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I face the door as if I’m speaking directly to her and my heart aches as I hear her sob again.
“Let me out Jax.”
My face screws up I hear her say those words to me, hear her want to get away, twisting a knife in my heart, “I…can’t…”
The words incite more banging on the door, not willing to believe me, “You’re crazy!”
I stick my fist in my mouth and bite down, squelching my desire to scream as well as I fall to my knees. I know I can’t let her out anytime soon. She doesn’t understand right now. She’ll run. She’ll hide. I won’t be able to protect her. I can’t lose her again.
I fall to the floor, resting my back on the door, waiting for the storm to pass and after what feels like an eternity of pain she finally grows quiet. Her back falls against the door and for once I feel close to her again. We’re here, our backs against the door, so close yet so far away.
I won’t leave her tonight. I’ll stay right here until she falls asleep.
In my head I say to her all the things I need to tell her, to make her feel safe again. I lay it all out with no inhibitions.
“Jax?” her voice still quivers from her tears.
“Yes Chalene.”
“Tell me a story about Danny, and then tell me more.”
My heart shatters as I feel our whole story come full circle. I saved her from a monster. I gave her and her brother hope to start new. I took her brother away. I locked her away. I became the monster.
We had not even a year together, but he was my brother. My confidant. I would have laid my life down for him, as he unfortunately did for me.
I clear my throat and I start.
As I move through the memories, sharing as many stories as I can, I hear tiny quakes of laughter here and there and I keep going. I tell her every detail I can remember whether it’s interesting or not and as the time goes on she becomes silent.
“Chalene?” I whisper and there’s no answer so I call out again but I get more silence.
She’s asleep. I can feel it.
I stand quietly and punch the code in the pad and open the door slowly, cracking it just a bit at first. I search the room for her and find her lying on her side next to the door. I step over her and lock the door behind me just in case, scooping her up gently. As she’s pressed against my chest I breathe her in and vow to continue to do whatever it takes to keep her safe. A world without her isn’t a world worth being in.
She barely moves as I carry her and lay her in the bed. I pull a blanket over her and let my fingers stroke gently down the side of her face.
“I never left you firefly, and I never will,” I whisper.
Chapter 21
Chalene
My arms feel heavy as I try to adjust myself on the bed.
The bed!
My eyes jerk open and all the horror of yesterday comes rushing back. I try to jerk my arms down but they’re stuck.
I gasp, my stomach bottoming out as my eyes drift up one of my arms and see it tied to one of the bed posts.
“Wha-“ I mumble and look at my other hand which is also restrained.
I jerk my legs, but they also don’t move.
“What!” I twist and turn in the knots, knocking the cover off of me and groaning, determined to loosen these shackles.
“Jax,” I try to scream but my voice falls short, scratchy and tired from last night. “Jax!” I rock and move violently on the bed making it knock the wall over and over and the door unlocks.
