AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Matt swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. “I know. Me too.”
When he’d first told his parents and Luke that he was moving to Seattle, they’d been happy for him, but less than enthused about the distance. But they’d supported him, knowing it was what he needed to do. After the divorce, and getting shot, it was time for a fresh start.
They’d thrown him a going-away party last week, and he’d nearly lost his shit when his nephew Ethan had started to cry, throwing his arms around his legs and asking him to stay. He’d hugged Ethan tight, blinking back tears. Matt’s mom had watched them, blinking back tears of her own.
Leaving his family was hard, not just on him but on them. Hard, but necessary for him to move forward with his life, and they got that.
“So, can I have them back?” asked Luke, wiping at his mouth with a paper towel again and shooting Matt a devilish grin.
“Have what back?”
“Dude. You took my entire condom stash. Lucky for me, Christie brought some.”
“Oh.” Matt rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “I, uh . . . we used them all. I’ll replace them.”
Luke laughed and clapped Matt on the back. “Are you fucking kidding me? I had twelve condoms.”
“Then I guess I had sex twelve times.”
“Holy shit. She must’ve been amazing.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Matt reached for the remote and turned up the volume on the hockey game.
“Whoa. I didn’t mean . . . sorry. What happened?”
“You deaf? I said I didn’t want to talk about it.” As soon as the harsh words were out of his mouth, Matt regretted them, and laid a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. It’s just . . .” He shrugged and then shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“This seems like the opposite of something that doesn’t matter.”
He thought about telling Luke everything, but there was no point. It wouldn’t make him feel better, and there was nothing to be done. He was leaving for Seattle tomorrow morning, finally getting that fresh start he’d wanted for so long.
So why did it feel like an ending, not a beginning?
“You know you’re allowed to want to be happy, right?” Luke asked, turning the volume on the hockey game back down.
Matt shot him a look. “Yeah. I know. That’s why I took this great job in Seattle.”
Luke nodded slowly, twirling the neck of his beer between his fingers, a thoughtful look on his face. “No, I know. I meant in your personal life. You never give yourself the chance. I know things with Leah were a mess. But instead of letting the past hold you hostage, you have to learn from it and move forward. Otherwise all that pain was for nothing.”
Matt took a long pull on his beer. “Yeah, well, I’m leaving, she lives in Denver, and I’ve known her for two days. I can’t really rearrange my life around that, and I can’t ask her to do that, either.”
“Oh yeah? Why not?”
“Because that’s what crazy people do. I’m a detective. I catch crazy people. I can’t be one. She’d run screaming in the other direction, and rightfully so.”
Luke tipped his head and shrugged. “Your call. Christie said she saw something between you two, and I’m really starting to think she was right.” He returned his attention back to his slice of pizza and the hockey game, but Matt’s mind was buzzing, swamped with images and memories of Ellie. He swallowed down the rest of his beer, trying to ignore the ache deep in his chest.
* * *
Ellie sat on her couch in her pajamas, her laptop across her knees, and a half-eaten pint of Ben & Jerry’s Mint Chocolate Cookie sweating on the coffee table in front of her. She twisted her hair up into a bun, pinning it in place with a pencil. Flicking her eyes down to the computer screen, she checked her list of tasks for the sixth time. She had a year-end, best-of post to compile (already overdue, considering it was January 3rd), new trailers to post, an essay on sexuality in sci-fi and fantasy to write, and new ads to review. But each time she tried to dig in to a task, she found herself going back to her web browser, where she’d typed “Matt Grayson” into the search bar. His official police photograph filled the screen, his blue eyes bright and a slight smile turning up the corners of his mouth.
Her throat thickened and she swallowed, the back of her mouth burning.
Damn. She was crying. Again.
Firmly, she closed the lid of the laptop. “Enough,” she said, her voice loud in the quiet house. Mostly, she was mad at herself. She’d known what she was getting herself into, and she’d done it anyway. Even though she knew better, had learned through painful experiences to avoid these unsafe situations, she’d jumped in with both feet and guess what? She hadn’t played it safe, and once again, she was hurting. Alone. Eating ice cream in her pajamas.
So not the way she’d planned to kick off the year of Ellie.
