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“I tried not to. Hated myself for letting me be a fucking cliche. Falling for the single dad with the cute kid. That’s what porno’s are made of. But you two worked yourselves into my heart. But you weren’t mine, were you? You never have been.”
“If I could love anyone, it would be you.”
Tears flow, along with a watery laugh. “So that’s supposed to make me feel better?”
“No, it’s letting you know that if I were able to put aside all the shit I’ve been through, it would be for you. If I were willing to let my friendship with Gauge go, it would be for you. I can’t, though. He has my life in his hands when we go out on a call.”
I’m going to hate myself for this later, but I’m upset and I can be mean when backed into a corner. “Only you don’t know if he’ll be able to go out with you, do you? Right now, he’s not at the point where he can perform his job to the capabilities that are required of him. You’re letting me go for a what if from him.”
“Nat, this is what he loves and you know it.”
“And I love you, but you don’t seem to care about that. It’s not as important to you. Then again, if you accept it, you don’t get to be a martyr, huh?”
He chews on his bottom lip. “This isn’t fair and you know it.”
Sniffling, I click my tongue. “Well, it was never fair for me, so welcome to my world. If you need something for Trin, let me know. Otherwise, don’t talk to me until you’re willing to admit how you feel. Take me to my SUV.”
“C’mon Nat, let’s not end it like this.”
“Fuck you.” I shake my head. “If you don’t take me home right now, I’ll go get my dad and have him take me home.”
“What do you want me to do with Trin? She’s in there waiting to play her game.”
I wish I could take the high road, but right now, I can’t. I’m too hurt, my feelings are way too fresh to be able to be the person I know I usually am. “I don’t care what you tell her. That’s your decision. I’ve taken the heat with her for you for way too long. You’ve turned to me to answer questions that are your responsibility. If you can’t be honest enough to admit you have feelings for me, then you can handle the hard questions on your own.”
He sighs. “I’ll be right back.”
Putting the tailgate down, I have a seat and wait for him, wondering how what we’ve shared with one another has turned into this. It’s my worst nightmare and the biggest fear I had when we started messing around. I must’ve been living in a fantasy world, trying to make this make sense.
Gone is the hope I had for us to be able to make this work. All that’s left is the devastation that I know what it’s like to be devoured by Cameron Hines and right now there’s no way I can see clear that I’ll ever feel it again.
He comes back, beeping the doors to let me in.
“Nat.”
“No, don’t talk to me, there’s nothing you can say right now that will change anything that happened here today. I’m not ready to listen to you and I’m not sure when I will again.”
“What about Trin?”
The fact he has to ask, hurts everything in me. “I’ll always be here for her, even staying here when you need me to. She won’t know anything else has changed. Not unless you tell her, and I hope you care about me enough to keep it between us.”
Hopping out of the truck at the same time, we come to stop in front of one another. Stepping to the side, I refuse to meet his gaze.
With my head held high, I walk by him, proud in my conviction.
As soon as I get to my SUV? I cry, sob harder than I have in years, and wonder if I just made a huge mistake.
CHAPTERTWENTY-EIGHT
Cameron
“Doyou mind picking up Trin today?” I ask my mom as I drive to work.
“Doesn’t Nat usually pick her up?”
I lied to Nat, telling her I had it for tonight. The truth is, I can’t go into my house and smell her scent, know she was sleeping in the bed down the hall from mine. “She’s got something going on and I know Trinity would love to visit grandma and gramps.”
“Cam, what’s going on with you and Nat? Last time I saw you together, I thought something was going on between the two of you. Was I wrong? I hope I wasn’t. You and Trinity deserve to be happy.”
