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After laying him down and heading back to the front door, he said, “You will get no argument from me. I am sure it has been tough.”
He turned to me as he opened the door and stopped, his face full of pain. I’d seen it on him many times when things were eating at him, but he never did anything about it. Rowan clammed up and closed himself off during those moments. At least most of the time. There were only a couple of times I could remember when he let his emotions show.
But then the wall was always back up.
So his next words seemed out of character. “We need to talk, Brin.”
He took a few steps forward, his tall frame towering over me as his eyes pleaded with me to say yes. But I couldn’t. His being so close scared me for so many reasons. I didn’t know if I wanted to scream or cry. Being yanked in two directions made me feel as if I was a rubber band about to snap.
“I can’t.” My voice came out weak.
“Please, Buttercup.”
Up until then he may have said Brin, but he hadn’t dared to use the other nickname he’d had for me since we’d met. It had been so special to me and for just a second I faltered. Almost caved. But then the anger kicked in and I snapped like I’d been worried about.
“Don’t you dare call me that!” My voice was raised and I took a big breath trying to calm the storm brewing inside. I didn’t want to wake up Zander. “You left without a backward glance and broke my heart. Not only that but you hurt Luke too.”
A few tears trickled down my cheek and I furiously swiped my cheeks to brush them away. I never thought I would be having this conversation and I honestly couldn’t go on.
“Go. Just please go.” I pointed to the door and with a stricken look Rowan walked away.
It was what he always did. It was what he was good at.
No fight, just flight.
ChapterTwelve
ROWAN
You left without a backward glance.
Five words that replayed in my head for days like a broken record.
But they were not true. Yet, Brinley didn’t know that and I hadn’t told her. Just because she didn’t see me every time I’d been home didn’t mean I wasn’t ever there.
I’d watched from afar and it had been excruciating.
Especially after the last time she and I had seen each other. But there wasn’t a time when she was far from my mind.
When she muttered those words after our pizza outing, they burned, but the hurt that had poured off her in waves had me doing exactly what she asked. She’d wanted me to leave and once again I’d walked away. How was I ever going to repair what had happened between us?
Was fixing things even possible?
I was at work contemplating what I should do and was caught up in my head so I didn’t hear Gyth walk in. While I should be focusing on my job, all I had been doing was thinking about Brinley. She didn’t want to talk so how would that work with both of us in the same place? And she needed these people now more than ever.
“Maybe I need to leave,” I mumbled to myself, but it was a little too loud.
“What the fuck, man?” Gyth sat down in the brown, leather chair in the corner of the room, with a frown on his face. “Why would you say that?”
He didn’t understand. How could he? Gyth didn’t know all the particulars, and if he did, he might ask me to leave himself. He’d been close to Luke. Thinking about what I had done made me feel physically sick. I had screwed up many times and deep down I knew I didn’t deserve to be forgiven.
Even if I wanted it more than my next breath.
There was also no way to talk to Luke about it now and the way I treated my best friend had screwed with my head so bad that at a time, I wished I could take his place. He should be here right now with Brinley, not me. I was just the guy she barely could stand to look at.
“You don’t understand,” I find myself telling Gyth.
“Then how about you tell me?”
