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To be fair, I asked for that one.
Unknown: It’s Ben.
No shit, Sherlock.
Me: How’d you get my number?
Ben: You gave it to Hattie
Me: So?
Ben: So I have it now. Turn your music down.
Me: Fuck off. It’s not even that early.
Ben: Turn the fucking music down.
Me: Get over it. These are my normal working hours. If you have a problem with it, you can go fuck yourself.
I smile to myself, scooping batter into muffin tins for the morning rush, when my phone buzzes in my apron pocket. I roll my eyes as I grab it out of the pocket.
A chill runs down my spine.
Ben: You keep up with that sassy mouth and I’ll find a way to shut you up.
Me: I’d like to see you try.
Now, why the fuck would I say that?
I already have one asshole up my ass, trying to make my life hell. Why would I invite Ben to join in on that?
Normally, I don’t even let shit like this phase me. I’m a born people pleaser. My entire life, I’ve been working to make myself a bit smaller to make others more comfortable. It’s why I was always the sister who took care of the shit behind the scenes, making sure it didn’t impact anything or anyone else.
It’s why my mom trusted me with her secrets, with this responsibility.
This burden, my mind says. For weeks now, I’ve been slowly reframing and deconstructing my mom’s words. Her demands, the impossible task she handed me. I’ve been reimagining what I once felt to be an honorable responsibility to uphold and seeing it for what it truly is.
An unfair burden.
Minutes after that last text, I hear knocking at the door.
For a split second, my gut goes sour, thinking it's my not-so-friendly, not-so-neighborhood bookie back after yesterday’s issues.
“Lola, let me in,” Ben says, fist pounding on the door.
A chill runs down my spine.
Why is he here?
Okay. That’s a dumb question.
The better one is, is it because of the music and my refusal not to turn it down, or is it because of my taunt?
And even more—why do I hope it’s the second one?
We’ve both avoiding each other since that first kiss, but I’d be a liar if I said I hadn’t thought of it many, many times since it happened.
Shit.
