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Her companion found his own voice, which was suddenly quite forceful. “I have found no flaw and do believe that the depth of our emotion shall increase with time. I do believe that we might call this love, at some point, for I do care for you, and I am sure I shall not find another such as you.”
“Such as me,” she repeated. Someone with so much money, she wondered, or someone with physical attributes like passing beauty and youth. Charity thought over his words. They were nice enough but did nothing to make her wish to rush to the altar.
“If you would agree, I would announce our engagement,” he said.
“Why now?” she asked. “Why not wait until we are certain? How can you be so sure when we still have much to learn about one another?”
“There are two reasons that I might provide,” Michael began. Charity was shocked at his rational approach. Did he have any emotion in him? He would answer her question so that she might see, and agree with, his logic. “The first is that I can see no logical reason to delay. We shall make a fine match in every manner. I do not see how these facts will change with additional time. We might get to know each other more, but our compatibility will remain.”
Charity nodded but pressed her lips together in a tight line. Was that not exactly what she was supposed to be thinking? If the aim was to wed Mr. Poppy, then what would a few more weeks or months matter?
“…and your second reason?” she asked.
“The second, I must admit, is perhaps the most significant factor as to the speed of my determination.” Michael turned to Charity and, while most men would have at least had the decency to appear shamed for the admission, Michael stated the fact as if it were nothing more than the arrival of the weekly chronicle. “My mother is anxious for me to wed. You know she is quite forceful. I had thought to gain a wife before the leaves turn color in the fall. The sooner, the better, I think. Mother would like it best if I made my choice before the month’s end so that we might begin preparations at once. Then our wedding could coincide with my sisters’ seasons, and we could save some expense, and since my choice is obvious I can find no reason to delay.”
“I see,” Charity mused.
They stood in silence for a long while as he waited for her to agree with his reason. He did not so much as take her hand. She felt it was the strangest marriage proposal ever.
“But you are not in love with me. Do you not wish to find someone you could love?” she said softly.
“Are you in love with me?”
“I do not feel as I imagined I would in love,” she admitted.
“Neither do I,” Michael said.
She looked down at the fan in her hand, and realized that she was not nervous. She was nearly as cool and collected as Michael himself. “Michael,” she said. “I also thought I could find love with you; perhaps hoped I could.” She looked up at him then. She owed him that. She faced him completely as she said the words. “I cannot marry you. I think I only realize at this very moment, that to marry without love, is a mistake, a mistake for both of us.”
Charity watched a look of relief cross his face. For the first time she saw a side of Michael that revealed that he did care more than he let on. He did wish to find love for himself.
“I do not think that we would grow to love each other in the way that we would wish,” she said. “While I admire you, and rest assured that I mean no insult to your person, I do not think that our match would be full of happiness. I cannot agree to a union that makes sense in the head, but not in the heart.”
Michael nodded. He had been rebuffed and that must have hurt his ego, but he did not seem terribly upset by her refusal.
“I shall always consider you as a dear friend,” she caught his hand and smiled up into his brown eyes. “I am sorry, I cannot consider anything more. I am sorry. I led you to believe there could be more between us.”
Michael nodded. Still he had not spoken, so Charity placed her hand on his forearm and allowed him to lead her back up the path where they were soon joined by a frantic James and Flora.
“We have been looking everywhere for you two!” Flora cried. “We had thought you lost.”
“We were just up the way,” Charity gestured down the overgrown trail. Many a walker would have missed it for it blended well with its surroundings. Charity was aware that it would be the perfect spot for a pair of lovers to disappear without causing suspicion.
James and Flora grinned for the remainder of the walk. Charity wished to inform them that no agreement had been struck, but she could not do so without injuring her companion’s pride. The lovers assumed that they knew what had occurred and looked forward to the announcement.
~.~
Chapter Twenty
When Charity returned to her home that afternoon, her mother too seemed to expect a whispered confirmation. When she received none, Lady Shalace was distraught. Charity finally told her mother the outcome of the conversation. She could make no explanation for her refusal, other than that she did not love the gentleman. Lady Shalace would not be consoled and retired to her room without her evening meal. Charity could hear her mumbled cries about herspinster daughterechoing through the halls. Finally, she went to her mother’s room.
“I do not know why you are so upset,” she said. “After all, Michael Poppy is no particular catch. You said that yourself not a month ago.”
“That was before you rejected every suitor out of hand.”
“I have not,” Charity said, but as her mother began listing names, she realized that her mother was right. She had rejected quite a number of suitors. That was because a part of her was still hoping that Lord Wentwell would answer her letter. She knew it would not be so, but still, she dreamed of green eyes and strong hands helping her to alight into a carriage, while he promised that he would find her father. She dreamed of a man who would put everything aside for her, a man who made her heart beat fast and spoke to her as a person, not a contrivance, or a business deal. She realized that when Michael was squeezing out his bland proposal. He was everything Lord Wentwell was not, but Lord Wentwell didn’t even want to see her or even speak to her. The thought made her want to cry.
It did not help that her mother was scolding her. “You are ruining your future, Charity. Eventually the gentlemen will realize that you will have none of them. Especially, now that you have broken poor Michael Poppy’s heart. Word will spread.”
