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“I know you know.” Simple words, but in that moment, they were everything. Like an electric current, an idea charged through him.
Ask her to come with you.
But he couldn’t do that. They’d known each other for, what? A day? To ask her to follow him over a thousand miles away, to leave behind her friends, her family, her home, for someone she’d met less than twenty-four hours ago, was crazy. Insane. Impossible.
As the day progressed, the snow lightened, and just before dusk, weak rays of sunlight began peeking through the gray snow clouds scuttling across the sky. They watched movies, talked about anything and everything, and used up every single condom, getting completely and thoroughly lost in each other. Being with her was like breathing: effortless and completely natural. Easy.
He was dreading finding out what it would feel like to have his lungs ripped out tomorrow morning.
Chapter 8
“Ineed you to do something for me.” Ellie kissed Matt’s shoulder as the sun rose over the ski hills the next morning, blues and pinks dancing across the snow.
“Of course. Anything.” And he meant it.
She took a long, shaky breath. “I can’t say good-bye to you. I’m . . . I just can’t, Matt. So I’m going to close my eyes, and when I open them, I need you to be gone.” Bright sadness shone in her golden eyes. “I don’t want to watch you leave. I just want to remember it like this.” He felt something wet on the skin of his shoulder as she pressed her face into him. She slid her hands up to his face, her palms soft against his now prickly cheeks. Softly and sweetly, she kissed him, and just as he felt a tear against his cheek, she pulled away.
“Go,” she whispered, her eyes boring into his before scanning over his face. She blinked once, freeing a tear that had been caught on her eyelashes, and then closed her eyes.
Matt swung his legs over the edge of the bed, dressed quickly, and, without looking back, walked out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind him, all in the space of a few minutes. Like ripping off a Band-Aid. She was right. It was better this way. They’d gone into this with open eyes, had known this was coming, and leaving without some long, drawn-out good-bye was for the best.
He walked to the elevator bank and jabbed at the call button before shoving his hands in his pockets, fighting the urge to punch a hole in the wall. It had gone too far, and now she was hurt. He rubbed a fist against his sternum, trying to extinguish the ache building there. Guilt and sadness swirled in his stomach, mixing with the anger he felt toward himself for being an asshole who never should’ve slept with her.
He swallowed thickly, and for a second, he thought he might throw up.
On the drive home, he sat silently in the backseat of Luke’s truck, glad that he and Christie had stayed the extra night too, otherwise he’d be finding his own way back to Cheyenne. He wouldn’t have wanted to run into Ellie back at the hotel, as that would only have upset her even more. She’d asked him to go, and although it hurt, he understood.
As he watched the piles of snow whiz by in a white blur, he tried to reason with himself. It was a connection fueled only by loneliness, the holiday, and toe-curling sex. It would hurt less once he managed to put some distance—both time and space—between himself and Ellie. Hell, it was two nights together. It shouldn’t hurt at all. It had been fun, and now he was moving on to his bright, shiny new life.
It suddenly didn’t feel so bright or shiny. No, he felt like he’d walked away from the bright and shiny when he’d left that hotel room earlier this morning. A sense of loss tugged at his chest, and he rubbed his fist over it again.
He knew he was being a grumpy bastard, but he’d apologize to Luke and Christie later. Right now, he just wanted to shower, eat, and finish packing. Hopefully if he kept moving, kept busy, he wouldn’t have to think too much about Ellie.
And yet hours later, as he shoved the last of his belongings into boxes, he found himself smiling as he remembered her laugh, her scent, the feel of her skin against his.
God, he was such an idiot. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, and there was nothing he could do about his feelings for her. He refused to act like a psycho stalker, tracking her down and trying to convince her to come with him.
Not that he’d thought about that.
Not that he’d already looked up her address.
Jesus, he’d probably scare the shit out of her if he just showed up at her place in Denver. No. He was leaving for Seattle tomorrow, just like he’d planned. The moving company was coming first thing in the morning to pick up his things, and then he was driving his Jeep from Cheyenne to Seattle. He’d already mapped out his route, with places to stop for the night highlighted. He liked having a plan, having things mapped out.
Meeting Ellie, clearly, had not been on the map. It had been a detour, and now he was back on track. Alone, missing her like crazy, but back on track.
Besides, wouldn’t she have said something if she saw a future for them? And she hadn’t. She’d said she wanted him for the time she could have him, and that was all. Not thinking, just enjoying.
And yet . . . he couldn’t erase the image of her light brown eyes shining with tears. She’d cried when she’d kissed him good-bye, and that had to mean something.
Matt rubbed his chest again.
A sharp rap on his front door startled him out of his thoughts, and he crossed the worn linoleum to fling it open.
“I thought we could have beer and pizza one last time before you go,” said Luke, a six-pack in one hand and a pizza in the other. He stepped in without waiting to be invited. Matt forced a smile he didn’t feel, closing the door behind his brother.
Settled on the stools at the kitchen counter, a Colorado Avalanche game on the TV, they ate and drank in companionable silence.
“I’m gonna fucking miss you, man. I’m gonna miss this,” said Luke, his voice a little rough. He wiped at his mouth with a paper towel before shoving more pizza in his mouth.
