna feel you,” I whine, needing the heat of him against my flesh.
I don’t know how we do it, but our clothes are gone in record time and then we’re right back to where we were.
Skin against skin.
