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Another gulp made its way to my stomach and swirled like a tornado, twisting my insides with an intensity that was hard to ignore. Trying to shove down my emotions, I looked around the room, but my eyes came back to the bag still sitting there. With shaky fingers, I opened it and peered inside.
A couple of gooey cinnamon rolls laid inside, making my mouth water. It was another one of my vices and I loved them. Next to them was a smaller white bag. I pulled it out and opened the top. Inside sat a kids-sized apple juice.
One lone tear slipped down my cheek before I could stop it.
Not only had Rowan remembered me, but he thought about Zander too.
I couldn’t let the sugary sweet treats and thoughtfulness cause me to let down my guard or things to go any further. It was all a weapon for disaster in the making.
If I let the wall down a smidge, then it may keep tumbling down and he’d get closer to finding out—
“Mommy,” Zander said sleepily as he approached.
Thank gosh he’d saved me from where my mind was headed.
Looking at my son in his lightweight transformer pajamas, his blonde hair sticking up in all directions, and his innocent face made my heart go pitter-pat.
No matter how hard things had been throughout the years he was the best thing that had ever happened to me and I wouldn’t change any heartache in a million years because it brought me the biggest joy in life.
Being a mother.
While I may be doing it on my own, I had a damn good role model. My mother was like the queen of single mothers. Well, she may have shared that position with one other person. Rowan’s mama. They had both been spectacular, bless their souls.
A small hand slipped into one of mine that was free of the delicious coffee I held.
“I’m hungry, Mommy.”
We didn’t normally start the day off with sweets, but it was a different kind of day in a new place and we had been given a gift so I would let him indulge. With a banana added to the mix.
“Go sit down at the table, honey, and I will show you what Rowan brought you.”
“He got me something?”
My son sounded amazed. He didn’t have many people in his life except for Luke’s parents and I did my best to stay clear of them as much as possible. Although they made that very difficult. I could barely handle them and Zander didn’t take to them well. So I couldn't see why the group of people we’d found just the day before and the fact Rowan already had given him something was a treat for him.
As much as it scared me that it had been Rowan who Zander seemed to be clinging to, I was happy to see the big smile on my little guy’s face.
“He did, wasn’t that nice?” Even as painful as it was being around Rowan again, worrisome too, I always would teach my son to be thankful and appreciate what he had.
“Yeah, it was super-duper nice.”
He ran to the table and jumped up into the chair while I grabbed the stuff. I took it over to him and set the apple juice, banana, fork, and plate down in front of him. Zander looked up at me with a confused expression and a small frown. I couldn’t hold back the little giggle that escaped me at the look on his face. He’d expected it to be good and I was teasing him.
Then I pulled the bag from around my back that I had held hidden and his eyes lit up. “Is that what he brought me?” he asked, touching the bag.
“Yup.” I smiled and pulled out the messy, sugary, substance and placed it on the plate.
The darn things were huge. Zander may be on a sugar high the rest of the day after eating it, but he was practically vibrating with excitement.
“Wow.” He grabbed the fork and dug in for his first bite. “This is so good, Mommy,” he managed to say with his mouth full of food.
“Manners, Little Man. Don’t talk with your mouth full.”
Making an exaggerated show of chewing the massive chunk of cinnamon roll he just shoved in his mouth, he finished and then said, “Sorry.”
Smiling, I ruffled his hair and went back to grab my treat so I could eat with Zander. When the first bite hit my mouth a moan of appreciation escaped me. It was best not to ask where to find the scrumptious baked goods or I may not be able to talk myself out of going there all the time.
I had enough of that in my life as it was.
