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“Pretty hard to say no with a gun to your head,Princess,” Ash scoffs.
“Wh–what?” I ask, shocked, my gaze flitting to his sharp one. I seem to be asking this question a lot tonight, like a broken fucking record.
“Ourfathers,”Ash spits the word out like it leaves a bad taste in his mouth. “Or in Kai's case his uncle, held guns to our heads, saying that if we couldn't prove that we were men enough to do what was best for the company, then we didn't deserve a seat at the table. Jax and I protested loudly, calling their bluff.” Ash doesn't finish his sentence, but Kai steps in.
“But then my uncle clicked off the safety and shot me in the shoulder,” he says quietly, and I turn my gaze on him. He looks tired, and there is a guilt in his eyes as he briefly looks at the others.Does he blame himself for that night?
“He shot you?!” I all but screech, my eyes travelling over him as if I can see the wound.
How could their own families do this to them?
“He said next time he wouldn't miss,” Ash adds, his face full of pain.
“Unbeknownst to us, they filmed the whole thing. They have proof and use it against us at every fucking opportunity,” Loki finishes, and he looks so hopeless, his arms loose at his sides, that my heart breaks anew for these guys.
“B–but, they're your family! What kind of fucked up shit is that?” I ask, no one answers, as we all know it's above and beyond fucked. I can't fathom having the people who are meant to love you, protect you at all costs, be willing to destroy you. To hurt you. To kill you.
I look at Loki who's still standing close to me, and the bleakness on his face breaks my heart and makes my very soul wail. Yet, how can I reconcile the fact that they badly hurt people, with the guys who I have feelings for? Who I’m falling for?
I feel so churned up, full of anger, sorrow, and betrayal. It's like they've ripped my beating heart right out of my fucking chest, devouring it and leaving me an empty shell. It’s all so overwhelming, and I don’t know how to process any of it. And it’s all tied up with fucking crimson ribbons that bind me so tightly, there’s no hope of escape.
Dizziness washes over me, my limbs cold and my breaths shallow as panic flares brightly inside me.
“I...I will go sleep in one of the spare rooms,” I say haltingly, starting to back away, as my flight mode screams at me to run.
“Lilly, please don't run away,” Loki asks desperately, a look of sorrow in his eyes that rips my soul apart even more until there is nothing left.
He takes a step towards me, and again I step back, flinching and putting distance between us. His face falls further, and he slumps against the side of the sofa in defeat.
“You know we'd never hurt you, don't you, Baby Girl?” Jax asks, his deep voice that usually soothes me, raspy as he takes a step away from the mantle in my direction.
My eyes flit from Jax, to Loki, to Kai, and finally to Ash, who has become cold and distant again.
“I...I know,” I say, still backing up, my movements jerky and body tense. “I just need some time. I–I need to think, to process everything you just told me.”
Run! Get out of there!My mind begs me.
And then I turn tail and flee up the stairs, my heart racing, my pulse drumming in my ears. I hear Jax roar, the sound making me jerk in my flight, my steps coming faster. Then the crash of furniture and smashed glass sounds behind me, as I finally throw open the door to a spare room, slamming it shut once I’m inside. Sliding down to sit on the floor, I break into a million pieces that scatter out into the darkness.
* * *
KAI
I watch with a heavy heart full of agony as Lilly flees the living room, leaving hopelessness and destruction in her wake.
I look up as my brothers fall apart around me, feeling utterly hopeless. There's not a single thing I can do about it. Nothing I can do to help, or ease the pain that is tearing through all of us at her rejection.
Jax reacts with his usual violence, throwing his glass in the fireplace, making the flames roar up the chimney, before he upends a table, smashing it to pieces all the while bellowing like a wounded lion.
Loki looks after her, his whole body shaking, and I can see the glisten of unshed tears in his eyes. On his face is a lost look that breaks my heart more, and a flash of worry dries my mouth at what path he will go down now. Things weren’t great before Lilly came here. He was taking too many drugs, drinking until he passed out and coming home with a different girl almost every night. I don’t want to see him like that again. I can’t bear it.
And Ash. Well, Ash retreats into himself as he tends to do, his body stiff and his face hard as stone. It's only then that I realize with a jolt, that he'd begun to emerge at all.
I sit here, not knowing what to do to fix it. I am usually good at fixing things, but I'm all out of ideas. And hurting just as much as my brothers.
“Shouldn't we have told her the full story?” Loki asks the room, still staring up the stairs. His voice is rough, scratchy with sadness.
“Why?” Ash sneers, his upper lip curling. A classic defensive move for him and I ache to see it. “You saw her, she could barely fucking look at us as it was. It wouldn't have made any fucking difference, Loki.” He ends on a sigh, like he's given up already.
