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“Quit on us? I didn’t quit on us!” Heather shouted back. “I know you don’t want me anymore. Maybe I’m too old, too ordinary. I’m clearly not enough. You never touch me anymore, Danny. And when you do, you shut your eyes. You can’t evenlookat me! I’m that fat and ugly!”
Danny’s mouth dropped. Their problems in the bedroom had never stemmed from how attractive he thought she was. He’d always thought Heather was beautiful with her blond hair and big eyes and all her soft curves. That was never the issue—their problems were a by-product of all the other frustrations, slights, and disappointments that had eaten away at an already insecure foundation to their marriage.
“I can’t look at you? I’m not into you? Heather, I can’t remember the last time we had sex when I didn’t look down to find you looking to the side, off into space. Looking anywhere but at me. Shushing me like you’re ashamed. Do you know how that mademefeel? Do you even care? Do you even wantmeanymore?”
“Do I want you? I—”
Instead of finishing whatever she was going to say, Heather grabbed his shirt and kissed him. Hard. For a split second, Danny was confounded. But then an electric surge of emotions that he didn’t have the capacity to decipher sparked, and he pulled his wife tight against his body. Overwhelmed by turmoil and the realization that they’d each made terribly false assumptions about the other, they fumbled their way into the house and into the guest bedroom. The sex was a sprint, and they were breathing heavily when they finished.
“Heather…” Danny said as he pulled his pants up.
“Let’s not talk right now.” She buttoned her shirt and ran her fingers through her hair to untangle it.
They finished dressing and returned to the porch. Danny sat down again on the steps while his wife made a show of inspecting her mother’s rose bush. The silence was awkward, accentuated by a deliriously happy songbird. Out of the corner of his eye, Danny saw Heather glance at him, and then away. His heart clenched.
“Make-up sex isn’t going to solve our problems,” he said.
“I know.” Heather pushed some stray hair behind her ear. “I have to ask you something, Danny. You said that you weren’t sleeping with her before… Are you now?”
Danny wanted to spare her the pain the truth would bring, but he couldn’t lie to her. Not about this. After a long silence, he said, “Yes.”
“I see.” The tears made her voice thick.
“You left, Heather. You left and took our kids.”
“We left each other.”
Danny hung his head. She was right. They’d both made mistakes, but he’d really fucked things up. He was surprised when Heather moved to sit on the step next to him. She looked spent.
“What do we do now?” his wife asked.
“What do you want?”
Heather wiped tears from her cheeks. “Crap. I… I… want us to be a family. I want it to be the way it used to be. But I know things can’t ever be that way again. Too much has happened. We stopped trying.Shehappened. But despite everything, I still care about you. I shouldn’t love you, but I do.”
Danny rubbed his forehead. Did he even deserve that much generosity from his wife? Probably not.
“But you need to decide what you want, Danny. Do you want to be with me? Or do you want to be with her? Until you know that, there’s nothing we can do.” Heather picked up his dirty coffee cup and retreated to the cottage, leaving Danny sitting on the steps with his remorse and his shame.
For the rest of day, the two stayed in their neutral corners. The boys had a great time and tried to draw out the s’mores fire so Danny didn’t have to leave. He assured them he’d be back before too long and made them promise to behave for their mother. He stayed long enough for all the boys, even Lucas, to go to bed. When he drove out of the driveway and into the night, Danny felt a weight settle back on his shoulders.
An hour into his drive, he yawned. He had at least another hour before he got back home. The highway stretched out ahead of him, the faded yellow lines hard to see in his headlights. His turn signal clicked as he changed lanes so he could pass an older couple in a little Prius.
He glanced at the clock. It was after midnight. He turned the radio on so there was more than silence in the car, but he didn’t really listen to the music. He thought about the boys, about Heather and their spontaneous interlude… and about all the confused, conflicted feelings tumbling through him.
But despite everything, I still care about you, Danny. I shouldn’t love you, but I do.
“I’ve made such a mess of everything,” he said aloud. “I am so screwed.”
ChapterThirty-One
Lauren did her best to give Danny space when he got back from Connecticut. She didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to guess that he was wrestling with the situation—and she was keenly aware that their relationship was weighing on him. It tied her up in knots. Between her studio schedule and his caseload, they didn’t see each other much. When they were together, she offered to listen if he wanted to talk, but didn’t push him.
Beyond Danny, Lauren had her own issues to deal with. Conflict continued to churn in the studio. Tempers frayed as work on the album stalled. When an article appeared inSpinDoctormagazine that hinted at their studio problems, the writer asked:Are The Kingmakers over the hill? Has their time come and gone?Fitz cut it out and put it on the wall. If he thought it would light a fire under her ass, his strategy backfired. By the time the calendar turned to August, Lauren was mentally wrung out.
Lauren and Danny managed to carve out an evening together and spent a quiet night at her place. Just before lunch the next day, they went out for groceries. Using a delivery service would have been easy enough, but Lauren saw it as a chance to get out of the house—and away from her infernal notebook, which had become a symbol of everything that was screwed up.
She loved the little local grocery store she’d found near the Somerset. The store’s footprint was small, but the owners packed a plethora of goods into the space, including a surprisingly robust produce section and small butcher shop. While Danny looked for things he needed, Lauren perused the produce section. It was the perfect season for berries, and she had plans for a fruit salad for supper. She was evaluating a dragon fruit when a stranger crowded into her personal space.
