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Maybe that is what I should do.
With Brinley and Zander showing up, the truth would almost likely either surface or one of us would truly end up leaving. I’d already known if it came to that it would be me to go. I wouldn’t let those two suffer or lose out because of me.
“What is it he’s supposed to tell you?” Braxton said, walking in and sitting in the other chair next to Gyth.
Great, now it was like a tag team and I was bound to lose.
Although, if anyone should know it was probably those two. Braxton was the first one of the guys I’d met. We had run into one another at a bar while on leave. We’d hit it off right away even though we were in different branches of the military and he’d told me about his plans with Gyth to head back to his hometown and start their business. By the night’s end, and before parting ways he’d told me to look him up after I was out if I was interested in a job.
If I decided to leave it would suck, but I’d do what needed to be done.
“Rowan said maybe he needed to leave and we all know he’s been off his game for over a week now, so I think it’s time he explains some shit and gets it off his chest.”
Braxton frowned. “You don’t like it here? Is something not working?”
I hated that he thought that. It had been awesome working with Braxton and the other guys. It was just the job and change I needed when I decided my military days were over. I’d been thinking about it for years before I’d met Braxton, but honestly, I didn’t know what I was going to do and I didn’t have a place to go home to.
Not able to make something up or deny giving them an answer, I let it fly. With no finesse at all, I blurted, “I slept with Brinley.”
I sucked in a breath as shock crossed both the guy’s faces. But they masked their expressions quickly and both looked to be thinking. They studied me like an insect under a microscope before either of them spoke.
“I knew you guys were friends at one time, but it didn’t look as though you were getting along. How did this happen in just a week? And what’s the problem?” Braxton asked.
Shit, that was not what I’d meant, but the thought of being with Brin again had my brain thinking about the time we’d been together and wondering what it would be like again. That was never going to happen, though, the first time shouldn’t have either.
I just hadn’t been able to stop myself.
“I guess I should have explained that better.”
Both stared at me, waiting for an explanation. Sighing deeply, I dug deep for the right words, but the truth was, there weren’t any. Nothing I could say would make what happened okay.
“Not this week. It was years ago when she and Luke were still married.” I was explaining this poorly but I wasn’t one to talk about myself, my feelings, or my life. There were maybe a handful of times in my life I’d ever had a long, serious conversation. A couple of times because my mother made me, and I loved my mother. She was also not someone you told no or you might get whacked upside the head. Of course with me it would be done with pure love. The woman was full of heart, soul, and an amazing lady. The other times were with Luke and once with Brinley.
The rest of the time, I shut that shit down. So the talk I was having with Braxton and Gyth, orattemptingto have, wasn’t going so well. When Gyth spoke up, I was the one to be shocked. Instead of beating my ass or kicking me out, he gave me the benefit of the doubt and asked for more information.
“That doesn’t sound like you. In the short time I’ve known you, I’ve come to believe you’re a stand-up guy. Maybe you need to back up and explain more.”
“I agree,” Braxton added.
I should have said more from the start instead of throwing myself under the bus from the beginning. But all the technicalities of Brin and Luke being separated and finding out they truly didn’t have a husband-and-wife relationship, still didn’t make me feel okay about it in the end.
I did, however, need to explain better to the two guys in front of me who were not only my co-workers but also people I considered friends. Something I never allowed myself for such a long time when the best ones I had, I’d let down.
“You’re right. But before I tell you the story, keep in mind that I still don’t feel right about it at all.”
The guys nodded in agreement but stayed quiet. With another deep breath, I let my mind wander back in time, and laid my heart bare as the past came forth.
“First, I need to tell Braxton about my sister. Gyth already knows as it came tumbling out when Brinley showed up at his house looking for him. It’s not something I like talking about but pertinent to the story or maybe understanding why I am the way I am. Maybe I should have already told you.”
“No sweat, man. You will get no judgment from me. It’s not always easy to share personal stuff, we all know that.”
So I began.
“Jelena always wanted to be with me and my friends. As much as I adored my baby sister, my friends thought it was annoying. Everyone except Luke that was. And while most of the time I allowed her to follow me around like a puppy dog and didn’t mind at all, that day I was acting like a little shit. On the cusp of thirteen, I guess I’d decided I needed to play it cool at my age.”
I rubbed the spot over my heart that was breaking all over again with each word.
Then, I was transported back in time as the details of the day I lost my sister came free as if they were happening to me all over again.
